Welcome Home
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: They shouldn't be together it's against the rules, sometimes however you just need to break the rules to bring a little comfort and order to each other when your living in a world no one else will ever understand. Will breaking these rules do more harm than good though?
1. Chapter 1

**TV Show: The Brave**

 **Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington DC Arlington National Cemetery**

 **Date: November Third 2017**

 **P O V: Captain Adam Dalton**

 **A/N: I wish I owned The Brave however that glory and honor goes to NBC. Lyrics are in Bold Italic some belong to P. Diddy others are mine. I 100% Ship Dalton and Jaz! This Chapter may be triggering to anyone who has ever lost a Soldier. Thank You to anyone who has ever served to their family, friends as well.**

" _ **I'm Coming Home**_

 _ **I'm Coming Home**_

 _ **Tell The World I'm Coming Home**_

 _ **Let the rain was away all the pain of yesterday**_

 _ **I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven all my mistakes**_

 _ **I'm Coming Home**_

 _ **I'm Coming Home**_

 _ **Tell The World I am Coming Home"**_

Her Voice sails effortlessly through the cold rain soaked air. There's no other sounds currently except her emotional beautiful voice. It's amazing that no one else is making any sounds considering the cemetery is filled with over 1,000 United States Military Soldiers 200 Law Enforcement Officers. Various Media outlets as well as family and close friends. All of them remain silent eyes trained to one person and one person only my girl Sergeant Jasmine Jaz Khan.

Everyone is saluting not because of Jaz because of why she's singing the reason we are all gathered here today to send off to Lieutenant Nathan Rosella who specialized in maritime operations. Nathan had only been with The Special Operations Force Squad 1 for six months. A decorated Soldier Nathan had served most of his lifetime in the army. Enlisting at 17 through his schools ROTC he graduated from West Point. Nathan rose through the ranks to become one of the toughest most dedicated soldiers.

For most of Nathan's life he never dreamed he would ever leave his brothers and sisters in greens he always joked "They will either be carrying my 90 year old body out of here kicking and screaming or they will be carrying me out in a coffin." Than six months ago his daughter asked him _"Daddy will you ever come home so I can grow up knowing my dad?"_ Nathan's kids were his world so he tearfully replied. " _I promise you sweetheart I will be dancing with you at your middle school graduation we will celebrate your graduation into becoming a young lady and my retirement"_ Nathan joined Special Opps so he could retire with enough money to live comfortably so his kids would never want for anything.

My throat closed up tightly as I watched those kids now 14 year old Mitchell Miguel and 12 year old Natalie Vanessa Rosella standing silently next to their mother Heather Nicole Reynolds- Rosella. Their eyes raise slightly as my fellow soldiers and team members CPO Ezekiel "Preach" Carter, Sergeant Joseph J. "McG" McGuire, Agent Amir Al-Raisani folded the American Flag. Bowing Preach and McG handed Heather the flag as Amir saluted.

Jaz's voice continued to soar above the air just like the bald Eagle the symbol of the States flying free proud and powerful. Amazing really because when I look at Jaz I can see her fists clenched, her shoulders tense so tight I know she must be hurting. I can see her eyes cast upwards she's avoiding looking because she knows she will break down.

" _ **I'm Back where I belong**_

 _ **I never felt so strong**_

 _ **I feel like there's nothing I can't try**_

 _ **And if you feel me hold your hands held high**_

 _ **If you've ever lost a light before, this one's for you**_

 _ **And you, the dreams are for you"**_

Shots ring out many soldiers flinch even though they try not to sometimes you can't help it some sounds some flashes are just too powerful to painful too triggering. Her voice is never overpowered though she keeps singing, I shouldn't be amazed I mean I have known Jaz for two years now, she's one of the toughest bad ass kick ass strongest people I have ever had the privilege to serve with. I trust her with my life, I've seen her take down grown men three times her size. Why should today be any different? Soldiers were a tough breed we don't just have to be physically tough no we have to be tough mentally emotionally to deal with what we see every day all day. We don't break easily.

" _ **This is for my Children**_

 _ **When my son Mitchell looks into my face salutes me eyes full of pride"**_

Amir is now on his knees as McG and Preach stand behind him Saluting. Amir slides several of Nathan's medals over Mitchell's head.

" _ **My service is not for fame it is not for glory**_

 _ **I am not seeking American Hero**_

 _ **I just want to be remembered by my children**_

 _ **I want them to know Daddy loves them**_

 _ **I do it all for them"**_

I see Jaz taking a quick deep breath her throat must be killing her she hasn't had a drink all morning. She's struggling to remain dry eyed. I hear a slight tremor in her voice, I want nothing more than to reach over take her in my arms. Hold her let her know being strong does not mean holding her emotions inside that sometimes being strong is showing your fears, pain and vulnerability.

" ** _For when my son shares my name with pride_**

 _ **I want to be just like my daddy when I am grown**_

 _ **An American Soldier"**_

" _ **For My Daughter I leave this to you**_

 _ **My world my pride daddy's coming home**_

 _ **Will dance around this whole world**_

 _ **Will laugh will fight will high five**_

 _ **I'll be there to cheer you on that stage in your moment of glory**_

 _ **As you go forth and take on this big ol' world**_

 ** _Always remember you are the brave the strong you are beautiful as you were made"_ **

I'm slightly startled by the burst of the cannon as the American Flag is lowered to half mass.

" _ **A house is not a home**_

 _ **Is it ever home when your loved one is gone?**_

 _ **This is for the ones who will never come home again**_

 _ **I would of taken a bullet if I had seen it first"**_

I'm excepting her to break at this point, she hasn't yet I can however see the self blame radiating in her eyes as powerful as the summer sun sparkling on top of the glisten off the body of water. I feel myself flashing back to that moment.

I can still hear the gunfire still taste the sand of the sand dunes kicking up in our faces. We were out numbered hiding behind the walls of a burnt out smoking building. We were ambushed by a grenade, blinded by the bright flash chocking on the dust they came from behind. Jaz didn't see them till a half of a second too late before she whipped around with her M24 Sniper Rifle they had opened fire.

Nathan saw them first pushing Jaz out of the way three bullets went into Nathan two in his chest one in his head, Jaz herself took two one in her knee cap one in her right shoulder. Preach and I took them out as Jaz and Nathan fell to the ground.

" _ **I can still feel it, I can taste the gunpowder on my lips**_

 _ **Forgive me for my shortcomings**_

 _ **AS God forgives you, Sins be forgotten**_

 _ **Your coming home**_

 _ **An American Soldier**_

 _ **A hero a Father, A Son, A brother**_

 _ **Thank you for your service you gave all**_

 _ **Thank you for your sacrifice**_

 _ **Welcome Home"**_

21 Gun salute rings out as Pastor Jason Morgan calls out.

" _ **Now we Lay to rest Lieutenant Nathan Matthew Rosella**_

 _ **AS the Lord call him home to his glorious kingdom heaven**_

 _ **We call on you Lord Jesus for your everlasting strength for his family, his friends his team**_

 _ **As we go forth with our lives we ask that we shall be granted the wisdom to know that what can not be changed can be accepted. Jesus said I am the resurrection I am the life, he that believes in me though he is dead, yet he live"**_

Palms 23 was recited as his family went over to this casket kissing it or kneeling by it. Jaz's voice was in decrescendo as his coffin was starting it's finally journey home. __

" _ **I am ashes I am dust I am a man who fought for freedom**_

 _ **Now I am Coming Home ashes to ashes dust to dust**_

 _ **Welcome Home"**_

Jaz's voice is now silent her eyes cast forward as she stands frozen hand on her forehead in statute like every single person here. I worry about her lack of emotion even some of the biggest toughest guys are openly crying, some who barely knew him, who are here simply out of respect for a fellow Soldier a brother in a war we didn't create but have chosen to put our lives on the line for.

So Freedom can be had by our fellow citizens many who never even think about the horror we face every day. As her commanding officer I know I should order her to take time off, she needs to talk to someone. As her friend I simply want to hold her reinforce to her this was not her fault.

I am torn as to what is right follow my head and be her commanding officer or follow my heart and wrap the girl of my dreams up in my arms and refuse to let her go until she breaks. What is the right choice which is wrong? Or either one right or wrong? Will the outcome be more than what I could image?

 _ **Thank you to anyone who reads and reviews if you haven't you need to watch The Brave on NBC Monday's at 10pm.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**TV Show: The Brave**

 **Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington DC UltraBar NightClub**

 **Date: November Third 2017**

 **P O V: Captain Adam Dalton**

 **A/N: Rated M for mature content of a sexual nature.**

Somehow between talking to our Defense Intelligence Agency Deputy Directer Patricia Campbell, our colleges Noah Morgenthau, Hannah Rivera and Nathan's family, I never got to talk to Jaz. She became lost in the spectrum.

Now six hours later I can see the damage my delay in talking to her has gotten her into, Jaz has found her own way of dealing with her emotions. I can't help but not only worry about her choice as well as be a little annoyed at myself.

She's had way too much to drink, I've seen her pack them away before she can hold her liquor without it effecting her. She once challenged a 200 pond man in Russia over Vodka she out drank him and went on to cream all of us at pool. Tonight however I don't know if it was the adrenaline over the day, the stress from the last two weeks or not eating but she was gone. She's enclosed by two guys who are grinding up against her, their all sweating laughing and feeling each other up. I shouldn't be jealous she's not my girl even though I call her "my girl" in reality were both single she's free to dance flirt and date who ever she wants.

So why do I feel like popping these dudes? Maybe it's because I hate clubs, I'm all down for bars, clubs nah. Tonight wasn't my choice though, the rest of the unit wanted to blow off steam, maybe I am just getting old. I don't enjoy being canned in like a sardine, I hate rap music, the lights annoy me the noise gives me a headache and what is it that they call dancing these days? It's like everyone is on speed having convulsions.

" _You should go to her Adam"_ I feel Preach touch my shoulder as we both glance to where Jaz is dancing head back hair in her classic braids, her eyes are closed as she twists her hips where some guy has laid claim to. " _How is she still standing?"_

Maybe he's right it's a perfect excuse to get out of here as well, I can already feel the migraine and stiff neck starting. Not a good thing since we deploy tomorrow morning. It takes awhile to get to her by the time I do I can feel the sweat starting to form beads on my forehead how is she dry?

She knows how to move her body that is for damn sure I can't take my eyes off her sexy hips, her legs which go on for days, her butt which is squeezed perfectly into her jean shorts, oh and don't get me started on her chest cause I mean…. Control yourself Dalton I scold myself internally I am her superior. Lightly I tap her on the arm she turns swaying slightly I am not sure it's all on purpose.

" _Ad...am!"_ She calls out obliviously way too intoxicated her arms fly up wrapping themselves around my shoulders as she laughs, she has an amazing laugh. I hope she's still laughing tomorrow when this hangover hits her full force.

" _Time to go Jaz"_

" _Noooo I am having way too much fun meet my friends…._

She spins to introduce me to her friends who I had just made eye contact with warning them it was time to move out. She spins too fast losing her balance, I throw my arms out to catch her steady her. She's light as a feather though and falls into my chest. I can smell her vanilla body wash her pumpkin spice coffee from this morning, her Coca Butter Shampoo.

I make a mental note to watch her from now on to make sure she's getting enough to eat, signaling to our unit I let them know we are out. Once outside she starts to shiver a little so I wrap my coat around her as the cold bitter rainy atmosphere hits her hard. She moves closer to me I don't know if she lost her balance again or moved on purpose. I don't ask though I just enjoy having her so near me.

I hear the groan escape her lips knowing it meant a headache was forming I can see it behind her eyes. it's the first time I see the dark circles under her eyes as well. How long have they been there? As a commanding officer I should maintain the professional distance. As her friend I move closer taking her hand, she's almost frozen. Thankfully my apartment is only a few blocks from the club which is good because now that the air has hit her the effects are taken control she's stumbling she's quiet her eyes have glazed over.

It saddens me as I look around to know I have been gone for over two years, I've missed Cherry Blooms season again, it's so beautiful out here at that time of the year. Thanksgiving time is closing in the streets are decorated in fall decorations, I can't get into it not this year. Not today.

Inside the apartment I make coffee after showing her to the guest room laying out clothes for her, when I return I knock getting no answer so I slowly peak in to find her staring at a picture on my dresser. It was taken three months ago I had sent it to my parents along with a letter to let them know I was safe. They must of placed a copy in here for me seeing as they watch over things for me while I am deployed.

Placing the mugs down I come up behind her touching her shoulder lightly, I feel her tense at first before her shoulders start to shake.

" _It's my fault Adam"_

" _No Jaz it wasn't Nathan died doing the same thing we all do everyday, what we are all trained for live for he died protecting his friend his team mate, he did what we are paid to do serve and protect."_

" _I should of seen them I am a sniper I am trained to see the unseeable the things no one else is suppose to see, I am suppose to see them stop them!_

" _Jaz listen to me Nathan did what I would of done what you would of done what any of us would of done, were all humans we all make mistakes we can't see the future, it's war Jaz people die everyday, it's not your fault. Let me ask you Jaz if you had seen it in time and pushed him if you had died, would you want him blaming himself?"_

" _No...but…_

" _No buts Jaz"_

I engulf her body into a hug pushing her head down as she breaks down. I won't let her go this time my hand moves circles around her back. it's driving me crazy she has no idea what touching her being near her does to me. When she's done crying I help her to the bed wiping away her tears she's flushed now her skin comes alive under my touch. I feel her heartbeat increase our eyes lock.

" _Help me"_ She softly cries out I'm confused my face must show it. " _You told me a few weeks ago you can read lady eyes, so I'm begging you to look into my eyes"_

I've been avoiding this for weeks because I know if I do I will be lost her face is so close to me I can feel my spirits rise, I can taste that pumpkin coffee, I normally hate pumpkins right now though I can eat pumpkin straight out of the damn can she's doing things to me.

I can taste her salty tears I want to kiss them away, I've fallen hard for Jaz I know it I just don't know what to do about it. Every part of me is screaming this is wrong! I can lose my job, I don't care though. I don't mind not knowing what my future is not when I am staring into those gorgeous tear soaked hazel orbs.

So lost I don't notice her moving closer to me not until her lips have already crashed into mine hard hungrily. It's too late to stop it if I had wanted to. I don't instead I say screw it, I kiss her back hard wrapping my arms around her.

She tastes even more amazing than I could of ever dreamed pumpkin almonds, vanilla, heaven...I know it's wrong, yet wrong feels so damn phenomenal. I could lose everything I have worked so damn hard for, yet I don't stop her from removing my shirt, from kissing my chest, her lips sucking on my nipples. I can feel her eyelashes battering lightly against my hairs. I feel her hands reaching down to unbuckle my belt, my own hands have found their own home under her shirt feeling their way up under her bra which has now become unfastened. She lifts her arms allowing me to remove the pesky garment. My kisses now travel down her gorgeous sweaty body from her checks, to her neck which I take my sweet time sucking on enjoying hearing her moan.

Kicking off my jeans I am shocked at how eager her hands are wasting no time in finding my family jewels, a throaty groan escapes my own lips. My own hands have started wandering her body seeking out new pleasures as I lay her down on her back her back arches as my fingers slide inside her at first only one to get her wet and loosened. Than two which becomes three increasing speed as my legs tighten feeling my erection hardening.

Minutes turn into an hour of my lips sucking each of her breasts like the last drop of a cherry Popsicle on a blazing summer day, I can't get enough. Breasts are such a unique taste salty not sweet not sour, no food no wine can be compared to sensational sensual taste of a women's elegance.

Jaz's moans tell me I am doing something right it's almost too good to believe I am finally acting on what I have dreamed about doing for two years now. I can see her eyes filed with lust passion, aching to feel anything except the pain and self blame she's been carrying around for way too long.

It's what I have wanted all night a way to help her forget to ease the pain, I won't stop now damn the consequences the morning will bring. She lowers herself to perform the one act most men live for, honestly blowjobs to me are pointless, nothing can ever satisfy me like when Jr is inside a women. He's warm wrapped in a blanket that tightens as he gets more and more excited.

I know I want to help her relax so I lower my mouth to her core tasting her sweet juice as she moans gripping the bed. Her moans increase getting louder till they become screams, her legs trembling unable to arch anymore as her walls tighten. Pushing her back I stare into her eyes making sure she's good, their screaming at me begging me to help her forget.

I know I should look for a condom but knowing and doing tonight seem to have trouble finding each other. Jaz is too far gone to care, something I hope we don't regret in the morning. Her nails break my skin as I push myself inside of her.

" _oh god oh oh..oh Adam..Adam...faster …._

I can see her eyes now filled with desire pleasure and pain as my rhythm increases faster harder I am sweating breathing heavy as I feel her getting wetter and tighter. " _Thank god oh god yess...Adam oh my god"_ I pull her body to me her breasts pressed solidly against my chest her heart beating as fast as mine, her breath catching in her throat.

Our lips crash together as we ride each other's pleasure god she is amazing our hands never stop roaming each other's bodies and hair.

I feel her tighten around the same time I feel myself starting to cum, I hear her breath catch again as I lift her left leg up increasing speed as the air hits her between her legs causing her to scream wild thrusting her head back arching her back.

We both orgasm at the same moment I don't pull out only increasing her pleasure as she sheds a few tears our relief is so powerful we crash down on to the bed at the same time. Exhaustion takes over our bodies as I wrap my arms around her. Despite feeling so tired I could make love to her again all night. Pulling her so she's laying on top of my chest. I kiss her face as I see her eyes close, her breathing is still fast. She can't talk much but she manages to get out in a breathy voice.

" _Thank You Adam you'll never know how much this means to me"_

If only she knew how much it meant to me I feel her drift off to sleep. I can't quite sleep yet I find myself staring at her perfect body the starry night sky outside my window, feeling grateful that even though today one of the saddest days in any soldiers life, has turned out to be the day I most felt at home.

Holding the girl of my dreams in my arms I cover her as I close my eyes trying to find some sleep knowing morning will come all too quickly. Planting one last kiss on her head I softly whisper.

"" _I love you Jaz Welcome Home"_

 **A/N: Not sure if I should leave this as is or see what happens come morning. Thoughts feelings? Reviews? Thinking of making this a crossover with Law and Order SVU any thoughts? Who's excited for tomorrow's all new episode? Any suggestions you want hit me up. / mileycfan4eva is my twitter. dashboard is my tumblr. tattooed4uariandliz is my IG. Special Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this as a favorite.**


	3. Chapter 3

**TV Show: The Brave**

 **Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington DC Dalton's Apartment**

 **Date: November 4th 2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

 **A/N: So I listened to the reviews I am changing the course of this story.**

 **(Jaz's Flashbacks to the night before)**

" _Help me"_ His face shows his confusion as I stare deep into his eyes" _You told me a few weeks ago you can read lady eyes, so I'm begging you to look into my eyes"_ I can read his so clearly he wants me, he wants me bad but I wonder if he wants me as bad as I need him. He has no idea how he is going to say no I can see it playing across his face as his fingers trace my neck then my checks he's breathing me in, he wants something to remember me by because he HAS to say No he is after all my commander.

I can feel the tears building up why do I always fall for the ones I can never have? The ones who will break my heart? I feel so lost right now, If I'm being honest though I have felt this way for so long, too long. It's really the only feeling I have truly known. The last two years working with this team however has truly been the only time that I felt like I belonged somewhere that I wasn't a wandering nomad. That I was worth something, closing my eyes I breathe him in. He was the reason I found myself calling the army home.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye we've been through so much. I have lost so much how can he except me to say goodbye again? First I lost my cousin in 911 then my parents split up when I was eleven. My brother was lost to gangs, jail. My best friend killed in a drive by when we were 12, then there was Steven my first boyfriend I was 13, he was 14 almost 15 when he killed himself after we got into a brutal fight. I never got to say I was sorry I never got to tell him I loved him I was proud of him before he was gone.

Than Nathan was gone before I knew it how could I say goodbye again? I couldn't why can't he just close his eyes kiss common sense goodbye? Screw the rules he wants me he isn't married, I'm legal age, there's nothing stopping us expect his pride and some stupid rule. Rules were made to be broken.

 **(End Flashback Morning After)**

I sit up gasping grabbing the covers as I look around sweat is dripping down my back and face. It takes me a full five minutes to calm my breathing down. My head is spinning bad god how much did I have to drink last night? Too much that I know my stomach is already trying to empty itself.

Slowly I sit up swinging my bare legs over the bed. Okay so I am having a wicked hangover that much is clear. Looking around I find the picture I am looking for the one with Jared Campbell and Darrin Reid two cadets Adam had trained three years ago who went on to receive purple hearts for the courage in the rescue of an American hostage last year, Adam was in the center arms around their shoulders he never liked to take credit for his heroism or his training. They made sure he was recognized he looked so handsome standing there. I remember that day so clearly how I had stood back watching him wishing I was standing next to him with his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

Holding the sheets close I can still smell him I can still feel him inside of me, I can hear him groaning as his arms wrap around me pulling me close. His flesh pressed against mine.

Last night was a dream come true for me. I feel the tears sliding down would he regret it? I didn't I can taste him on my lips now I know why kids are so psyched to meet a celebrity how they swear they will never wash their hands again after a celebrity shakes it. It's silly sure but it just seems so unreal you spend so much time day dreaming about that moment you will get to meet that one person who fills your heart with so much joy, who inspires you to be stronger, better, smarter. You never in a million years think it will happen, it's too far of a reach so when it does you just want to hold onto that moment even if it's just their scent.

" _Thank You Adam you'll never know how much this means to me"_ Dear God I hope it didn't sound desperate clingy. Breathe Jaz just breathe no matter what happens now you have to hold your head up high you still have to work together.

" _I love you Jaz Welcome Home"_ He had no idea that I heard him he thought I was asleep I know he did because he would never admit it out loud.

My stomach barred up as I sprung to life racing to the bathroom seconds before everything came pouring up. I'm not sure how much time passes as I lay on the floor puking violently. I know it's been awhile though when I sit up feeling dizzy. If I regret anything about last night it was the stupid decision to get liquid courage flowing through me. I should of just manned up told him I felt screw the damn booze.

Finally after my stomach finishes it's assault on me payback for everything I drank last night I climb into the shower. I'm starting to sober up I have to pull myself together we're due to leave today, the whole team is suppose to meet up here. I'm the only one who's not from Washington which is why I was staying at Adam's in the first place.

Preach was born here now he's raising his family here so he was happy to have the chance to get to spend a few nights home. Amir moved here last year when he met his fiance in France she's from here, McGuire moved here when he was 18 to attend college for medicine. Dalton was a military kid who moved around from country to country till his dad retired when Adam was 12, they settled here in D.C.

Adam's became our base camp because it's closet to the DIA. I wasn't ready for this would they know? Would he say anything? The water feels amazing I haven't had a real shower with bath gel, scented shampoo and conditioner in ages. The warmth of the water feels like baby kittens kissing my skin. Feeling refreshed I step out grab a towel to wrap around myself.

You can do this Jaz you have to do this. You made the choice to sleep with him now own it. Nothing last forever as much as I want to hold onto last night. I have to carry on maybe he won't regret it but I know he won't let it happen again. There's too much on the line for both of us.

I don't know if I can do it play it cool though, I want this so bad this isn't just some crush or puppy love. No this shit is real. I have never felt this way before. He makes my heart flutter so hard I feel sick he makes my head spin with happiness. He gives me confidence strength he makes me feel like my whole world is an earthquake about to happen. It started slow like the slightest tremor of my legs which started to give way with each touch subtle never meaning it to be anything for him, to me though each touch each hip bump every correction of my stature were like little angels playing their trumpets of hallelujah. Those tremors over time became big smoldering thunderous black clouds. Roaring across my whole being my heart became a big flaming ball of fire filled with each memory of the two of us.

I don't know how to feel about this anymore if I thought sleeping with him would clear me of these feelings they didn't. They just made it more painful, I know I can never be with him I have a million reasons as to why this can't work why it shouldn't work. How can I be without him though? That's the question I can't seem to find the damn answer to.

I feel sick suddenly barely getting out of the shower in time before my stomach empties itself again. How can I do this? How can I say Goodbye to the only person who's truly made me feel alive since Steven died?

Nothing will ever change the way I feel, but I don't want to give up my career I would never ask him to give up his. So I have to do this I have to prepare myself for when he says Good-Bye. I know my love is true I know True Love never dies, so maybe in ten or fifteen years when we're ready to retire maybe our paths were cross again. Maybe I can have hope. If it's meant to be it will happen right?

I know I will think about this night every time I close my eyes will he? Did he mean what he said last night? Or was it just lust? Would he ever think about me in that way? I doubt it. I can hope I can wish, I can ask but I know I will never have the courage.

I am too afraid of hearing his answer at least if I never hear him say no I can have my dreams. I can dream of his arms around me, I can remember how they felt. Sometimes goodbye, even though it hurts my heart is the only way for destiny maybe goodbye as much as it fucking hurts is the only way now for us. At least if I own it if we talk about it maybe we can stay civil maybe we can work together. Maybe I can save myself from being transferred.

Stay Strong Khan you can do this you have to do this. Someone once told me destiny was written in the stars. I wonder if it's true? I wonder what our future is. I wish I could read those damn stars. If I could though would it change anything?

I wouldn't change last night even if saw ahead even if I saw tragedy. Last night was the first time I felt at home in a long time in too long of a damn time. A chill went through me as I pull the towel around my body, I thought of lyrics to a song I hear a while ago.

" _ **I lit a fire with the love you left behind,  
And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside."**_

Adam had lit a fire within me, within my heart within my soul, it slowly burnt up me but I wouldn't let it burn me up. I was an adult I made my choice now I had to own my choices, even if it meant saying goodbye. I prayed silently he wouldn't ask me to. _ ****_

 **Lyrics belong to Grace Potter, so how about that finale? I knew she'd get caught it was obvious but dear god it did not stop my heart from pounding with fear, excitement. I can't wait a whole month! Uh! Anybody else falling apart waiting? I can't wait for Dalton to kick those bad guys butts. As always thanks to the reviews and favorites hope this makes people happier. Also if you log in as guest there is no way to reply.**

 **Follow me on twitter Mileycfan4eva and on IG tattooed4uariandliz my fan account on IG for Jaz/ Natacha is JazKhanthebrave.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Dalton's Apartment**

 **Date: 11/4/17**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

 **Time: 10:45 am**

 **Chapter Four: The Price**

Take a deep breath Khan stop the shaking, I un-clench my hands over and over their feeling tenser starting to get stiff like they do before I get a panic attack. My neck is also starting to get tense. Why? Because of him my eyes take him in no one has saw me yet so I stay hidden behind the wall right before the living room.

McGuire was on the recliner flipping through the TV channels, Preach was on the floor with his kids, his wife on the couch. Amir was setting the table as Hannah and Noah sat by Preach's wife on the couch cuddling and laughing at something. Adam's parents stood in the door frame of the living room/ dining room talking politics to someone, I didn't see who. There was Adam standing at the stove flipping pancakes and eggs sipping his coffee. God he was shirtless was he trying to kill me?

Swallow Khan fucking swallow and breathe for god sake's you've faced IUD's you've faced terrorism, prejudice over your skin color, you've dealt with things most people would run in fear from. So why the fuck are you falling apart over a man?

Adam was laughing at something his sister A.J was saying she's thirty-two and the spitting image of Adam except female, same gorgeous eyes, the wavy blond hair down to her neck. She's 5'9 thin as a rail, she's an aspiring model. In short she's the type of girl who use to try to beat my ass back in NYC.

She's hanging onto Adam's every word laughing at whatever he said why wouldn't she? Growing up Adam was her protector, her savior when their dad would get so drunk or so angry he would blackout lose control. They would become his target it didn't matter if he was only 12, she was ten and their brother only six. When he lost control they were the ones who suffered.

I can feel my breathing start to grow rapid faster than I ever thought it would. Adam always threw himself in front of his siblings he took the blows so they didn't have to. He was a man way back before he even knew what a man was, he was more of a man then his dad.

I know how scared he must of felt because I was him. I can still hear my dad yelling as the beer bottle flew from his hand, it didn't matter what caused the rage, it could be something as stupid as the Yankees losing to the red socks, it could be a failing grade in one of our classes. My parents expected perfection from my brothers and I nothing less then 100% on every test every homework assignment. In my dad's mind he didn't immigrate from Lebanon and go through all the hardships he had to endure so we can squander our chances of a better life.

Whatever it was that set him off once my dad went off there was no going back he would smash the bottles sometimes against the wall sometimes against our heads, he would start screaming usually a mixture of Arabic and English. I would always have to be the one who shoved my brothers out of the way one was too young too scared. My older brother was blinded by his loyalty to our dad, to how he raised those boys to perceive a women's worth less then a man.

I would take the blows to the face to the stomach, chest, the hair pulling the smashing of my head against whatever blunt object he could find to inflict the most pain, the belt against my bare butt. I would endure the insults that a girl's place was in the kitchen that I would never be anything girls were worthless good for only one thing.

I can remember every lie I had to tell teachers doctors and nurses when they would ask _"How did you get this broken arm Jaz?"_ _"I fell down the steps I was chasing my brothers, I'm a bad girl"_ or " _How did you get that black eye Jaz?" "I was fighting with my brother, he sucker punched me"_ My dad was always there watching me waiting for an excuse to knock me around more if I messed up if I ratted him out. I knew better I knew that no good would come out if telling the truth, where would I end up if they took us away? Split from my brothers stuck in some god awful foster home? A group home? I've been in both after one too many trips to hospitals through my six year old year, I was taken placed in a group home which was indescribably awful the kids all fight each other for what little services the government offers. Which is next to nothing, the grownups don't give a shit about you, their in it for the check. I was often ganged up on by the older girls since I was a loner, they would hold me down take their turns hitting me punching me kicking me. Spitting at me laughing at me. I was in a foster home for six months when I was eight, the dad was a piece of shit who took his kicks in taking what didn't belong to him, like my virginity.

No I knew that if I just kept my head held high kept working out kept going to the gym boxing and building up my strength I could survive this horror. So I covered up my bruises I kept smiling I hide the pain, I came up with better stronger lies, I learned how to be an actress in my dad's twisted world of pain and games. I became depressed but I never used drugs, I drank a lot as a teenager I cut myself, I barely ate, I was alive but barely.

I often wondered why? Was I not lovable? Did I do something wrong? Was I not pretty enough? Smart enough? I told myself he was just old fashioned he was raised in a different culture one where women weren't valued. It didn't take away the pain of knowing that in my father's eyes I would never be equal. I would never measure up to my brothers Adib and Rabih. Even when Adib got started in the gang life even when he got arrested brought shame to our family.

Even when Rabih ran away and got married at 16, while I stayed in school got straight A's, I was still never good enough in fact my dad's anger just seemed to grow. His resentment manifested into a deep seeded hate for me which left me with two choices cower and take his abuse or fight back. A part of me died when I knew I would never get his love when I knew my mom would never love me enough to take my side over his, but a part of me came alive. I started fighting back every blow I received I gave back. I was never going to bow down to any man I would never be their servant or their punching bag.

Steven was my main influence in that, he was a neighbor from the apartment across from mine, we grew up together, I know his dad had the same issues with Alcohol as mine, his parents fought all the time. We would sit in our rooms and signal each other drawing with chalk on our windows, we had endless conversations without words. Steven belonged to a boxing club he taught me to stand up for myself, he got me inside the male only club, he convinced his teacher to teach me. Every day I went I endured the yelling the punches it made me stronger when I saw my dad's face on that bag or on the face of my teacher. I let my demons lose, I grew better, stronger.

Standing up straight I shake my head staring at Adam and A.J. I envy them I miss having siblings who I can count on. I haven't heard from my brothers in years, I don't know if their dead or alive. I left home when I was seven teen, I never looked back I enrolled into a JROTC High School and started making my own path. My dad disowned me, my mom stayed loyal to her husband.

Adam's dad has changed I guess losing a son will give some men perspective. My eyes scan his living room till I find the wall of pictures I was looking for. A collection of memories of Adam, A.J and their brother Evan as they grew up. Damn Adam was a cute kid those crystal blue eyes that could stare through your soul, that wavy blond hair which was always in his face even as a kid.

In the one picture their in the sand box Adam may be around seven he's posing with his arms up as he holds a pile of sand above his brother's head. Adam was chunkier not in a fat way but in a way a lot of little kids are. His brother Evan was taller lankier with hazel eyes and darker brown hair, they both had the same mysterious smile though.

Even when he knew Adam was holding the sand above his head he knew Adam would never hurt him. I feel a few tears come to my eyes as I glance at another picture this one taken six years ago. Evan, I graduating from Army boot camp. Adam once again stood tall by his brother this time holding Evan's plaque up high for the world to see. His brother the solider his peer. Evan and I were in the same camp that's how I met Adam, to me he was the cool older brother any kid would be lucky to have.

The one I wished I had, not the brother who ran away and left me to deal with our dad's abuse. Evan was like my twin brother we thought alike we had the same taste in music, shared the same dirty jokes, we were what is called "Battle Buddies" we learned to depend on each other trust each other, respect each other. He idolized Adam and talked about him so much I think I fell in love with the man he conjured up before I even met the real Adam Dalton.

My road was hard after boot camp I went to college to Officer Candidate School where I had professors who would joke that I was eye candy one would use me as a distraction when training soldiers to shoot, if they looked at me, missed the shot they would fail, he would let them take it out on me I had to take it or I would fail. I was told to go home to go put a dress on and pick a man to take care of me. I was harassed sexually by many of the guys, some would hold up a nurses uniform and tell me to make them feel better, I had to prove to them to myself I belonged.

I changed programs twice till I ended up in Special Forces, where I met someone who changed how I saw myself, which in turn changed how others saw me. Drill Sergeant Casey Theodore she taught me that being a women could help me because I could get into places men couldn't it would serve me, my team well when I was deployed into countries where women were dismissed, where women were segregated. She taught me to be proud to use it, and never let anyone take it away from me. She believed in me so much I found myself rising quickly in ranks becoming an 18B a special force weapons sergeant.

When I came out I was deployed to Afghanistan where I ended up leading Evan's Squad after the last Sargent was killed. Through my dedication hard work patience and fast thinking I caught the attention of my Sergeant Major of the Army who suggested I enroll in Sniper School. Evan and I served together proudly for four years, we grew up together in a way. He saw me as a sister a friend a commander he didn't see me as a women but he didn't dismiss it either. I watched him transform from a cocky street wise kid to a man who proudly risked his life to serve and protect. When I was transferred two years ago to Special Ops Force 7, the hardest part was leaving Evan. Till I saw who my commander was.

I remember that day we lost Evan like it was yesterday I remember the chill tearing through my spine, we were worlds apart Adam and I with our team in Iran, Evan and his team in Afghanistan. I remember feeling off the whole day. I hadn't seen Evan in over a year at that point but we talked every week through text, video chats. He was the first one to figure out how I felt about his brother. He teased me about it all the time. I never had the courage to say anything to Adam. Which gave Evan so much to tease me about. That's what he had been doing the last time I talked to him telling me what a wuss I was for a U.S Army Sargent. I can still picture his face as his eyes fill with laughter. I choose to remember that not the fear that I know must of filled his whole body when he realized the field he was crawling in was booby trapped rigid with explosions. When he knew without a shadow of a doubt he would never get to come home again. Evan, and Nathan paid the ultimate price for our freedom.

I feel sick now thinking of what an amazing man Evan was how it wasn't fair that men like him were risking their lives for the freedom of people like my brothers who didn't give a rats ass if any of us ever came home again.

I think about how lucky Evan was that he had Adam to guide him he would love the fact that I finally manned up last night. I finally made the move to show Adam how I felt. I wish he was here. One more look at this picture in the living room though makes me wonder if we never lost Evan would Adam have his dad now? Would they be able to stand at the stove arguing over the Jets Verse the Eagles? No because his dad was still doing the same shit he had always done their childhood it wasn't till Evan was killed that he understand how much he messed up, how he missed his kids childhood.

It's a bittersweet sight one that brings tears to my eyes damn why am I so emotional? I can barely hold back my tears so I don't. I sink down against the wall behind the living room. It's amazing no one has noticed me yet. I let the tears fall as I think back to yesterday to burying Nathan to watching his parents his kids his wife grieve, I wonder if anybody would give a damn in my family if I was the one killed and not Nathan.

I don't think they would maybe that's why I am so emotional maybe Adam showing me last night that I was beautiful, desired maybe it made me realize there was someone out here who gave a damn if I lived or died. I wasn't use to that I don't think my body knows quite how to handle it.

Okay Jaz you have to pull yourself together before someone comes looking for you. Country music is playing I've never been a huge fan I don't hate it but it doesn't get my blood pumping. Still I shake my nerves out Evan use to play it all the time when we worked out.

Do this for Evan he would want you two to work this out. I kiss my necklace he gave it to me at graduation the necklace which is inspired by the traditional nazar amulet, means "vision" in Arabic, the symbol of the eye stares back at the world. An unblinking emblem of strength, the eye was worn by ancient Armenians to ward off misfortune and harmful energy. This protective eye symbolizes the divine, watchful gaze that encourages you to look beyond the visible world. Let this ancient talisman grant protection and insight while you take a closer look at your own personal journey. Evan thought it resembled my journey from my father's abuse to my journeys that were about to began. I remember how he kissed my head how he whispered we had both paid the price to get here now he couldn't wait to share our stories when we were old, me with his brother and our future kids, him and his dog.

Adam was just part of my life's journey no matter how this played out I had inner strength I could deal. I had to I owed it to Evan to be civil to look out for Adam, the way he always looked out for Evan growing up. My head was racing, face flushed I felt like I had just ran The New York City Marathon.

" _Well look who the cat brought up this fine morning"_ Preach was the first to notice as I entered the living room.

Brought up the words sent a new wave of nausea rising through my stomach I swallowed against the lump as I heard Adam say a little softer. " _Morning Jaz"_ I stood frozen seeing Patricia my bosses boss standing there sipping OJ talking to his parents, dear god I must look like the ally cat that got it's ass kicked. If she knew how much I drank last night.

My eyes scanned the room how much did he tell them? It's no secret guys like to brag about their conquest, how much did he say? He wouldn't would he? " _I got some aspirin for you Jaz I believe you will be needing these"_ I couldn't reply to Dalton's words thanks to that lump again. Reaching for them I didn't dare look into anyone's eyes or see their faces.

Adam's parents came over to me as I swallowed the pills his mom hugged me straight away checking me out I felt her body stiff with un-shed tears, for her son for all the memories him and I had built, she was always decent to me, made me wonder why my own mother couldn't be bothered. His dad ruffled my hair, I almost laughed as his mom said to Adam.

" _Don't you feed her Adam? I know I taught you to cook some good old homemade southern meals, this child is too thin"_

His dad however seemed to like how I look giving me a hug as he squeezed my butt which made me uncomfortable " _I have to disagree Dalton I think your girl has all the right padding in all the right places"_

" _Dad she's not an object she's a person stop feeling my girl up"_

His girl? Did he just call me his girl? What had he said to them already? How did he feel about last night? He didn't seem to be sorry about anything or regret it. God my head is spinning, My chest feels tight cool it Jaz. Just relax cool it. Sitting at the counter I felt the room spin. Did anyone notice that he refereed to me as "his girl".

Adam slide down a plate of eggs and bacon towards me _"You need to eat after last night you'll need your strength"_ McGuire started laughing " _Girl you were wild last night"_ Color crept up my face I couldn't look at him but my blood was boiling. What right did he to make any comments about my sex life?

Okay your paranoid Jaz, he was probably talking about your dancing, you've been known to get wild when you dance, drink. December 2012 perfect example Evan got it all on video he never let you live it down. Shaking my head I cleared that thought.

Adam's eyes met mine they were soft, filled with concern for me. Okay maybe he's not an asshole, maybe I really am paranoid. " _You Okay Jaz?"_ He's standing next to me now his arm gently around my shoulders god he smells amazing! I feel his lips press against my head he's being careful but he's still taking the time to ask. " _Your not hurting too much are you?" "No I'm good with that part, you were pretty gentle" "_ _S_ _hh I have a repetition to withhold I don't think I would make a good soldier if I was known as the gentle soldier"_ I laughed slowly sipping my coffee.

" _We need to talk Adam"_

" _Yeah we do babe but not with everyone here later okay?"_ Babe he called me Babe!

" _Sure"_ My courage is starting to weaver but I know he is right I feel his sister A.J sit down next to me as Adam leaves going over to talk to Patricia.

" _So you and my brother it's about damn time he's been in love with you forever"_

I spit out my coffee almost chocking as I feel every set of eyes on me which causes her to laugh as she covered for me. " _Note_ _to self_ _don't tell dirty jokes to Jaz before 11am or she chokes"_ No one says anything but I can feel their stares burning holes in my back, what did she say? How much did she know? He told his sister about us? Adam is glaring at her though so I don't think it's him. How did she know then? Am I that transparent?

" _He's my brother dude I know him, I know how he thinks feels, I can see the way he looks at you, he is in love with you, he just isn't man enough to ever tell you, so if you want him Jaz you will have to make the move"_

" _I've chased a million things Jaz but nothing feels as amazing as finally feeling that pair of arms wrapped around me, your in my brothers every thoughts, don't let him fool you don't let him put that wall of pride and honor and duty up, push back, break down the wall no matter how hard he makes it. He wants you to fight for him, he fights for everyone except himself be the women he deserves"_

I feel sick again my head is spinning did A.J literally tell me her brother has been in love with me for as long as I have been in love with him? Did she just give a melody to cling onto a melody of hope? I jump up feeling my stomach come up again. I was ready to say Good-bye now what do I do?

 **A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating it this week. How about that finale? Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favored I wish I could reply to you all individually but I can't reply to guests.**

 **Hope this chapter isn't too confusing, Also I am working on a One Tree Hill Fic called Beautiful Transitions. My work schedule is about to get crazy so updates may be slower. Thank you again, Enjoy your holidays and remember to give thanks to our soldiers who are fighting for us to have the right to enjoy our day with our families, friends and coworkers. To those like me working on the holiday have a good day.**


	5. Chapter 5

**TV Show: The Brave**

 **Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington DC Dalton's Apartment**

 **Date: November Fourth 2017**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

" _Jaz"_

I yelled her name as I saw her bolt covering her mouth noticing Patricia looking at her with a mixture of worry and suspicion. I wanted to check on her but didn't want to seem obvious either if Patricia knew or even suspected that we crossed a line last night, I would be fired reprimanded lose my medals my rank. She would be labeled a slut, she'd be made an example of discharged with a dishonorable discharge. I avoided Patricia's eyes yet she seemed to know anyway. I needed to check on her before I could though I felt Patricia's hand on my arm.

" _Adam I don't have to remind you that you are her Superior that sleeping with your subordinate is subject for both of you to be in volition of uniformed code of military justice action under Article 92. In short I will fire both of your asses, because it's only a matter of time before it impacts your performance and puts the entire team at risk. So squash whatever this shit is, remember I am your Superior"_

" _No Patricia you don't have to remind me because nothing happened she was drunk I took care of her, now if you will excuse me I have to check on her"_

I swallowed against the over-sized watermelon which had taken resident in my throat. Fuck it all now what was I suppose to do? She was right of course it didn't make it any easier to hear. I knew what I had to do what I should do but it wasn't what I wanted to do. Not even close. What I wanted was to pull her into my arms hold her kiss her make love to her again.

I wanted to pledge to spend the rest of my life with her. I knew it wasn't realistic though we both made vows when we signed up for this career. We made a pledge a promise to protect American citizens it wasn't always about us.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice for the greater good. My brother knew that he died protecting people he didn't know. Evan didn't bother to get attached because he knew it wouldn't be fair to anyone he was with. Knocking on the door I waited a few minutes till I heard her weak shaky voice call back to me hold on. Slowly she came back out looking paler, shakier.

" _Jaz do you need anything? Something to keep the nausea down?"_

She shock her head I couldn't stop myself from reaching down to brush back a piece of hair from her eyes, which gave me a chance to look at her face. She backed away looking at me through those eyes the same eyes I found myself so lost in last night. Was she afraid of what she knew I had to say? _"Adam_ _t_ _hanks for last night you didn't have to I know you were hesitant"_ _"I wanted to Jaz your too hard on yourself give yourself time to heal"_

" _Easier said then done Tops"_ she gave a little snort as I rubbed her shoulders which took some time since she was so tense. I would do anything to make her feel relaxed comfortable if I did any mission ever in my career none would make me prouder happier than being Jaz's man to get Jasmine Khan to feel safe loved secured happy it would beat any purple star I would ever receive.

This might also be my longest and most dangerous mission yet.

" _Jaz about last night"_

She came up as I brought my lips to her check breathing her in.

" _I don't regret it do you?"_

" _Adam..._ Her voice was strained was she holding back tears? Dear God if I made her feel uncomfortable I would never forgive myself. I waited anxious for her reply.

" _I don't regret it, I wanted it I needed it, I want you in my arms every night"_

" _Tops we need you down here we got a mission!"_ Preach yelled startling both of us Jaz jumped away her eyes filled with concern as she covered her mouth groaning running back into the bathroom where I heard her vomiting cursing I balled up my fist yelling back I would be right down.

I wanted to check on her but duty called clearing my throat I let out a deep sight.

" _Sargent Khan I need you down stairs at 1100"_

What was I suppose to say to her? I should be relived I was interrupted it gave me time to let her down gently. Could there ever be a gentle way to break someone's heart? I didn't feel like my heart was breaking gently and I hadn't even said goodbye. The truth was I could never say goodbye to Jaz no matter who ordered me to.

Maybe I didn't have to, Patricia wasn't in the field, we could do this if Jaz was game. Would she be? Uh I hate leaving things like a cliffhanger in a TV show. I needed answers. I wasn't going to get them anytime soon however.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Dalton's Apartment**

 **Date & Time: 11/4/17 11:00**

 **P O V: Jaz**

" _Sargent Khan"_ I found myself stiffen straighten up as I came into the living room hearing Patricia talking she turned addressing me. Silently I prayed my stomach would settle down as I watched Patricia who was walking in between the coffee table and scattered bodies.

" _All of you know by now that whatever is discussed in this room is strictly, I mean strictly confidential"_

I took my place standing next to Adam who nodded at me he was stiffer now his eyes never turned to meet mine. Stand straighter Jaz look less drunk pay attention this is important. Her eyes went around to meet every single pair of eyes here. Everyone nodded their understanding the good vibes now silent as everyone took in that whatever Patricia was about to say was very serious and could change all of our lives.

" _Sargent Khan I will repeat what I was telling the others while you were gone"_

" _Thank you Director Campbell I am sorry I was late"_

She nodded her eyes taking me in as my stomach once again sent another wave through my body deep breaths Jaz, remind yourself about this next time you want to solve your problems with booze.

" _As of 0800 this morning in Alexandria Egypt at least twenty terrorists claiming to be Isis have bombed and shoot up The Lycee Francias d Alexandria International School. They are holding fifty two hostages Six of them are American teenagers"_

" _Dalton I want your team wheels up and ready heading out within the next thirty minutes time is of the essences, we have full corporation with the Egyptian Government we get in we get those kids and we get out, and we all come home"_

" _Hannah, Noah your coming with me we will be your eyes and ears Dalton we know your team can do this"_

Preach's wife instantly came over her eyes full of tears his teenager girls who had been laughing and fighting jokingly only a few minutes ago now stood shaken as they hugged saying their goodbye's. Adam's family was gathered around him while Amir and McGuire got on their cell phones to talk to their significant others. I felt alone and very sick again.

Watching Adam with his family hugging, talking softly & Preach hugging his daughters brought tears to my eyes, I wondered what my life would be like if I had parents who gave a damn about me, or brothers hell if I had anyone.

It's been so long sine I've had anyone who has ever gave a damn about me. Closing my eyes I found myself remembering how it felt to have Steven's arms wrapped around me. The last time I felt loved like that was December of 2003, I was 13 years old.

 **(Flashback)**

Our School was having a Christmas Dance, Steve asked me to go. I was elated I hadn't been to a dance before with a date normally we would just go as friends this was different, I was also super nervous I didn't have the fancy new clothes that most of the girls had, I spent hours trying on different outfits. Worrying I wouldn't be pretty enough for Steven.

We were outcasts at school clinging to the wall most of the dance hearing rude comments from most of the students. _"_ _Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice"_ Steven had been relatively quite the whole evening he wasn't holding my hand or joking with me like normal. I watched as his confidence level sank lower. _"_ _Steven dance with me"_ I tried to get him to forget what those losers said to just be himself but their words stuck inside his head. " _As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?" "Hey Jaz Don't you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull?" "You know that place your brains should be oh wait! I bet their mating with your tits cause you ain't got any of them either"_ By the middle of the evening I had started fighting back the tears as I took my seventh maybe eighth drink from the spiked punch. Who spikes punch at a middle school function? Well it was New York. How I loved New York! _  
_ _  
_

Steven was too shy to get out in front of the school to dance which made me wonder if it was him or being with me that was giving him the long pause. The whole evening my mind ran wild with self blame.

" _Your good enough" Your daddy always told you that you weren't smart enough"_ " _Your not funny enough" "He's ashamed he should be your not special Khan" "He only asked you because his parents made him"_

" _Your the weed Jaz he only picked you because all the flowers were already plucked by the popular boys"_

I felt the hands push me forward I flew forward into the table tears now coming down as I turned around to see the three queen bees standing there laughing.

" _Looks like Jaz can't dance"_

" _Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?"_

 _"Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!"_

My anger had started to replace my sadness. I'm sure the Vodka helped but suddenly I was up charging them, something they weren't expecting judging by their screams as I started hitting them. I wasn't going to be the only one leaving this dance in tears, hell no.

My fists pounded their faces as I felt hands pulling me back kids were screaming and cheering as they surrounded us. My feet left the ground as someone pulled me off their plastic face. Who ever it was shoved me outside the school's back door. I turned around fully ready to pound someone else face in when I saw it was Steven he placed his finger against my lip taking my hand motioning his head for me to follow.

I wanted to say so many things I didn't though I knew if we stayed we would get caught my dad would of killed me. So I took his hand and we ran fast down snow covered alley ways, past pizza joints, tattoo shops, fast food stores, apartment buildings and tourist attractions. We ran till our legs ached Christmas music blasted out of clubs and stores all advertising Holiday cheer. My body shock from the cold even though I was sweating. We had run so far I hadn't even seen where we ended up till Steven pulled me closer holding out his hand. We were in Central Park under mistletoe.

There was a high school Choir singing songs on stage and people of all ages dancing. I took his hand as he pulled me to his chest I could smell his dad's cologne. Old spice and Jasmine my favorite scent. I remember not feeling so nervous now as his arms wrapped around my body my head resting on his shoulder. " _Jaz I want you to know that whatever happens where ever life takes us, even if we end up far apart, I want you to know how much your friendship means to me,_ _you will always be the queen of my heart"_

My eyes had looked up to meet his my little mind filled with confusion why was he talking like we would never see each other again? It was Friday we would see each other at school Monday I knew he was going to his dad's new apartment since his parents split two weeks before. His eyes were filled with so much sadness I wanted to take it all away. My heart squeezed with hate for those kids who made him feel so alone for his parents who valued money over his happiness.

" _Steve please stop your scaring me"_

" _Sometimes Life is scary Jaz you know that"_

His eyes looked down on me it was like he was somewhere else on a higher plane than planet earth. My whole body suddenly had a chill that spread quickly icing over even my heart. I touched his face feeling so many emotions. I was giggling inside when my skin made contact with his how could skin feel so soft, taste so salty? How did just one look send my knees wobbling my mind spinning? How can one boy make me lose focus and spend endless hours daydreaming about him?

" _Life is also beautiful Steven look around we're here in_ _C_ _entral Park under some of the most magical decorations I have ever seen! There's tons of people from all ethnic groups. All ages, no one cares who's popular who isn't, who can dance or who is wearing what, they just care about the beat of the music, who their with an_ _d_ _if their having fun. Are you?"_

He grinned taking my hand his eyes now filled with laughter as he started tickling me I couldn't stop laughing tripping over my own feet which sent us both crashing into the snow covered concrete. He was lighting quick grabbing a snow ball sending it flying my way.

For a full hour we laughed chasing each other and other kids who joined our little game. We were both soaked shivering and cold as heck by the time he bought us hot coca and we sat under the street light watching the horse drawn carriages pick up passengers. The horses looked tired and cold I felt for them who were these people who thought it was fair to keep a horse tied up in freezing cold weather. We walked through central park sipping hot coca holding hands as snow fell gently, the wind was picking up. Santa's stood at every corner ringing the bells, people hurried by never stopping a few dropped money. Homeless people sat on the corner holding up signs "Will work for food, need mo' ey for Marijuana" Churches rang their bells, stores blasted music and neon signs blared out advertising. Men in hard hats stood on huge lifts remolding buildings, police hurried by blowing their whistles as people whizzed by on bikes, skateboards, cars honked.

Steve wrapped his arm around me as we paused outside the UN Headquarters where he wrapped his arms around me again, the flags of the world flew high above us. " _Jaz we are more than what those losers think we are, we're both smart, someday Jaz I plan to see all these countries_ _."_

" _Why Steven New York City is amazing we have so much here"_

" _Jaz NYC is only a melting pot in a bigger badder more awesome world"_

" _Promise me you won't limit yourself Jaz if something happens and I can't live to see my dream, promise me you will chase the world for me, I want to help people I want to make a difference like those firefighters and those police officers, military officers did when the towers were blown up"_

" _Sounds Dangerous"_

" _You said it before babe Life is scary and dangerous we have to be scarier"_

His arms pulled me close as we danced to whatever song was playing. Even in the -20 degree cold ass snow wind blown air I had never felt warmer then I did in his arms. My eyes closed as we laughed touched each other's noses and kissed. Cars whizzed by us, people shoved us but time stood still as our lips explored each other's mouths. Our eyes connected on a level that neither of us could understand at 13 &14 years old.

" _I'll love you forever Jasmine Khan"_

That was right before he shoved me off the ledge into the snow covered bank I screamed as the wet snow got into places wet snow should never be. " _That's war Steve!"_

 **(End Flashback)**

" _Jaz"_ I felt Patricia's hand touch my shoulder my eyes watered as I fought back my tears, her arms embraced me. Don't cry damn it Jaz she's the damn director you have to remain tough. I felt her hands rub my back for a few minutes before she pulled back her hand resting on my check.

" _Sargent Khan if there's anyone who knows your pain it's me. Losing my son almost killed me"_

" _How did you get through?"_

" _Because of this team I know no matter how great my pain is there are always others who are hurting more, that's the whole purpose of this team, we are here to help to serve to protect when there is no other hope. We are the ones who are called out to action"_

" _I know Dalton has already told you this is not your fault what happened to Nathan is horrible, it's tragic and we will carry this loss along with every loss with us for the rest of our lives:_

" _I don't know how many more losses I can take"_

" _As many as god sees fit to make you bear he never gives more than we can carry Jaz. I know it sounds idiotic but I believe it is true, more importantly you are not alone anymore, you are not that little kid under her dad's raging fists. You are a kick ass bad-ass beautiful strong women a soldier Sargent Jasmine "Jaz" Khan so wipe away those tears, take this Valium it will help your hangover and be ready to deploy"_

" _I'm ready Director Campbell"_

" _Jaz call me Patricia be safe use your brains and instincts_ _don't act on emotions or rash judgment, your team needs you these teenagers need you. I need you to be safe I want all of my team to come home"_

She pulled me back into a hug for the first time in forever I felt like I almost had a mom. She brushed my hair back and wiped away my tears.

" _Jaz last night can never happen again"_

I stared at her confused how much did I drink damn? What did I do? Did it make the news? Youtube? Oh dear god I would kill those guys if they posted a video of me dancing on a table. Hell I didn't strip did I?

" _I know your in love with Adam it's clear as day, I know you slept with him, don't ask how I know I just do, he is your superior. You are one of the few women who have cleared_ _Delta_ _to be a US Army sniper it's a rare honor hardly given to women, you are an inspiration for little girls don't screw this up Jaz do not put everything women have fought for in Jeopardy. You sleep with him it will get out, you will be labeled you will be made an example of. No one will talk about how many people you saved how many times you risked your life, all they will see is a slut who laid on her back to get to where she got. We both know that isn't you, so ask yourself is Adam worth all that?"_

" _The answer is No Jaz now dry your tears Sargent Khan say goodbye"_

Her words left me feeling cold and sick again I guess happiness isn't what god had intended for me. I could feel those voices in the back of my head coming back again like monsters hiding under the bed. You stop believing as you grow up you push child logic aside for facts. Those fears take a backseat, until a trauma triggers them and suddenly there they are smacking you in the face threatening to devour your very existence.

My dad's voice called to me again like a demon from a grave haunting me taunting me laughing at my pain, confusion.

" _You are just a nuisance that prevented me from having a five-star life. You will be nothing Jasmine you are nothing just a piece of skin waiting to be tapped, the joke is on you though no respectable man will want this trash"_

" _You ruin everything you touch this is why girls should be locked in a kitchen not seen not heard"_

" _Jaz you ready?"_

I jumped back startled as Adam touched my shoulder Patricia's gaze tearing through me as I nodded dodging him, I saw the look of hurt, confusion on his face. I wished I could take it away but I couldn't. She was right I had worked my ass off to get here against all odds. How could I jeopardize it now? How could I set back an entire generation of female empowerment struggle and views?

His eyes locked with mine quickly I lowered my gaze seeing his shift towards Patricia's I hurried past both of them tears blinding me.

Why was I always the one who had to say Good-Bye?


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Welcome Homeless**

 **Location: In Air**

 **P O V: Dalton**

" _How do you know your in love?"_

The question had been on a pop quiz in my human sexuality class. In my 12 year old mind I was thinking about love in the terms most kids did. I loved my mom because she makes awesome choc chip cookies, I loved my brother because he sees me as a hero he follows me around tries to copy everything I do. I love that video game because of how realistic it seems, the graphics are amazing. I love that singer because he has slick moves.

I wasn't at that stage where I thought of love as a girl with a boy to me girls gave cooties they kissed wet and sloppy like a dog except dogs were cute. Girls were not. I failed that quiz. I couldn't understand how I failed I thought it was a perfectly reasonable explanation, I never failed a quiz I always got A's. I harnessed my teacher all week to relook at my test, I cried myself to sleep because I was so sure my parents would be pissed.

Dad was overseas and mom was so busy trying to raise us and work two jobs I didn't even try to talk to her. I was confused though if love wasn't showing appreciation for your mom's amazing cookies or your brother's devotion what was it?

Looking across the cockpit as I steadied the aircraft I was greeted with the adult definition of love sun-kissed golden skin which dripped in sweat. Glorious hazel eyes which stared straight ahead, Jaz wasn't my first love. I had been lucky that as I grew I got to experience many forms of love. Love for my pastor Jay who was there when I was that 12 y.o scared confused kid wondering why he failed a simple pop quiz, he showed me the power of prayer, the connection to God which lead me down the path to my first crush. She was 13, I was 12 her name was Jenny she was his daughter.

Jenny was my first kiss my first real connection with the opposite sex we both liked the same music, we both loved baseball, we hated Chinese food. We couldn't wait to grow up but we also loved being young going to dances and the skate park. Everyone said what we had wouldn't last but we believed differently.

It lasted till her dad was sent to another church in another state. Losing her broke my heart but I was lucky enough to find comfort in the arms of another girl her name was Megan. Since Megan there has been a few more ladies. Some were sent to make me try harder like Alyssa when I was fifteen and felt like it was all pointless my dad would never change, I would never be tough enough to be in the army or smart enough. Alyssa was an athlete captain of the swim team and star of the soccer team. She would jog the ten miles to my house every morning at four am blow a whistle in my ear after sneaking into my window, she would encourage me to run and by encourage me. I mean scream in my ear till I was running just to get away from her. She timed me she pushed me to work harder.

She made me study she inspired me she had beauty she had a heart of gold and her kisses were like angel wings that made my heart fly. Her dad was a Marine someone who I respected he made me see how amazing it was to be part of a team, he let me watch drills he lead.

Some ladies were there to show me how to have fun and not take every little thing so serious like Julia when I was eighteen she got us into the hottest clubs she got the booze, she had some amazing moves, she was unafraid to speed down the highway at 2 am blasting punk rock, top of her convertible down, she had no issues sneaking into parks late at night to party.

No one came close to snagging my heart though not till Reagan when I was twenty-six. Reagan was the daughter of a man who hated Americans. We met in town at the market she gave us information that helped us to track the operation her father was leading.

For months I would meet with her, I promised her things I shouldn't have, she in turn gave us enough to take him down. The day of his capture Reagan got caught in the crossfire she was struck with a bullet and killed saving a little child.

Her memory still lingers in my brain losing her hurt just as bad as losing Evan, it causes a sigh to escape my lips one louder than I would of liked. Jaz picks up on it instantly turning her sun-kissed face towards me.

" _You alright Tops?"_

Her voice is softer than normal is it the pill causing her to become so hallow? Her leftover hangover? The task of the mission? Losing Nathan? Did Patricia say something? I saw them talking. Did she regret last night?

" _Fine Jaz you?"_

She didn't reply just looked out the window. The cockpit doors were closed I could hear Amir's laughter as he challenged McGuire to something. So I took her hand she pulled away instantly like I had shocked her. I knew instantly Patricia had gotten to her. Anger boiled inside my brain, in my blood what right did she have to scare Jaz away?

" _Hey babe I know this won't be easy"_

" _This? Babe?"_ She cut her words carefully but full of anger " _I'm not anyone's babe or Bae and this ain't happening"_

" _Jaz we agreed before we don't have any regrets, I know what we did was wrong professionally speaking but life is more than about being a professional life is about connection, love taking risks"_

" _For you Adam for you maybe but for me I have to be professional because I don't have the same passes you "Guys" get I have to walk the line straighter, I have to be stronger. I can't afford to show weakness or fall in love, I have a whole generation of girls looking up to me, I have to play on the safe side because I will be the one who's shamed, who's made to look like a whore sleeping her way to the top, I don't have a family to fall back on, my whole life counts on me making a career out of the Army"_

She was so fired up her face was beat red but it wasn't anger that was fueling her I could read her eyes like a book. She was afraid deeply afraid but of what is what I couldn't figure out. What had Patricia said to her? Did she use Jaz's past against her? What part? Her dad? Steven? Delta? Did she use that women empowerment line? I've heard her use it a thousand times.

I couldn't argue with her not when everything she said was true, Patricia would fire her she would shame her America would shame her. All her hard work her accomplishments would lead to no where. Why though? Why was it so hard for a women to earn the same as a man? This is 2017 for crying out loud. Jaz was too modest to show her accomplishments or give all the reasons she had for given up. I knew them all though, which is why I knew that no matter how much I wanted to push her to convince her this was worth fighting for. I couldn't she had to make that choice.

I wanted to take her in my arms and show her how much I loved her, how I was wiling to fight anyone to be with her. One look in her eyes though I knew now wasn't the time Patricia had stolen that light that just a few hours ago had shone so bright it was that light that gave her the courage to kiss me, to de-shirt me. To open herself up let her guard down.

All her shame all the self blame the confusion the anger it had all come crashing down last night in a tangle of sheets clothes sweat booze and lust.

I saw her so clearly last night the hurt from all her dad's rage, the losses of her friends. I saw the scars which covered her legs, the one on her right butt check from when she was seven and "fell" down the steps it left a scar in the shape of a tiny flower.

Why couldn't Patricia see that maybe this was exactly what Jaz needed. Maybe she needed to be loved unconditionally to know that for once someone put her first, to be ravished adored, supported she needed someone to laugh with cuddle with kiss softly goodnight and good morning. She needed to hear that she's beautiful that she's perfect as she is.

"Fight for her Adam" That's how you know what love is when the fire in your heart is so all consuming so hot that you will throw your life into the firing pit just so she never feels the flames scorch her skin. When your love is threatened your very life seems like it will end.

Father Jay's words to me at my commitment ceremony when I was thirteen. His words seemed to be speaking to this very moment. My own words however seemed stuck in my throat looking at her seeing how stiff she was, how cold her eyes were. I wondered if maybe love was being selfless and knowing that just because you want something so damn bad you feel like your going to die without it, doesn't mean you get to have it or should have it.

" _Jaz we can make this work, I want us to work I love you I will fight for you, we can be discrete about this, I know it's not the stuff of fairy-tales, it's not what you deserve but we can make it work at least until we can complete our tours, I'm ready to settle down Jaz if it means we can be together, I know it's not ideal but we can make this happen"_

" _No Dalton we can't just drop it please"_

Her words came out harsh but her eyes were filled with tears as she turned away. I know I joined the military prepared to make sacrifices but sometimes I think the damn sacrifices are too much to ask of any human.

" _It's all I want Dalton I just...We can't..I'm sorry"_

" _Jaz this is wroth fighting for"_

" _No Dalton it's not…._

Translation your not I felt the unspoken words as harsh as if she had said them out right. She didn't think I was wroth the fight, I could see her shoulders shaking did she mean those words? Or was it fear talking? I had never seen Jaz Khan back down because of fear. Why did she choose now?


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Alexandria Egypt**

 **Date: 11/5/17**

 **P O V: Jaz**

" _Sick bastards how could anyone use Kids as targets?"_

Preach's voice brought me out of my trance shaking my head I tried to clear the rush going through my head. I had to pull myself together. I had been so focused on watching the hostages for the last twenty minutes I hadn't even heard him talking. I could see at least six hostages in the room across from us where we were hidden on the roof, there were eight guards all holding Ak-47's.

" _There are a lot of sick bastards in this world Preach if there weren't none of us would have jobs"_

" _Yeah and you know Jaz I would be alright with being unemployed, if it meant everyone could live in peace"_

" _Nice dream world Preach"_

" _Yes it is range is 6'6 Jaz keep yourself steady"_

" _Would be a lot easier if it wasn't snowing like crazy and I wasn't freezing my ass off"_

" _I feel ya girl I feel ya'"_

" _Tops I have a shot"_

" _Hold position Jaz, Amir isn't settled yet"_

" _Tell him to hurry his slow ass up I am freezing out here"_

" _Yeah I'll be sure to relay that message Jaz now just settle down"_

Easy for him to say he was inside where it was warm, Preach and I were the ones outside for the last twenty minutes laying on a snow and ice covered roof our backs pelted with hail the size of fists, snow cold as ice and wind so strong I could barely hold my gun steady.

" _So what do you think each kid's story is?"_

Preach tried to change the subject so I wouldn't get pissed off sighing I played along maybe it would warm me up thinking of someone else life. I looked into the zoom lenses looking at each kid, there was one kid who was in the corner by himself glasses as thick as coke bottles on strings, he had suspenders on he was around 13 or 14 I could tell he was Asian. I wondered where he was from China? Japan? Vietnam, North Korea? There was a girl with long braids who was clinging to her best friend? Her girlfriend? They were dressed in designer clothes, nails done perfectly they couldn't be more then 14. Than there was a blond boy about sixteen holding onto his girlfriends hand or sister also blond. Another boy who looked too young to even be in High School yet he was tough looking eyes glaring hate at his captures, another hand was holding him back.

" _Suspenders dude is for sure the class treasure who hasn't had a date in his 14 years on earth, he has a crush on Goldie locks over there"_ I pointed to the girl holding onto the boyfriend or brother for dear life.

" _Ah geek you mean"_

" _I didn't say that"_

" _You meant it"_

" _Your turn make it good"_

" _Okay young buck over there I image he's from Sierra Leone he's the first of any family member to get into a high school as exceptional as this, he's the only one to even get out of Sierra and he's bound to make a better life for himself so someday he can get his mama out of the village and into a real house"_

" _Wow really? That's quite an imagination"_

" _Well Mama always said I was a creative genius"_

" _I have a feeling it was worded differently"_

" _Okay so who's the blond boy?"_

" _Easy the star of the football team who's secret love is dance"_

" _Oh god really? Now I know your secret so how did you end up slinging guns? Didn't have the moves?"_

" _Girl I got so many moves Michael Jackson himself was scouting me"_

" _Oh so that's why M.J died desperation"_

He gasped hitting my ass causing me to gasp. " _Jaz, Preach settle down before you get yourselves compromised"_

Patricia's voice sobered us both up but I still rolled my eyes.

" _So now you know my secret who were you?"_ His eyes were full of questions all of which I knew I would not want to answer. " _Wait I got it that's you"_ He pointed to the blond chick I stared at him as if he had cracked his head than glanced down at me. " _What part of me screams blond rich girl?" "Girl it ain't about color or money, she's popular because she has that inner glow that attracts people to her"_

" _Damn Preach you really are old ain't nothing in High School popularity world has to do with inner beauty"_

The image of these two kids though brought me back to that Christmas dance when Steve held me. I felt so peaceful so happy. Whoever these two were they deserved that to.

" _No for sure not me try again"_

" _I can see it Jaz If you and Adam had gone to the same high school, you two would for sure be homecoming queen and king"_

" _Your insane Preach first off Adam and I are not a couple"_

" _Denial it ain't just a river in Egypt girl"_

I glared at him he shrugged laughing at his own joke " _See what I did there Egypt were in Egypt and …._

" _Yes Preach I just forgot to laugh"_

" _Besides even if I wanted to be with Adam there's an age difference and the fact he's my captain"_

" _Six years Jaz that's nothing, and rules are made to be broken"_

" _It ain't happening Preach just let it go"_

" _Ain't nothing gonna happen as long as you keep floating in that denial river"_

" _You know I heard Preach that their still discovering bodies in those tombs keep taking shit their will be sniffing you out a thousand years from now"_

" _Oh girl you got those words flowing like a smooth criminal but have you got the balls to back them up?"_

" _I'm holding a M24 wanna test me?"_

" _You weren't popular Jazzy-Jaz?"_

" _Never I mean never call me that again or you will see how many balls I have when I blow yours clear across the Indian River"_

" _No I wasn't popular"_

I left it at that watching as the girl clung to her boyfriend as one of the terrorists held a gun to her head, she was shaking in fear crying my anger seeped through my veins. She was facing death something no kid ever thinks will happen to them not till their old and Grey.

" _What's taking so long?"_

" _Tops knows what he is doing have patience"_

" _I don't never have, these kids could die at any moment, these bastards are fully ready to kill to go home to Allah in a blaze of glory"_

" _That won't happen we're here Jaz we will get them home they will be okay"_

" _Okay or survive? Because there's a difference Preach"_

" _They may make it out alive but their memories their lives will be forever altered"_

I could feel his eyes on my back my legs aching from being in the same spot for so long. I hated when people stared at me. " _Stop it your creeping me out"_

" _Sorry Jaz"_

Yet he was still staring at me I decided he would pay later right now my mind needed to focus on the mission at hand.

' _There we have a mini Alicia Keys her fingers are so poised yet callused form years of practice at the piano"_

" _That boy reminds me of a young Amir rich and vogue yet nervous as hell"_

" _That's horrible dude"_

" _So Jaz did you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend who made you feel special?"_

" _A girlfriend really?"_

" _Hey you never know"_

" _No one special Jaz? Your beautiful I find that hard to believe"_

Was he being serious or cocky? I couldn't tell.

" _I'm serious Jaz I can't believe someone as awesome as you didn't have someone special"_

" _Never said I didn't"_

" _Aw so there was someone"_

Sighing I scanned the surrounding rooms Tops was in the room two floors below slowly creeping his way up. Amir was in the vent trying to secure a decent spot, McGuire was inside by the second story stairwell waiting for the hostages to start coming down.

" _Spill Khan. Okay I'll spill first Seventh Grade my first kiss was Monica Robinson damn she was fine"_

" _Seventh Grade your a dog dude"_

" _Roof"_

" _So who was yours Khan?"_

When you work together this closely day after day you grow close fast you learn to trust to share. You can't do a job like ours without a genuine love, respect and trust in each other.These are the best guys I have known they treat me as an equal in work yet their protective and love me as a sister. So it's a little strange talking about my first kiss with Preach he's old enough to be my dad.

" _Was it that unforgettable?"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Queens, New York, NY Rover Nation Stadium**

 **Date: 11/23/2000**

 **P O V: Jaz**

" _Let's go ROVERS Lets Go! Let's go Rovers Lets Go!_

 _R.E.D R.O.V.E.R.S Spell it out Big Red, Red Rovers Lets go!_

 _We got the flow we got the soul! Let's get it let's go! Rovers ya'll know_

 _We ain't here to play we will bounce you straight outta our house!"_

The Extreme excitement was electric the cheerleaders hyped up on caffeine Sugar and sheer enthusiasm, the fans for both teams were super stoked. Every Thanksgiving Empire Community Junior/ High School in Flushing Queens New York faces off against their long time enemy Bronx Central Catholic Jr/ Sr School. It's been an ongoing tradition since 1910, during the normal season these two schools never meet since their both classified in different divisions.

I could care less about any of this I'm only eleven too young to even go to the school, I came simply for two reason's one because holidays meant my dad's drinking would be even worse. Drinking + Dad's temper = hell for me. So I would put up with the freezing cold, the brutal winds at seven pm it was better than being home by a long shot.

Second reason because Steven my best friend had the hugest crush on one of the cheerleaders he's older 12 almost 13 he would be going to this school next year and he was determined to fit in. He was sick of being a loser he had been working out for hours each day so he could try out for the football team. I honestly didn't think he had a shot he hasn't played in his 12 years on earth and the players at Empire weren't average high school players no these brothers were born and breed. Tradition stood proud at Empire generation after generation of young men represented this school. Still I wasn't going to be the one to rip out his heart.

Even if it meant putting up with kids I couldn't stand and their noisy parents who kept sending nasty looks my way just because they didn't like how I dressed. Their looks didn't bother me I loved how I was dressed black baggy jeans, that were ripped at the knees, a baggy long sleeved black shirt with the words written in red " **I love sarcasm it's like punching people in the face but with words"** my hair was braided in two long braids going down my back I had a rovers bandanna on and a thick ECS Hoodie.

My makeup was dark purples and slivers, each of my ears had six piercings in them plus my eyebrow, my parents didn't know I had them, shows how little they noticed me. My black boots came up to my calf's, after one too many hot coca's I had to pee so bad I was about to burst. Where the hell was Steven? He had gone for a hot dog over twenty minutes ago.

Of course the lines to the bathrooms were outrageous I kept watching my back this game was famous for one too many things, how serious each team took it, how serious some fans took it every year the cops had to break up one too many fights. I could already hear one about to break out something to do with last nights prank at Empire's annual parade that BCC caused. Fights here weren't just words and fists no there always had to be some damn weapon involved. I was ready to run if needed to be but I was seriously hoping it was just two drunk people taking comments too far. I really needed to pee.

" _Sucks being a girl doesn't it?"_

Steve's voice taunted me as I spun around just as his fingers attacked my stomach starting to tickle me. He wouldn't stop which left me no choice but to give chase. His laughter rung through the air as I cursed his name chasing him through the mass of fans.

My legs pumped hard making my chest squeeze in regret as I burst through the doors of Rover Nation stadium onto the sidewalks of Flushing Queens New York. He jumped over the cement brick wall which lead right to the street, I followed gracefully cursing him out as I pushed a lady out of the way holding her baby. Which of course earned me my own curse out in Chinese. I kept chasing him over broken sidewalks graffiti covered walls most symbols of which gang controlled that turf.

Within minutes we were out of the gates of our high school Stadium and into the heart of Flushing even on Thanksgiving Flushing was alive bursting with street vendors all yelling out their products, trash littered the streets, kids played among the trash kicking soccer balls that were so worn out they should have been thrown out but their parents had little to no money to afford new ones so they made do with what they had. We ran past family owned stores that had been there for generation after generation, along with some newer ones owned by chains mixed in with the family owned ones. We ran past the religious volunteers who were trying to get people to join their churches or organizations, some wore green vests some wore robes of white all of them had some message about God like "Don't go to hell Join Jesus" or "Messiah sent to save you." Tourists lined the streets in hundreds some sitting under trees feeding babies or resting with their kids, some looking at maps. Many taking pictures Cars honked, Buses swerved, babies cried, dogs barked, I grabbed an orange as we raced past Mr. Chang's Shanghai's Market at Roosevelt Avenue even at Eleven my aim was dead on so when I jumped a few inches into the air to give me some extra height before hurling the Orange past a dozen or so individuals. I easily nailed Steven in the back of his head he spun around cursing me out losing his balance slightly crashing into a delivery kid on his bike earning us both several more angry words hurled at us. He didn't fall however he grabbed a pole to steady himself pushing himself off and kept going never losing speed.

Queens is a melting pot of so many cultures and languages, we have the Asian culture which was what we were in the heart of right now, than we also had Spanish Nationality Colombia, Ecuador, Dominican Republic, we have Europe, Middle Eastern. Over 157 different languages are spoken. Most of them cursing at us as we kept running past Palace street past our apartment buildings. My legs, my chest my head were all being put to the test. The mixture of snow and ice making running more difficult as I grew tired, dodging cars and people alike was starting to get harder as the mixture pelted my face making it hurt and raw.

The line of people thinned out as we raced under the bridge down the subway entrance where I slipped falling straight down the steps skinning my face, elbows and knees. Tears prickled behind my eyes but I sniffled them back and kept going cursing he was so dead when I found him!

Steven effortlessly jumped over the swirling gates of the Subway I slide under no attendant was on duty, no one bothered to stop us either. The platform was crowded thanks to the holiday rush which Steven took advantage of easily sliding into a bunch of people escaping my sight.

I took an educated guess as to which train he was going for and jumped on the 7 line if I was wrong I was going on a ride and he was getting more pain added to his already long sentence of pain. The 7th line would take us to a waterfront park in long need of repair but yet as fallen apart as it was it was still a favorite among local teenagers and kids.

Normally I would love riding the subway I would plug in my earphones and play my portable CD player, the longer the ride the better. Today not so much I was wet freezing it smelled horrible on this train a homeless man slept in his own urine passed out along the seats, several women who looked to be from some sort of Europe who didn't believe in shaving or bathing apparently stood chatting in French. I was sweating from being in such close proximity to them. My stomach was revolting and at any minute my bladder was going to burst. Steven better pray I never caught him.

When I exited the Subway I took off seeing his blond hair which was spiked sticking up he turned at the top of the steps sticking up his finger at me which gave me more motivation. This little shit was so dead when I caught him.

This area was low income project housing I could feel the difference in the air almost instantly the gang presence was high broken down burnt out buildings, girls standing on the corners in short skirts fur coverings on their shoulders too much makeup, heavy perfume. Rap battles and dance battles were on going on the sidewalks, as cars pulled up to talk to the girls, colors repped the territory controlled by which gang. Drug deals went down on every corner in parking lots, I heard gun shots as I chased Steven down the block into the entrance of the park. Music played loud all different styles, street performers filled the park along with little kids chasing dogs throwing balls and Frisbee's. Parents sat on benches talking sipping coffee.

" _Gottcha!"_

I leaped high jumping off a bench straight onto Steven's back scaring him so bad he lost his balance and fell into the wall overlooking the river.

" _Damn it Jaz your like a ninja!"_

" _No shit little shit ya should know not to mess with me son"_

He didn't go down lightly he leaped at me I dodged him effortlessly laughing pointing at him now he was chasing me I didn't make it easy for him sliding under benches going through young kids over mini bridges jumping over them running through different trails. Dogs barked as I laughed holding my finger at him now jumping over sleeping bodies, my feet crisscrossed as I changed directions suddenly to throw him off.

He was panting breathing uneasy now as I was feeling free feeling confident and slightly cocky as I passed a young women rapping in the middle of the trail I was on her beat made me smile. She had a unique style hardcore yet her words flowed speaking of love and romance, I stopped to listen to her.

 _ **A star will a rise straight from the streets of Queens**_

 _ **I ain't insecure I know my flow I know my role**_

 _ **I can be the baddest bitch in town or I can be the sweetest**_

 _ **Which side will you get depends on the level of respect**_

 _ **Truth is we all make mistakes**_

 _ **I promise you thou' loving me will be the best choice you can make**_

 _ **This ain't a curse this is just the truth**_

 _ **Take me I will love you with all my heart**_

 _ **Leave me I will haunt your regrets**_

" _Gottcha!"_ Steven jumped up from the bushes ambushing me tackling me to the ground where we pulled each others hair and arms. I kneed him in between his legs getting a few seconds head start but he was stronger than I remembered recovering quickly pinning me against the wall over looking Manhattan.

We were both exhausted as we paused for a few minutes to catch our breaths I turned around to look at the skyline. I heard her still going her words washing over me.

" _ **Memories won't be the death of me**_

 _ **I will carry on I will sparkle I will shine like the neon lights of the New York City Skyline**_

 _ **My heart beats on to it's own accord"**_

" _The skyline sure is breathtaking Steven"_

" _Yeah it's okay I know a view more beautiful"_

" _More magnificent than NYC yeah right Steve did that Orange damage ya'"_

I rubbed his head as his eyes stared through me making me uneasy before I could even open my mouth to ask him if he was okay his hands pushed me back against the wall his lips were upon mine. My hands moved to push him off me yet I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I didn't know how I felt about Steven he's been my best friend since forever, we've grown up together from diaper days to swing set days to grade school drama now to middle school. He came to my karate competitions, I cheered him on at boxing matches, he held up signs at my piano recitals, we contradicted our Halloween costumes. We fought over music, over who was the better Yankee's pitcher. I've never viewed him more than as a best friend a brother when did he start to crush on me? Why didn't he say anything?

The kiss wasn't anything amazing wet sloppy I felt violated in a way yet also warmed. Was that normal? Why was he looking at me so intently? How was I suppose to react? I didn't say anything just backed up turning to watch the city sparkle in all it's glory.

A chill tore through me why did he do that? Why did he have to go and change shit between us? Wasn't being friends good enough? Why rush growing up? My dad would kill me if he knew I had just kissed a boy, I was too young to even look at them think about them. I hadn't even had a crush yet.

I knew he wanted to say something but I hurried along the sidewalks it was getting later and colder, I pulled the hoodie over my head this part of town was too dangerous to be in now. He hurried after me I should stop talk to him, but I didn't know what to say tears prickled my eyes. I didn't want to hurt him, I just didn't know how I felt yet.

I was thinking so hard about what I was suppose to say to Steve without hurting him or ruining our friendship I never saw the massive body that suddenly blocked my path till I crashed right into it.

" _Who you repping little chica?" "_ _Bloods?"_

The question made me freeze on the ground I didn't need to know who this dude was to know I was in trouble. I found myself staring into his dark hazel eyes there was no love there, just anger. His stood 6'6 possibly around 139 Pounds. Dressed in dark blue baggy jeans, a blue Yankees shirt, his bandanna was dark blue, his face was covered in tattoos but it was his shoes blue and white Nike Cortez that sent the fear pumping through my blood.

Swallowing I felt Steven clasp my hands helping me up I clung to him both of us shaking, I knew enough to stay silent. I didn't need to know this dude's name although judging by the tattoo scowled across his neck I would say it was "Street Boz" I didn't need to know his age though I guessed late twenties, to know he was a member of one of the most feared gangs that controlled Queens. Ms-13.

" _Say something who you repping for?"_

 _No one we don't bang!"_ I shot Steven a look admitting no allegiance was worse than admitting allegiance to a rival. It meant we were punks, in an instant I felt the swoosh as he raised his gun pulled back on the clicker, my body felt frozen I knew I should run.

" _What a shame_ _ya little punks are gonna die for nothing"_

Hands pushed me hard as I heard the **Bang** of the gun going off, my face scrapped against the sidewalk screams filled the air as people panicked grabbing their kids rushing inside, no one tried to help us, my head was pounding vision blurred was I shot? Where was Steven? I didn't hear him. We were just kids damn it why did he go after us? We were just minding our own business, dreaming of our futures. Would either of us have any now?


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Alexandria Egypt**

 **Date: 11/5/17**

 **P O V: Jaz**

 _ **Boom Boom Boom**_

My heart was racing as I cleared the entrance of the second floor allowing Preach to enter the hallway after the bodies dropped. DIA had gone quite no longer giving us updates we were flying blinded something we didn't like.

 **Bang Bang Bang!**

I threw myself into an empty room as three Terrorists came leaping out at us from two doors down, Preach and I took cover as we aimed fire at them. The power of my riffle always sent a wave of shock through me but I held firm firing at them leaping out so I could get a better view, in seconds they were down.

" _Go Jaz Go"_

We checked each room clearing them quickly my heart never stopped racing as I entered each room not knowing if I was about to be blown sky high or shot by a million bullets.

" _Seconds floor cleared Tops where you at?"_

He didn't answer anger flooded me was he really going to leave us out here flapping in the breeze because he was pissed off or hurt by my rejection? Didn't he understand how much it hurt me? I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I couldn't it was simple as that.

 **Bang!** Bullets whizzed past my head as I entered one room two Terrorists held four kids hostage " _Backup Now!"_ I screamed out throwing myself behind a desk as they circled their eyes filled with hate, evil and laughter they loved that I was afraid. The kids were even more scared than I was one was crying tears streaking his checks as his legs trembled this kid couldn't be more than twelve, the same age Steven was when he was shot in his leg pushing me down. Anger pulsated through my whole body, who were these assholes to think that they had the right to control someone else life? One of them shouted to me in Arabic.

الموت لجميع العلماء الأمريكيين

(Death To All Americans)

I waited never taking my eyes of either guy control yourself Jaz don't shake don't show fear, smoke filled the air as the building was falling apart, I coughed trying to breathe I couldn't fire not when they held those kids so tightly there was no way for me to get a shot, I needed help where was everyone?

" _Tops I need backup second floor, 2003, hurry I got_ _four_ _hostages and two gunmen"_

Was something wrong with the airway? Why was no one answering me? Where was Preach? My head was pounding my stomach rising my throat tightening " _Jaz can you hear me?"_ Enlightenment relief filled my whole body as I heard Tops voice. _"Yes I can loud and clear, where are you?"_ **BOOM!** The blast of his M249 Light Machine Gun filled the room I jumped up when I got a good view one dropped as Dalton shoot him the other grabbed the boy as I advanced.

الموت لأولئك الذين يسيطرون مع الخوف

(Death who to those who control with fear)

I looked the poor excuse of a man in his eyes he didn't show any fear so I didn't back down I raised my gun the red glare aimed between his eyes **Bang.** I shot him in his head seconds before he could pull his trigger, the kids fell to their knees screaming shaking. Blood poured out in waves soaking them.

I didn't have time to stop and think about what I had done what had happened or how terrified these kids were, I grabbed two as Dalton grabbed the others. " _Cleared Tops"_ Preach called out as we rushed them to the hallway, " _McGuire we got_ _four_ _heading to the south stairwell"_

" _Heard Tops your clear"_

I kicked open the door with my foot seeing his face thank god, " _Go with him you'll be safe god's speed"_

As soon as they were in his arms racing down the steps we went back into the building, feet pounding as we cleared the remaining rooms. My shoulders ached back strained from the heaviness of the equipment. We kept going hearts pounding with fear and anxiety as we cleared three more floors there were more we knew it where though?

" _Jaz you okay?"_

" _Yeah I'm good you?"_

I wanted to say so much more I had the worst feeling inside right now we rush into danger all the time, I always feel the fear of the absurdity of what we do. Yet it's never made feel this nervous this sick. I couldn't though, I didn't know why I was feeling this way I kill people all the time. It's war they wouldn't hesitate to shoot me on sight so I couldn't regret what I did.

" _Tops Seventh Floor"_ Amir's voice called out _"Room 7332" "How many Amir?" "At Least seven hostages and ten guards"_

We stayed close covering each other I felt his hand on my shoulder which brought me comfort I tried so hard not to need it, to stay away yet I couldn't it was powerful comforting.

 **Kaboom**

The explosion sent us flying back as a spray of bullets meet us pain blinded me I grabbed my helmet feeling waves of blackness washing over me. " _Jaz"_ Dalton grabbed me forcing me up as the air was filled with debris and dust chemicals that could burn through our lungs. " _I'm fine"_ I sputtered coughing throwing my helmet down which was on fire. Stomping on it before picking it up grabbing it as he threw me behind a wall bullets firing rapidly at us.

" _Can you get a shot Jaz?"_ I laid down aiming my gun trying to see through the lens it was useless too much smoke too much fire, " _Not from here I have to move"_ I didn't wait for him to give the okay I heard his disapproval grunt as I moved further down the hall spotting two of them one holding a boy about 14. Maybe 15 I wasn't sure hard to tell with kids now a days, what I was sure of was this kid whoever he was. He was going to get to go home tonight he would get to hug his parents tell them he loved them.

Whoever he was he wasn't going to be another Steven or another N'aci, Marcus. This was the moment he would remember forever, in the quickness of a breath, I would fight for his life.

إسقاط الكلبة سلاحك ( Drop your weapon Bitch)

Bitch? Who the hell did this dude think he was talking to? No one called me bitch I opened fire as six more appeared all firing at me. My face felt like a three alarm blaze had broken out I could feel the burn of the bullets as they whizzed past me but I kept moving forward firing grabbing the kid as his legs gave out shoving him behind me.

Suddenly he fell cursing I grabbed him my eyes lowering for just a second trying to see where he was among the dust fire and bullets.

" _Jaz down!"_

Dalton's voice called to me as his hands pushed me down my face scrapped against the bricks, eyes blinded by the dust.

I heard his weapon drop as I felt him fall beside me my heart stopped as I felt my stomach rise. No No No he couldn't be hit!

I couldn't lose him!

" _Dalton answer me! Are you okay? Adam!"_


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Alexandria, Egypt**

 **Date: 11/5/17**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Tops can you hear me?"_

Why wasn't he answering me? How bad was he hurt? Slowly I crawled out from under the mounds of cement and bricks that had fallen on me. My breathing was labored at best head spinning leaning against a wall, I could feel my vision starting to fade.

" _Jaz"_ Patricia's voice called to me as my head span just as fast as my stomach rose, whatever this shit was that we were breathing in was starting to affect me badly.

" _Jaz are you there?"_

Answer her damn it my mouth felt dry I couldn't stop coughing every move I tried to make made me so short breath I couldn't even get myself into a full sitting position. Answering her seemed impossible my eyes closed as pain over took me. Where was I hurt? Had I been shot? Where the hell was Dalton the second I opened my eyes I felt the room spin again.

" _Jaz are you conscious? Answer me damn it you have three coming at you south hall thirty seconds out"_

Three what? What was she talking about? Who was she? Why was my memory failing me now? I knew that voice why was she talking to me? What was she trying to warn me about?

" _Ma'am I do not want to die I can not run I fear my leg is broken" W_ ho was this boy? Why was he calling to me like I could help him?

" _Sargent Khan can you hear me?"_ Sargent Wait shit that was me, rubbing my eyes I shock my head slowly everything came back into focus. " _Patricia I.. I can hear you, I'm a little confused"_

" _Jaz you took a hard hit to your head, Dalton has been shot he needs you that boy needs you take a second it's all you have breathe out, three men are coming at you South hall ten seconds out Hannah will help you out"_

I had no time to think feel or listen to my body which was aching so bad I pushed myself up dizziness threatened me as I fell on my face. Damn it what was wrong with me? Breathe Khan just breathe remember what your coach always said to you.

 **"** _Life is a like a boxing match you are going to have enemies throwing punches at you at every turn, learn to pick up your gloves and fight them back, never quit, till your the last one standing"_

Taking off my bullet proof vest I made quick work on putting it around the young boy who was shaking Dalton would of killed me for this. " _My name is Ammon my dad's name is Rames please tell him I am sorry" "Ammon my name is Jaz and I am not telling your dad anything because I am getting you out of here so you can tell him whatever your sorry for yourself, Now stay down be quite no matter what happens"_

 **Bang Bang Bang**

" _Jaz three men"_

" _I know Hannah, I see them"_

" _Execute Jaz now now"_

The bullets felt like fire grazing my skin as I moved forward " _Jaz their coming from every corner, three from the left, four from your right, behind you Jaz two from the ceiling"_

" _Preach! Amir! McGuire back Jaz up now!"_

" _Patricia I can't get up I'm on the third floor I have my own issues"_ I heard McGuire loud, clear despite the spinning of my head, ringing in my ears. " _I'm still up on the 7_ _th_ _floor Jaz I'm sorry"_ Great that meant Amir was out to. _"_ _Preach do you copy Jaz is surrounded she needs help"_

I didn't stop I just kept spinning and firing jumping onto a desk finding a vent quickly throwing my body into it, I could hear them shouting in Arabic confused, please let Ammon be hidden. " _Alright Jaz be quick three coming into the room in five, four,_ _ **Bang Bang Bang**_ _Never mind Jaz"_

" _Quick Enough for you Hannah?"_

" _Yea any quicker I would have whiplash four more"_

For the next five minutes I took them out when it was clear I jumped down carefully my leg was on fire I couldn't see it but I was starting to think I had been hit. The pain wasn't just straining or scratches it was exactly how I felt a few weeks ago when Nathan and I had been hit.

" _Stay low Jaz I see a heat shadow approaching form your left I can't tell who it is"_

" _Hannah where's Dalton? I can't see a damn thing the light have been blown out"_

" _Jaz stay on the ground Dalton is six feet to your right"_

" _Ammon crawl on to my back hurry"_

His added weight slowed me down considerably what it didn't do was stop me I crawled slowly over the broken glass which I felt cut my skin into a million tiny pieces bullet shells, bricks. " _Jaz he's straight ahead are you okay?" "Hannah we passed okay a long time ago, I'm alive I would like to keep it that way what now? I got Dalton"_

My fingers grasped his vest which was sticky with fresh blood my heart squeezed dear god, where was he bleeding from? My shoulders burned my head was spinning faster than my body could crawl.

" _Jaz there's one coming fast take cover"_

 **Bang!**

" _I got you girl now get your ass up stop crawling on the floor this ain't nursery school"_ I had never been so happy to hear Preach's voice. He held out his hand taking Ammon first allowing him to climb on his back. Before helping me to stand as I pulled Dalton up.

" _South Stairwell is cleared guys head there hurry"_

Preach lead the way as I carried Dalton his arms wrapped over my shoulders his weight was fully pressed against my body making walking almost impossible. Nothing was going to stop me though not after my last words to him.

" _Your not wroth it"_

How could I have ever said those things to him? I knew they would cut him, I wanted to hurt him, if I hurt him maybe he would stop fighting for me. I never wanted it to be like this though. Pain assaulted every muscle bone in my body. We reached the doorway, " _Jaz door I can't not with" "I got you Preach"_ I kicked the door which didn't budge so I kicked again, hearing a squeak but it still remained closed. Shifting Dalton so his hand was now off my right shoulder I threw the left side of my body against the door, hearing a sickening snap feeling the pain hit along with a gush of air which carried my scream of pain.

" _Door is open"_

" _Your cleared guys go now"_

" _Thank god this is all down hill you okay Jaz?"_

" _Yeah peachy"_

" _Where are you guys? I'm coming up the stairwell" "McGuire we're on floor five coming down hot"_

" _All cleared at three heading to four stay where you are"_

We could hear gunfire just below us so we waited Preach tried to help lift the weight off my now dangling shoulder, pain sent waves of blackness over my eyes. " _Girl you ain't looking so hot you need to sit down?"_

" _No I'm fine whoever said super hero's were hot never fought in a war before huh?"_

" _No that's the damn problem with Hollywood it's all capes and glittered logo's they never show what real hero's look like"_

Nausea rose as I closed my eyes breathe Jaz breathe you got this girl just remember what coach Latrell always said " _In order to be at the top you have to have something that motivates you"_ What motivated me in this moment as pain blinded me from all ends when my legs seemed ready to give out was the simple fact that Dalton risked his life for me. Even after I basically told him to go blank himself. Why though? Why didn't he kick me off the team? I was a coward not a hero, I hide behind my feelings. Why didn't I fight for him? The way A.J said I needed to? She was right he wouldn't put himself first he would put the team first the missions first even my needs never his.

My legs gave out sending me crashing into a wall painfully coughing hard I felt my throat lose the battle of contractions it had kept the bile behind my mouth up till now, gagging everything came out I tasted blood lots of it. Preach slammed his hand into my back before grabbing my right arm which was holding Dalton up.

" _No time for that girl we need to go McGuire what's the status?"_

Spitting up I pushed myself off the wall feeling dizzier suddenly light filled the stairwell " _Cleared come on down now"_

" _Took long enough McGuire"_

" _Sorry my fan club refused to die"_

" _Help me! I can't hold him up anymore!_ My body crashed through the level one door seconds after Preach exited McGuire grabbed Adam from me in the bright daylight sun I saw him clearly now blood was seeping from his upper right chest, his blond hair was messed up from his now fallen helmet, his face was ghostly pale. I felt Helpless watching as McGuire took him towards the van.

Would I ever get the chance to tell him how I felt? Would I ever learn to keep my damn mouth shut and go with my heart? Or would I be forced to sit back and watch as the man I was deeply and forever in love with left me again.

I hate being helpless and powerless especially when I had the power to change this and I was too damn chicken to take it.

So Many emotions ran through my head as my body gave out arms reached out grabbing me as everything started to go black again. Ever since the first day I laid eyes on Adam I knew I would do anything to be with him so why when was I given the chance did I freeze?

 **A/N: 19 Days Left till the Winter Premiere of The Brave and we get our Jaz back! Thanks to everyone who reviewed favored and followed. Thinking of doing another fic of 911, how it affected the whole team. Thoughts or feelings on it?**

 **Happy Holidays to everyone stay safe, healthy!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Fort Jackson, Columbia, South Carolina**

 **Date: 4/11/2008**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _No freaking way Khan!" No I do not accept it!"_

" _Well than you have a problem Dalton because it's a proven fact rap is a way better stimulate than Country music"_

" _No I will never accept that not without hard actual factual proof"_

" _You want proof dude ask our peers"_ I held out my hands towards our 250 comrades in our army boot camp who were either booing us or cheering us, the majority were cheering for me which made me grin, however Evan was not backing down.

I crossed my arms rolling my eyes enjoying playing with him _"I Challenge you Khan right here right now"_

What did this kid think he was challenging me to? Arching an eyebrow I motioned for him to keep going. _"_ _A_ _battle right now, I believe you city folks call them rap battles well you do your little lyrical rhyming thing and I'll do my country thing, the one with the biggest cheers wins"_

" _You realize a rap battle involves two rappers right? There ain't nothing about street and country that goes together"_

" _Aw what you scared Khan?"_

I pointed to myself looking around " _Did he just ask me if I was scared? I ain't scared of nuthin' Son"_ I stepped to him face to face eyes burying into his. " _We on in fact I am so confident in my ass whopping abilities, I'll even remain humble and let your ass go first so ride on up cowboy"_

Evan didn't back down even though his face was getting redder he grinned trying to unnerve me, I stood frozen eyes firm glaring. Hair back in two braids my army tank top showing off my muscles and biceps, my baggy army pants balled up to show my calf's. I knew some of the guys were checking me out but I didn't let it take my focus off Evan who started with a diss.

" _ **New York City ain't got nothing on my hometown U.S.A**_

 _ **I'm from where neighbors know your name, where honeysuckle grows at your bare feet**_

 _ **Catching fireflies to impress that little honey, is how us boys spent our childhood evenings**_

 _ **Hard work, Love, Kindness were just some lessons**_

 _ **My Small Hometown U.S.A taught me**_

 _ **Praising the lord wasn't just a Sunday thing"**_

There was a loud ruckus as rookies stomped their feet pumping their arms okay so I forgot we were down south there may be a slight chance Country was more popular out here. He didn't need a guitar either his voice carried a perfect rhythm, making it sound more of a country rap than a hillbilly song.

I closed my eyes feeling his flow as I got into my own beat he ended his second verse, he looked very cocky as he extended his hand to me like take the floor I just swept it for you. He thought I was scared oh that was cute. I jumped to him sending him stumbling back. Pushing my fingers against him like I had been scorched.

" _ **Q.U.E.E.N.S**_

 _ **Spell it out drop the S yeah that's what I am QUEEN,**_

 _ **That's where I am from Queens, ain't no country in me you can tell by the way I spin around**_

 _ **Your Lyrics like an Empire Emperor crushing it's little village**_ _**Reigning her terror**_

 _ **Buckle up country boy cause I'm about to take you for a ride a little tour of my city**_

 _ **NEW YORK CITY**_

 _ **Some people are born for the spotlight**_

 _ **City of neon lights will eat your ass up**_

 _ **If you don't have that killa vibe they call it the "IT" Factor I call it my hit factor**_

 _ **No one knows where I will spit no one will see me coming**_

 _ **No one knows how you get that factor they just don't understand you either have it or you'll get schooled by it**_

 _ **I'm gonna take it down now little boy and remind you of your ABC'S**_

 _ **Ain't No one got the flow to**_

 _ **Beat me**_

 _ **Check me out checking you out**_

 _ **Buh Bye Cowboy I got better things to do than school ya**_

 _ **Ya-hoo"**_

The whole base went crazy as I made the dropping the mic motion brushing off my shoulder his face was fire engine red now as the crowd jumped to us embracing me, lifting me up on their shoulders. Some were slapping me on my back or my butt screaming my name Queen Khan. I held my muscles out as he bowed his head while a few of the guys were shoving him laughing at him.

" _Yo Evan ya gonna give up like that? I thought I taught ya better?"_

We had only been at camp for two weeks so I didn't know Evan well. I had no idea he had a brother so when this dude stepped to him I figured he was just a senior officer. All I knew was this guy was taller than Evan 5'10 maybe around 135 pounds, pure muscles no facial hair his eyes were an amazing Cyan shade. A buzz cut typical Army style. He was dressed in army Cargo's but his jacket showed he had won many awards and titles. Everyone seemed impressed that this dude was here, honestly all I could think about was how hot he was.

I found myself on the ground now staring up at him as he threw his arm over Evan's Shoulders. Evan had yet to pick up his head. So I dug it in even more. " _Maybe he's just smart enough to know that when it's over it's over"_

Standing taller I approached this god who stood in front of me, " _Yo Evan ya gonna introduce a sister?"_ He remained motionless, standing rigid like he was afraid of being scolded.

" _Excuse my brother sometimes he forgets his country manners"_ His grin made my heart stop _"I'm Sargent Adam Dalton Evan's older brother, I'm sorry what part of the country did Evan tell ya were from?"_

" _He didn't yet I'm Jasmine "Jaz" Khan_

I extended my hand which he shock firmly damn even his handshake sent chills racing through me. Why? What was it about him that sent my heart racing, palms sweating, head spinning? I hadn't felt this way in so long I was starting to think it was impossible for me to feel anything except pain.

Adam brought my hand to his lips kissing my knuckles no guy had ever done that I couldn't stop staring at his gorgeous face.

" _Good because I was about to think I needed to take a geography class again last time I checked Washington D.C was no where near the country"_

" _Jaz would you like to grab a cup of coffee?"_

" _Sure I would love to"_

" _Awesome Evan go for a jog you need to wash that shame away dude you stink"_

Adam threw his arm across my shoulders as we walked to the canteen. " _I think will make awesome friends Jaz anyone that can get my brother that shock up is already awesome in my eyes"_

I couldn't help but think that I wanted to be more than just awesome in his eyes even then. " _So tell me how did you become this awesome Khan?" "We're you always this powerful?"_


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Queens New York, NY**

 **Date: 3/12/2001**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

Helpless

Unable to defend myself or act without help, that's how I spent my whole childhood so why should today be any different? I could never count on my parents or my brothers a single day in my miserable life.

I've always managed till today just once I wish I could talk to my mother. I wish she would hold me kiss me or just talk to me, even hold my hand just so I would feel like she gave a damn, even for a few minutes.

You think any mother even a bad one would give anything to hold her child's hand when they were dying. There I said it. I'm 12 years old and I am dying.

I have to be there's no reason a kid could bleed for eight hours straight and not be on their death's door. So this is how death feels cold, shaky god I am so cold I had four blankets on my shivering body. I was wearing a sweatsuit plus a long sleeved shirt under it.

Painful my head was pounding my stomach ached all day I had been throwing up even now when it had been three hours since I last threw up my stomach still hurt, my back ached all over my legs ached, they cramped badly. Like I had been dancing across every skyscraper NYC had.

I wanted to tell my mom so many things my mouth felt dry sticky making it impossible to yell, movement seemed so hard but I had to try there was no way she'd hear me not over my music, for sure not over how loud my mom and brother were yelling at each other.

Slowly I swung my legs over the side of my bed not easy when my whole body hurt what would I say to her? How should I say it? I needed to plan this out, she'd chew me up otherwise.

Why couldn't she understand that just because we were different didn't mean we couldn't see eye to eye? She was old school traditional, submissive, quite. I was louder opinionated, I was diverse. Still I needed her, I always would, I needed that reassurance that no matter what I did or said I would be loved. I needed to know I would have someone to talk to. Someone I could pour my heart out to tell all my fears, secrets, without fear of judgment or opinions.

Washing out my mouth I brushed my teeth as I did I made a mental list of what I would say to her just like I did in school when preparing a report.

#1 Mom I know when I was born so in a way were you, I know you have your dreams for me, your values, I just want you to know that even though we have different visions, I love you & I respect you. Mom your beautiful to me.

#2 Mom I know being a mom is the highest paid job because it's pure love. That doesn't stop people from judging stay at home moms but I know you work harder than most people who have two jobs because you do it from the heart.

#3 Thank you Mom for all you do for me.

#4 I'm sorry for any inconvenience for every disobedience's any hurt I have ever caused you.

After cleaning myself up again I felt a wave of dizziness the bleeding was getting worse, I could see how pale I was, my face held no color, my eyes were bloodshot.

Coming into the living room slowly limping I hung onto the wall for support I saw my mom standing close to my little brother who's ten, Adib stood unfazed arms crossed eyes locked in a dead stare while our mom was in his face yelling. Adib had on his usual attire baggy jeans, boxers, baggy shirt and bandanna. I was too dizzy to comprehend what she was screaming about until she ripped his shirt off and I saw his back which now had a tattoo of a flying dragon on it.

So it was official now my little brother had passed his intonation into The Flying dragons one of the most deadliest street gangs in Queens. She was screaming while he stood glaring not hearing a word I should back up go back into my room and die peacefully forget this idea of talking to my mom. Nope I was never one to keep quite.

" _Mom I need to talk to you"_

" _What is your problem Jasmine? Can't you hear? I am talking to your brother I don't need to talk to you nor do I want to talk to you, go back to your room and it better be clean!"_

She grabbed my hand so hard I screamed in pain as she twisted it shoving me out of the living room, I lost my balance and fell flat on my face which just made her scream more.

" _Clumsy and stupid why couldn't I be blessed with normal children? Ones I could be proud of not ashamed of!" Why God what did I do wrong?"_

I pushed myself up rushing to my room tears clogging my chest slamming my door I locked it as I slide down hyperventilating. When would I ever find a home? Where would I find love? Acceptance support? Closing my eyes I let myself fall asleep, when I woke up it was darker. I felt sticker stiffer and dizzier.

Why did I feel so alone? So helpless? It's pretty messed up that a kid has to go through life like this. My heart was racing, was this death coming for me? Closing my eyes I was only out for a few minutes before my ringtone blared out.

 _ **This is the life**_

 _ **Everyone has to be somewhere**_

 _ **I am here**_

 _ **Testing a dream**_

 _ **The pressure of dreams is a killer**_

 _ **And it only gets harder"**_

Grabbing my cell took every last of my strength my vision was blurry with sleep and pain. Stephen was texting me.

" _ **Yo Jaz R U AAK" ( Are you Alive and kicking?)**_

What should I say sorry I've been busy dying all day, or just tell him I am fine and let him hear about my death tomorrow like everyone else.

" _ **ADL Boy" (All day Long)**_ I sent back seconds later he replied **"W2M? WAYN?" (Want to meet up? Where are you now?)**

" **Home U Stephen?"**

" **Same come over Jaz"**

Standing my legs ached But I pushed myself up going to the window pulling the window open just as he came to his. Our buildings are so close we jump into each other's rooms all the time. Today the jump nearly killed me but he caught me his arms wrapped around my waist. I lid my head on his chest my body shaking.

" _What's wrong Jaz?"_

" _Stephen I'm hemorrhaging"_

" _What?"_

" _How you were fine after we… I mean you said you were last night did you lie?"_

Memories of last night instantly filed my brain as I closed my eyes feeling him stiffen.Last night we had been studying on his bed when he started kissing me I let him crawl on top of me wrapping my arms around his back as his fingers slide up my skirt and entered my private area I bit my lip from the pain, it hurt so bad but he promised me I would enjoy it.

" _I was fine last night Stephen besides the pain, I didn't start to bleed until this morning"_

" _So it's not from?"_ He lifted my chin up with his fingers staring into my eyes which were leaking tears which he gently kissed away. I shock my head sinking into his arms. I could feel how scared he was to, he didn't want to get into trouble.

" _I'm really scared Steve I don't know what to do or who to talk to"_

" _You need to be checked out Jaz"_

" _What no way!" My parents will flip out"_

" _This is serious Jaz"_

" _I know I'm the one bleeding"_

He pulled away leaving me cold and scared as he raced out of the room, going over to his bed I pulled his fleece blanket over myself smelling his scent which helped ease me. He can't tell his parents his mom would call mine I would never be ungrounded.

" _Jaz"_ I heard my name called lightly seeing Stephen's older sister Holly Jade standing over me she's sixteen three years older than Steve. My face flushed as I sat up she sat down next to me.

" _Take a hike little bro this is girls stuff"_

" _Ew"_

My face got redder as I pulled my hoodie up over my head I felt Holly touch my knee I always admired Holly she's beautiful, smart, super funny and talented, she's bold and unique. She marches to her own beat.

" _Steve told me everything"_

Everything? Dear god what kind of a slut did she think I am now? Hanging my head in shame I felt a few tears slide out. She brushed them away. When I looked up I saw she wasn't mad she was smiling a little amused.

" _I'm sorry Holly I know we're too young I know we shouldn't have_

 _I just I love him and he really wanted to"_

" _Jaz we will be having a serious talk about this after wards"_

" _I don't want to die Holly"_

She laughed lightly I should be mad it wasn't funny I was in pain I was scared just because I am young doesn't make my pain any less serious than someone older.

" _Your not dying babe your not even bleeding from what you did last night"_

" _Than why am I?"_

" _Babe your a women now you got your period"_

" _What?"_ She stroked my hair laughing " _It happens to all of us at some point come here"_

I followed her to the bathroom where my embarrassment kept rising as she showed me how to use a tampon and pad. How to keep track of my dates, than I got the talk and a handful of condoms with a be smart comment before she gave me aspirin and made me lie down.

Laying in Steve's arms that night I couldn't help but feel my whole life was changing, I couldn't stop it I was powerless helpless to stop my body from changing, my hormones from raging from the world from stopping to turn.

I knew even then I didn't do helpless or powerless well.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/8/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Jaz can you hear me?"_

" _Jaz open those gorgeous eyes, come on girl you can do this open them and tell me to go off myself"_

Pain hit my temples as I felt my eyes slowly start to crack open. Who was calling to me? Why couldn't they let me sleep? " _N..o"_ I felt wetness on my forehead I could hear voices but I couldn't identify them, who were they talking to? Who were the talking about? My head hurt so bad just let me sleep.

" _Mild concussion"_

" _Fever 102.2 infection in her leg"_

" _She should of woken up by now"_

Who were they talking about? I had my period that's all just give me an aspirin let me sleep, Holy said I would be fine, so who had an infection? Was it N'aci? No she was fine right? We were just hanging out. We were suppose to get together tonight that's why I needed sleep.

 **Location: Queens, New York, NY**

 **Date: 3/14/2001**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _ **Treasure these days**_

 _ **Damn they are going by quick**_

 _ **Just yesterday it was me and mine hanging out by the playground swings**_

 _ **Dreaming of fresh baked choc chip cookies, playing with Barbie dolls**_

 _ **Now we're 12 years old and piece by piece we are growing up**_

 _ **Learning more each and every day we fall we rise we are entering a whole new world**_

 _ **Don't my parents understand?**_

 _ **I ain't tryin' to be mean**_

 _ **I'm just going throu' growin' pains**_

 _ **Someday I will be free of these adolescent hormonal days**_

 _ **Someday I'll show em' all my gratitude when I'm ridin' high in dat Gucci life**_

 _ **Accepting my Billboard they will be my first Thank you's**_

 _ **Thank you for giving me life**_

 _ **Thank you for believing in me**_

 _ **Life is scary it's a twist it's a turn**_

 _ **One minute we're here we're lovin'**_

 _ **The next minute isn't guaranteed**_

 _ **Nothin' we can do nothin we can say so live it up**_

 _ **Dream of tomorrow, Learn from yesterday**_

 _ **Live for today"**_

" _Damn N'aci! That was hot!"_

" _Thank you Thank you!"_ Twelve year old N'aci James bowed as we clapped our hearts out there were seven of us in total. N'aci & myself sitting on top of the cement wall surrendering the steps of our apartment buildings. Stephen 13, Holly were on theirs next to me, Than there was Jordan Jackson 14 aka JJ, Finally Lil' Loco real name Marcus Simpson 12 we were all shouting as we passed a joint. The day was beautiful the sun making us warmed as we sat in tank tops and shorts.

I squealed " _Girl ya gotta take that talent pro"_ She laughed as she hugged me bumping fists.

" _Yo teach Jaz how to do that"_

I turned to give a finger to JJ " _She needs help with her flow she's whacked"_

N'aci laughed slapping her arm over my back " _Man please you just jealous cuz she beat your ass in last night's battle, my girl has got her flow down ya the one that needs to get dat lazy ass up and practice son or stop your bitching"_

" _Come on Jaz let's show this little bitch how it's done"_

N'aci slapped my hand as JJ got up motioning for Lil Loco who shock his head as a crowd of teens, kids gathered there must have been more than ten. All shouting whistling I felt my face color a little as Stephen chanted my name " _Queen Jaz_!"

" _Jaz since we know we gonna cream them let the big dogs go first us little pups are humble enough to show respect"_

I followed her lead standing next to her arms crossed as they laughed stepping to us I could read their minds this is too easy battling girls.

" _Little hoe's step on back cuz we about to suff ya like the little pigs ya' are_

 _Coughing out these lyrics sending ya straight to your coffins_

 _Friendly ain't trendy, be a gentleman, nah not to these little hoe's, show me a real women than we can talk_

 _Little girls playing Barbies tryin' to be grown bitch please my penis grown more than ya"_

All the boys started to cover their mouths gasping as Lil Loco stepped to me now I felt my anger rising, N'aci kept her eyes focused face neutral. I knew Stephen was not happy that this dude thought he could step to me but I held it down following N'aci's stature.

" _Yes bitch I will murder ya I don't care if you ain't old enough to spell your own name_

 _Let me help ya out D.E.A.D_

 _Queen of what Barbie's please go back home I don't wanna sound mad but I cam to steal that crown_

 _Oh wait your a crown-less Queen so how the fuck you a queen oh yeah right your not_

 _Maybe it's just those voices in your head, can you hear them now shouting run run run"_

" _Lil' Loco out pass the mic JJ take the spot"_

" _That wasn't right my man didn't mama ever teach ya manners?_

 _Oh wait no she was busy going down on me, ops_

 _Okay let me lay it down little ladies_

 _Who you know that's fresher than bread?_

 _Everyone knows New York City is where it's at_

 _Everyone can hear the beats are sharper, lights brighter_

 _I'm riding high on those neon lights, I bark louder I bite harder_

 _JJ everyone is gonna be calling my name, JJ from Queens_

 _I'm so fresh them gangsta's are looking to pop my face cause they know I bring their game shame_

 _I don't take pleasure in bringing down little bitches but bitch if you step to my game than be prepared_

 _I spit out lyrics faster than ya can keep them words straight, ya just a little girl caught up in a city of dreams_

 _Well let me spell it out to you New York city is pretty but this city is full of shame, secrets you aren't old enough to get, NYC will take your dreams leave you disgraced, and flat on your face. I'm trying to protect you puppies so ya can grow up to learn and take us big dogs down so step back and let the masters show ya how it's done"_

I looked at N'aci who just rolled her eyes extending the floor to me. Deep breath Jaz you can do this stepping to Lil Loco I took him on first.

" _You act tough but I was there when you were cryin' on the floor sucking your thumb_

 _I remember your tears when daddy beat mommy,_

 _oh you were five that's the lie I hear in the air whispering to all your friends_

 _Really cuz it was just last night. So what's your excuse now son?_

 _Powerless to stop him helpless when she cried now your standing there open mouthed_

 _a gasped because I spilled your secrets, see I listen when people talk_

 _My girl sees talent in me something I never had anyone ever tell me_

 _So I believe in myself damn you damn your comments and your thoughts son you ain't nothing to me_

 _You should be use to that because your nothin' at home daddy don't listen when you say stop_

 _mama ain't given a damn bout protecting her little so, too busy having her fun spreading her legs_

 _So you come out here act all tough bark louder thinking we will be bow to your feet kiss your toes_

 _Fuck you fuck your belief's your D.E.A.D_

 _just shot your down pass the mic N'aci"_

" _I'll take that Mic I'll show you the twists the turns I can take_

 _See I may be little but that just means I can sneak through every crack_

 _Like a ninja I will tear ya in two before you even know I am near_

 _David beat Goliath against all odds defender of god's people_

 _I'm the defender of me myself and I and I am here to kick your lyrical ass_

 _You underestimate me because I am a little pup you call me bitch you call me hoe_

 _You forgot you came from a bigger hoe, ya know her as the bitch you call mom_

 _Now I am here to kill her little king and I know it's little cause I saw it last night with my microscope_

 _Thanks for the lesson in human biology it gave me too great lines for my essay_

 _The End_

 _I'm not trying to grow up faster than my age I know I learn each day so I take it I embrace it_

 _Slam it in your face because one day this pup will grow up, where will you be oh wait begging at my feet"_

There was a mixture of applause with a hint of shock and undecided fate our eyes were locked with each other. As the judge of this battle seventeen year old Geocache Reign stepped up he works as an intern at a local record company. _"There's no denying ya'll talented for real girl N'aci ya need to take this and get out of this ghetto ya got some real talent"_

" _I know I know that's why I auditioned for LaGuardia High School"_

" _Wait what?"_ We all shouted as she bowed we attacked her hugging her. " _Did you make it?"_

" _Girl you know I…_

 **BANG**

Gunfire filled the air as everyone screamed jumping into all different directions I landed on my right arm hard my breathing was labored, vision blurry at best. It was better that way I didn't need to see who was shooting or who was shooting back as I heard return gunfire.

I just prayed it would pass quickly and no one I cared about would end up as a casualty.

Tires squealed they were gone, I was safe in slight pain but alive, I lived to see another hour of today. Thank god! Why was my body so heavy? Where was that stickiness coming from? Had I bleed through my pad? God could everyone see it?

Screams filled the air as I opened my eyes to see N'aci's Mama Kelly screaming falling to her knees in front of me. I was fine couldn't she that? Whoosh the heaviness was lifted off my body as I opened my eyes.

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/8/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _No…._

" _Jaz wake up it's okay your safe"_

My fist shot up before my body screaming heart racing stomach lunching forward where was I? McGuire caught my fist as he placed his hand on my shoulder. " _Breathe Jaz breathe"_ He exhaled as if to show me why was it so hard to breathe? What had happened to me? I felt Preach stroke my back as I threw up into a bucket wait why was his hand under my shirt?

Looking down I saw I had no shirt on just a sports bra great " _Jaz" McGuire_ held out cup for me to drink out of so could rinse. _"I need you to lay back so you can rest your blood pressure is too high"_ My head was still pounding but I looked around feeling my breathing ease, I was in my Quarters back at our camp base how and when did I get here? Dear god who changed me? I didn't even want to think about it. Closing my eyes I was suddenly bolted with memories of the school and Adam.

" _Where's Dalton?"_

" _Shh he's in his room he's fine well he's recovering"_

" _Which is it?"_

" _Easy Jaz"_

" _Don't tell me to take it easy how is he?"_

" _The bullet just missed his chest plate, it went through his upper right side of his chest didn't hit anything major, he's awake, he'll need some time but he will be fine"_

" _We think the bullet went through his chest and into your leg you have an infection which almost caused us to lose you, your fever broke this morning you've been pretty sick, but you'll be fine if you rest and do what I say"_

" _McGuire reset your shoulder it was dislocated"_

" _Thank god I was out of it for that one"_

" _I have you on Morphine but use it cautiously Jaz this shit is powerful"_

" _The mission guys?"_

" _Successful every kid made it out safe and is reunited with their families"_

" _Can I have a shirt now?"_

" _Not yet I kind of like the view"_

I swung at Preach who laughed helping me to sit up and slowly get my shirt on my whole body hurt my eyes felt heavy the drugs must be taking effect again.

" _Sick dude she's young enough to be your grand-kid grand-pop"_

" _Whoa McGuire what did you just call me?"_

He jumped up chasing McGuire out of the room as I pulled the covers closer to my chest wondering if Adam was really okay. Or if they were lying to me. I wanted to see him so badly my eyes however kept closing as I yawned. I could see his gorgeous face in my vision as I fell asleep.

I heard his laugh as I felt my lips form a smile damn those drugs must be amazing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/9/2017**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

I heard the door open slowly I swear if that was McGuire coming in to suggest another sponge bath I would kill him. Maybe if I pretended to be asleep he would go away. The footsteps came closer the scent of Jasmine filled my nostrils. Last time I checked McGuire didn't wear Jasmine.

" _Dalton"_ Her voice was like a melody to my ear I felt her fingers gently run through my hair as I heard the hiss of "ow" escape her beautifully curved lips, god I wanted to kiss them. Where was she hurting? Could I kiss it make her pain go away? Hell I would kiss it even if it didn't make the pain go away.

" _I'm so sorry Adam I know I messed up again, I don't know why I am so stubborn"_

" _I don't know how I became so serious, I use to know how to have fun"_

" _Sometimes I feel like I have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders, I put so much pressure on myself ever since N'aci was killed"_

" _Losing my best friend at such a young age"_ I didn't dare to look up I knew she was closing her eyes though probably reliving that awful day. Blaming herself for not grabbing her best friend.

She was only 12 what was she suppose to do? I felt her hand stiffen in my hair god I wanted to hold her kiss her hand, her lips, kiss her pain gone. I couldn't move though she needed to talk she needed to get these things out if she knew I was awake she'd shut down.

" _I feel like I am fighting a losing battle like the minute I allow myself to be happy,_ _I'll shatter someone else dreams, so many young girls look up to me, when I got out of Queens they told me I was their hero they wanted to be just like me"_

I felt her body shake wetness hit my bare chest was she crying? I've hardly ever seen her breakdown god she must be in so much pain so confused. Why was it a crime for her to be happy? Why did everyone have to shame women for choosing to be happy and successful why couldn't they be both without being labeled?

" _I can't breathe Adam I want to be with you, I know I don't deserve you._

 _You deserve someone who isn't afraid who is a real hero not a pretend hero"_

She was breathing too fast I felt it in the shakiness of her hands which were now stroking my chest.

" _I don't know how I got to to be this girl Adam one who can't even listen to her heart_

 _I wish things were simple but they never have been even as a kid"_

" _Well maybe when I was three or four I remember playing Barbies in my room with Holly and N'aci. We would pretend we were famous singers, we laughed we danced we made up all these silly songs and moves"_

" _God childhood seems so far away I feel so old so cold"_ Her hand slipped into mine I wanted to squeeze it but she would know I was awake. I felt her lay down next to me damn her body was shivering, I was thankful she pulled the covers up herself, she buried herself close as possible to me which took time she seemed to be in agony.

" _Did I dream too big? Aim too high? Maybe that castle in the cloud was never meant to be my home._

 _I had a dream last night we were married living in our own world you were my king I was your queen, sounds amazing well I guess my dreams were never meant to be reality, they say everything is temporary maybe my happiness is only allowed in my dreams"_

" _That night when we made love Adam it was real to me_ I heard her sniffle _it was so real to me, it almost felt like a dream, I wish it was because than I could feel your arms around me every night, every day"_ I felt her arms encircle my body damn she had no idea what she was doing to me.

" _I could hear you whisper Welcome Home Jaz"_

" _I love you to Adam I always have"_

Wait she heard me that night? Shit she was awake? Damn she was as good as an actress as I was an actor in this moment.

" _Maybe time isn't on our side_

 _Maybe the universe is laughing at me, your older my captain it's against every rule it's unethical but dear god I want this to work, if you would be patient with me, if you would understand how much I have to lose, how scared I am, I've never been in this position before you make my heart beat with a different kind of rhythm. Damn it I'm getting your chest all wet"_

The warmth of her breath was gone I felt the bed creak as she sat up leaving me cold now shivering aching for her touch. I wanted her body next to me again maybe it was time to come clean.

" _The only other person who ever tried to wake the inner beat in me is gone forever. I guess I shut down after Stephen died, she's there somewhere I know she is, I just can't find her, I had her for a minutes, the night we made love. You saw her in my eyes, now I feel so alone"_

" _Your not alone Jaz"_

She jumped slightly as I reached out to steady her,

" _That girl is alive, she's broken but in some ways she's stronger then before when bones break when hearts shatter, they mend, they come out wiser, sometimes guarded but stronger, your the women who I trust with my life with my teams life, for two years now and before that._ I reached out to touch her face whipping away her tears kissing her gorgeous face slowly all over.

" _I trusted you with my brother's life you were his commanding officer"_

I pulled her down into my arms into my bed next to my body wrapping my arms around her shivering frame. " _I trust you with my heart Jaz" "What if I break it?" "Than I'll pick up the pieces wish you well and kick your ass off this team"_

She gasped shocked " _Oh your nasty Dalton"_

" _Cry me a river so I could sail over it"_

She hit me once I gasped forgetting how hard she hits I stopped her second attempt afraid she'd hit my wound by mistake. Pulling her closer I rested my hand on my cute firm butt.

" _Come here Jasmine"_

" _Uh never call me that again"_

She crawled closer her legs now entangled with mine she was lying fully on top of my body my hand stroked her hair which was a mass of curls she hadn't combed it in days, I could feel her exhaustion as her body sagged against mine. she's carried this weight for so long I would make it my mission to make sure she would never have to wonder her own wroth or her own wroth of love.

I felt her eyelashes flutter she was fighting off sleep " _Jaz look up to me"_ She did moving up the bed so she was sitting next to me now cuddled closer.

" _I want to start every sunrise and end every sunset with you by my side, I want to shout from the roof top how much I love you Jasmine Jaz Khan"_

She smiled god she has a beautiful smile.

" _We can't Adam"_

" _No baby girl we can't we have to be smart we have to be mature, we have serious jobs ones we both love. However we can separate work form pleasure, it won't be easy but we can do this. We can't let the team know I don't want them to have to lie for us"_

Trailing kisses down her left check over her eyelids forehead arms and slowly moving to her chest.

" _This I promise you Jaz you'll never want for anything, you'll never be alone again as long as you trust in the love I have for you the belief I have in us"_

" _I will stand beside you as we chase each dream share every smile together, cry every tear, laugh and breathe the same breaths, I want to feel the rain I want to feel the sun holding your hand. I want what you want I don't want you to regret anything, every choice we make shapes us good or bad, it molds us, regrets are a waste, I want you to put your trust in me in god, I know his grace is here, I want to travel the world with you, hold you under every continent kiss you under every sunset and sunrise"_

" _Sounds perfect Sugar"_

" _Sugar?"_

" _Well you are southern aren't you?"_

I slapped her cute butt laughing " _About those kisses?" "Yes baby?" "Can we start now?"_

She picked her head up her beautiful eyes staring into mine slow with a hint of pain she lifted off her shirt I saw every scrape every cut she had earned inside that building. Every one made me cringe because I knew they had to sting so bad.

" _Mind if I kiss each one?"_

" _No I don't"_ She pushed my hands above my head pain tore through my body bad move Dalton I let a curse word slip out.

" _Maybe we should take it slow_ _we're both in rough shape"_

" _You don't mind?"_

" _No baby I want us both healed sobered and drug free when we make love again"_

" _Sounds perfect"_

I held her close feeling her chest ease as sleep started to take over.

" _Jaz you know you are a real hero you saved me you pulled me out of that building down six flights by your self, you saved those kids"_

" _Adam I want to fall asleep in your arms so shut-up before I bite that little wound"_

" _Little? That shit tore my chest open"_

" _Dalton it's Patricia are you awake?" I know you are I hear you talking to yourself"_

" _Shit"_ Jaz cursed struggling to sit up and grab her shirt. I helped her to dress as she leaned back and stole another kiss before heading to the window. _"I feel like a teenager again hiding from our parents"_

" _Oh so you've done this sneaking around before?"_

Her eyes lowered themselves as her face filled with color as Patricia knocked again Jaz slipped out the window just like a Ninja.

God I love this women!


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/9/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

I made it back to my quarters after going for a jog which was not easy but I needed to start getting back into shape. This whole sneaking around was hysterical to me it reminded me of my youth, when Stephen and I first started dating. We would have to lie to our parents, we would sneak out of our apartment buildings. Sometimes his sister helped cover for us, sometimes she and her friends even let us tag along with them just so we didn't have to lie.

We went everywhere in New York City and sometimes beyond central park, Rockefeller, Radio city Music Hall, Broadway Shows, Rap battles, Dance battles, Raves, Concerts, Holly even took us out of state a few times, sometimes we drank sometimes we danced, we always laughed kissed cuddled, dreamed and planned for our life after school.

God if we had ever been caught we both would have been so dead. I had so much practice if Adam only knew why I was like a ninja he would be very afraid.

" _Sargent Khan"_

There she was I knew she'd be coming I had just gotten out of the shower as Patricia knocked on my door so I wrapped a towel around my body before answering. She blushed as she came inside my exhaustion was hotting me as I tried to stifle a yawn. I knew her and Hannah were here to help the team out while Adam and I recovered, why was she here in my room however I didn't know.

" _You know Jaz this isn't a video game you don't just get shot every time and come back the next scene fine, This is real life Jaz, one day your luck will run out, you can't keep dodging bullets"_

" _That is kind of my job Director Campbell"_

" _No Sargent Khan your job is to not get your ass shoot so far you've been shot three times in less than two months"_

" _I warned you about getting involved with him"_

Cue the drums oh summing the guitar both inside my chest like thunder I think it's suppose to be my heart, my mouth has gone dry, Eyes slightly blurry now.

" _What are you talking about Adam? I mean Captain Dalton? We're teammates, friends that's all"_

" _I want to believe you Jasmine"_ Really my full name? I felt like I was getting drilled by my mom now.

" _I can't though because I saw the footage Dalton took a bullet for you"_

" _We're teammates Director Campbell he's my captain"_

" _Yes and I saw the look in his eyes when he saw that man aiming at you just like I saw the look of panic in your eyes when you saw how bad he was bleeding"_

" _I'm watching you both even more closely now, if I see anything that hints that you two are becoming more than friends, he's being transferred, your career will be over"_

" _Got it Sargent?"_ Fear made my heart pound even harder as she held up my bra which I slipped on under my towel. I wanted to be mad at her as I slipped on my underwear I mean who was she to come in here watch me while I changed, threaten me?

I couldn't be mad though because when I looked in her eyes I didn't see hate or malicious or even a surge of power. She held open the covers for me sleep made my body hit the bed harder than I wanted to show her. I didn't feel coldness from her hands which tucked me in, or even embarrassment of being twenty-six and being tucked in by my boss.

I felt warmth I felt protectiveness of a mother who had lost her only son to this dreadful war.

" _Jaz I want you all to come home safe after each mission, falling in love with a teammate on active duty it only leads to tragedy, one of you gets distracted one of you takes a bullet or gets kidnapped, one of you never comes home again"_

" _I'm your boss it's my job to make sure that never happens"_

She leaned down and kissed my forehead it should feel strange, it felt nice instead. She smoothed my hair something Stephen's mom use to do to me as a little kid when she babysat me. Her eyes were filled with tears was she remembering her little boy? How he smelled after his bath. How his eyes questioned her every answer. Was she remembering his little laugh which brought music to her ears. I could see him now in her eyes that little blond haired blue eyed boy in diapers running around her tiny apartment holding his G.I Joe action figure as he ran circles around his mom's legs, Patricia was cooking dinner while on her cell phone, I could see him at eight years old dressed up for Halloween except unlike his friends who were going as super hero's batman, Spiderman, Captain America he was dressed as his hero An American Soldier because he didn't have a dad to look up to. His hero was his mom who worked long hours to provide for him while serving this country.

I could see him saluting at eight, I could hear his voice cracking as he yelled out his Hi-Yah's in his Karate class he was 12 the youngest in his class to compete for a black belt. I could see him as he was just a few months ago a man in his late twenties. Saluting as he turned to find his mom seconds before he boarded his final plane of his last deployment three months ago we were all there to see him off. He was only Twenty-Six when he died the same age I am now.

I felt her squeeze my hand who was I to stop her? I felt her pain as only someone who's lost their whole world could ever understand. She was shaking was she remembering that moment when she got that call? The one every parent of every soldier, police officer, fireman or women, paramedic dreads.

Everyone was surprised when she came back only ten days after her son's death. Most whispered "how could she be here? Doesn't she care her only son died? Didn't she mourn?

No one understood

I did

Grief it hits you in stages it's not always the dramatic theater version of falling to your knees screaming out at the heavens as you hold up your arms yelling "Why God Why? How could you?

No it's the small things

It's learning to accept the silence it's knowing that when you check your cell phone you won't see his text messages, or his wise cracks, you won't see any "I Love you's" it's learning to find ways to pass the time that don't involve endless talks of the future cuddles in bed while you listen for the sound of approaching parents.

It's stopping clocks because if you stop time for even a few moments you can stop yourself from growing up without him from turning 15, 16 or 17 ages he will never get to turn.

You learn not to break down when he pass his window, his locker at school, you learn to take coffee black because the bitterness stops the lump in your throat from closing from allowing the tears to come out. It's learning to focus on the target your drive becomes your anger your guilt your fear that you didn't do enough to stop him, your pain becomes that drive. It's how you got so good at shooting it's your only way of releasing this overwhelming pain that threatened to take you down for five years.

You learn to laugh again, you learn to smile you perfect that line that little white lie "I'm Fine" you learn not to count the days because days turn into weeks months which head into years. Years he will never get. You learn to accept heartbreak guilt you learn to stand on tired feet, think when your brain is clouded by last nights buzz, you get use to this feeling of death, than you get up you restart your day because your alive. You get to see another day well it doesn't get better but you get stronger, you learn to breathe without that crushing pain, you find new friends, they never replace him, but they find their own way into your heart.

You still see him his smile fills your mind as you start to fall asleep, you hear his laugh, you feel his arms wrapped around you it's different now, it's a distant memory a feeling of nostalgia. It's painful but at some point you don't recall when it happened it just did it stops being all consuming. You've learned to live without him but you never forget him.

I let her hold me longer than what is probably normal but we're not just colleagues we're family. I feel myself understanding why she's being this way a little clearer now, it's the first time I am seeing this through her eyes. She's trying to protect us for every life she's tried to reach for everyone she couldn't save, including her only son.

She doesn't want that guilt to over come us if something would to happen to one of us. I know that guilt I feel it everyday. Yet I can't abide by it this time I won't let fear or guilt stop me.

I love him

I would die for him I don't want to die but if living means living without him. I can't I won't not again.

I feel her kiss my head as I settle down my eyes closing I can still smell him on my arms which I tuck under my pillow as I lay on my side, not putting pressure on the back of my other leg which is still sore from the bullet. I feel sleep taking me into it's wings I see Adam's smiling face, I hear laughter I feel myself smiling.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/10/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _I love sunsets their so magical"_ I'm sure my words shock Dalton by the look on his face we're lying on a blanket on the beach our team was called away early this morning.

" _I never took you as a sunset type of girl"_

" _We all have secrets Dalton so now that you know one of mine let's hear one of yours"_

I'm curled up next to him against his chest he's shirtless which I am not complaining about the waves were crashing just a few feet away from our feet. He seems to think about this question.

" _It's a fair question Dalton"_

He still remains quite I wonder if I am asking too much he's a private guy, Did Patricia say something to him last night? " _Adam"_ I touch his face he's staring out at the ocean he seems gone. Is he in pain? I touch his gauze kissing around it gently he shivers I love that I make him shiver.

" _I'm sorry Adam I won't ask again"_

I shift away from his body feeling tears well up it was too good to be true we're not meant to be together. I watch the kids playing around a hundred feet away fathers kicking the ball with their sons, daughters. We're hiding away behind a wall of rocks so no one can see us but I can see them. Sea Gulls fly high above the sea squealing are they laughing at me? Damn Birds give me my gun so I can shoot them.

The sunlight is fading fast now I watch it as it dips and sways behind the rolling waves and fast moving clouds. I'm thinking about how as a kid I never got to see these sunsets and sunrises unless we laid on the roof of our buildings and even than the glow of the city lights took away some of the magic.

Stephen and I would lay awake staring planning our road trip to California when we were both done with High School. We'd go to a beach and toast our new life as Adults. I miss him I brush away a tear it wasn't fair I was thinking about him when I was here with Adam, yet Adam wasn't being fair to me all I did was ask a simple question. Stephen never held back from me than again we knew everything about each other or I thought I did.

I feel a whisper but I don't hear the words is it him? Is he here with me now? Is he proud? Is he mad jealous? Arms startle me looking over I see Adam's smiling face as he brushes a stray hair off my face and wipes my tears away kissing under my eyes.

" _You never have to apologize Jaz all you did was ask a question you deserve an answer"_

He pulls me closer kissing my forehead which quickly turns more passionate he pins me down on the blanket " _I just wasn't sure what to tell you" "It doesn't have to be personal Adam just a little tidbit for me to nibble on when I am alone in bed missing you"_

" _You sound like a dog Jaz however I am liking that part of you lying in bed thinking of me naked"_

" _Hey I never said I was naked"_

" _No but that's how I picture you"_

His mouth kissed mine as he trails his kisses down my neck his hands move all over my body causing me to moan as my body shivers.

" _You know I find it funny that she forbids us to be together than leaves us together alone"_

" _I believe it's called Irony Adam"_

" _I call it Poetic Justice"_

" _Oh that's called the spot Adam right there yes..."_

He's sucking on my neck I can feel the hickey forming already but I don't stop him it wouldn't be my first. I can feel the heat all over my body warming me up from my neck to my stomach to between my legs. When he stops I feel the chill descend on me.

" _Why did you stop I was enjoying that"_

" _I know Jaz I could feel your body becoming aroused"_

" _You hate this?"_

" _No but we do have to be careful anyone could come around this corner and see us not all these guys will be as loyal as our team"_

" _Beside you want to know my secret right?"_

" _Yes baby I do"_

" _Well my secret is that I never wanted to be in the military"_

" _Seriously?_ I'm shocked by his admission we all just assumed Adam Dalton grew up with military ambitions like his dad. Brushing my hand over his stubble I look into his eyes as I lean up kissing him our mouths fully open, I can taste this morning's coffee and the eggs. I let myself get lost in his kiss as his words wash over me.

" _So what did Little Adam want to be?"_

Laying in his arms I feel the chill leave me as I feel the hairs on his chest tickling my checks which make me laugh. I love the feel of his hands running circles around my back an effort too keep me warm.

" _A Ball Player"_

" _Seriously?"_ I laugh " _Hey don't laugh I was frigging awesome I was voted MVP three years in high school"_

" _Damn baby I didn't know I was dating Derek Jeter"_

" _Now let's not go too far baby"_

" _Hey I am a born and breed New Yorker Yankees baby"_

" _I had a scholarship to college by my junior year"_

" _So what happened?"_

" _The usual I got injured start of senior year and missed too much of the season for Colleges to keep their interests in me. I lost the ride to college and without it I couldn't afford a top school"_

I felt horrible for him I know how it feels to have a dream shattered " _Dad was happy of course now I could follow in his footsteps, in a way it also gave him satisfaction knowing I could never be anything other than what he planned for me"_

" _That's horrible Adam I am so sorry"_

" _Thanks babe"_

" _So why did you join? I would of run as far as possible"_

" _Don't get jealous Jaz"_

" _Huh? Me jealous I never get jealous"_

" _Liar"_ I heard the word but it didn't sound like Adam who said that? Sitting up I looked around had someone seen us? Adam pulled me back down kissing my head. _"You okay baby?" "Yeah I'm good just hold me please"_

" _You never have to ask"_

" _My ex girlfriend Sarah helped me figure out it wasn't about my father it was about honoring this country that gave me freedom education life. It was about honoring the men and women who fought so hard for me to have those right_ _s, it was about honoring those we lost on 911"_

My whole body stiffened at the mention of 911 did he know? He knew my file he once told me he gets to know every little detail about someone when he puts a team together. So did he know? As far as I knew no one knew about that day that my life changed. Memories of that awful day still plague me I know he suspects something now by the way he's holding me staring down at me.

" _What did Sarah say to you?"_

He's laughing again " _I knew you would get jealous" "I am not jealous" "Jaz I can hear it in your voice"_

" _In the way you grit your teeth"_ He leaned down and kissed my not gritted teeth prying my lips apart I eagerly open my mouth fully for his kiss.

" _She told me to let go of my dad's exceptions and start making expectations for myself"_

" _So did Sar-Ah help you with these expectations?"_ My finger nail traced circles around his nipple he shock his head laughing. " _Shall I show you?"_

I gasped now he was being cruel swinging at him I made contact with his stomach he stopped my hand halfway before I hit him the second time pinning me down crawling on top of me, holding my hands now above my head he leaned into me kissing my nipples through my shirt which caused me to moan " _I'm gonna show you"_


	18. Chapter 18

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/14/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

Waking up in Adam's arms felt amazing he was still asleep his mouth slightly open. He was half naked my fingers traced over his chest which rose steady and fell evenly I still felt so guilty he took a bullet for me. My eyes watered why did boys always think they had to take a bullet for me protect me?

First Steve when I was 11, than Marcus when I was 14, now Adam. I'm 26 I don't need protection I graduated CTS, I am one of the few women to ever make it through Delta Force I've served in some of the most dangerous parts of the world pulled of countless rescue missions. Doesn't he understand I need him here with me kissing me loving me. Kissing his chest his stomach I suck gently on his nipple.

I was taking a risk they could be back any moment Patricia was dead set of us being apart, I didn't care though I would risk it all to be with him. He shivered as my lips sucked firmly but gently " _Damn baby good morning to you as well"_ I crawled on top of him he can't do anything to physical yet but I could, my hands continued their assault of his rock hard body. I kiss between his nipples feeling his little chest hairs stir I feel his legs stiffen and something else which makes me laugh. He moans as my tongue plays with his nipple which has now become erratic.

I want him to feel me when we are apart, I want him to smell me when we're not able to wake up in each others arms/ I want him to miss me as much as I know I will miss him. It may be clingy and not very bad ass but I don't care the heart wants what it wants, I can't help it I am completely in love with him. I can't compare this feeling to anything else either.

Love sure I know the technical name I've been in love once before. Steve but we were kids this is is different this is scary this is all consuming, I don't feel alive until he is touching me kissing me. Without him I feel cold, shaky. It's like I am thirsty but not just for plain old water no my ass has to have some expensive rare champagne. It's so rare that no store will sell it it's so strong that even the most hard core drinker will get loaded with just a few sips, so a causal drinker like myself will be tipsy and hazy with just a sniff. It will make you feel feverish dangerous, like your completely smashed and have no way back.

I'm lost I am in free fall I know I should run, I know Patricia is right I know I am wrong for a million different reasons, I can't run though no I am taking that bitch I am popping that cork and I am gonna drink this sweet Delicious pink Champagne. She won't take the wind from my sails I feel Adam start to kiss my breasts as I close my eyes I am reminded of how it feels when you go under a bridge one minute there's scolding sunlight assaulting your eyes than blackness which provides just a small relief before the sun burns you again.

I feel my body come alive as our arms and hands are all over each other our clothes come off as our legs spread our moans fill the room our lips showering each other in kisses.

" _We're home bitches"_ McGuire's voice fills the room as I shoot up " _Damn it not again"_ I dress quickly knowing it won't be long before he's checking one of our rooms. I'm out the window in the time it takes Adam to get dressed turning I blow him a kiss shaking my head. Here goes Ninja Jaz again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 11/22/2017**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

It's driving me insane not having Jaz in my arms not being with my team. she's been back into active Duty for over a week now. A guy can only read so many magazines and watch so much TV. I've tried working out but I am still too sore to do much. I'm missing her warmth of her slick body in my arms. I miss waking up to her hungry lips.

I'm not tired at all but I lean back on the couch bored out of my mind wondering where the team is what they are doing are they safe? Who are they helping out? It's been nice having Hannah here I know Jaz is loving having another female here, she's been keeping herself busy with Hannah when they are here, which helps her from going crazy. I'm pretty sure that was part of Patricia's plan. Closing my eyes I try to lure myself to sleep.

" _You look beautiful Jaz"_ She's laughing as I spin her damn that dress clings to her perfect body, it's pure white the bodice stops just below her top breasts. She takes my breath away is this our wedding day? I can see everyone clapping cheering as they sip Champagne, music is playing but I can't hear the lyrics I can just feel the beat.

" _Daddy"_ Who's this little boy? Why is he calling me Daddy? " _Play ball daddy"_ I step closer this kid looks a lot like me same spitting blond hair as I had as a kid the one mom always yelled at me to comb but I would just stick out my tongue laugh and run off. He has the same colored eyes as Jaz gorgeous shades of hazelnut. he's holding his glove in his small hand as his other throws the ball up and catches it expertly he's wearing that smart Alex grin I usually have he's going to be a heart-breaker when he is older.

" _Mama Daddy won't play ball with me"_

" _Jesus Mary Josephs Adam I am eight months pregnant with your second child I am hot sweaty tired and hurting the least you can do since you got me this way is play ball with your oldest child so I can get some god damn rest"_

" _Oh Oh Daddy you got mommy mad"_

" _DALTON!"_ I shoot up as I see Preach and McGuire staring down at me grinning, was that a dream? Shouldn't I feel relived I didn't have two kids and a pissed off wife? So why didn't I feel relieved? Why did I feel so cold empty? Why did my face feel wet? Was I crying? Why the hell were McGuire and Preach still staring down at me grinning?

" _Say cheese sucker"_

Snap the flash of a camera blinded me their so dead! What did they do to me? I see Jaz shaking her head from the kitchen where she's standing with Patricia and Hannah. Even in full tactical gear she looks so sexy. No time to dream about Jaz right now though I have two guys to kill. As I pass her though I get a scent of Jasmine and my knees almost go weak I feel the distant chase of a dream lift my feet as she smiles at me small but sweet. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Turkey**

 **Date: 11/23/2017 Time 13:33**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

Can you love someone to death? I'm starting to think you can. I haven't felt this strongly about someone in well ever. When I am away from Jaz I can feel myself breaking piece by piece each and every day. I worry all the time I know she's a bad ass I know she can protect herself her teammates. It doesn't stop me from worrying I lay in bed I see her smile I see her dancing. I hear her laughter, I can see her as a teenager, I can see our daughter as a teenager the same glint of trouble sparking in her eyes.

I miss holding her kissing her collarbone, her check. Teasing her she's been extra careful we haven't had any real alone time together not with Patricia around. I find myself being distance maintaining a professional posture. It kills me at night when I am alone. Now I am watching her and McGuire play horse shoes he's whining because as usual he's losing. Preach is on his phone to his family, Amir is with the kids playing soccer. Patricia has been inside cooking all day with Hannah.

Evan would of loved this he was an all American boy if there ever was one. BBQ's, home cooked meals, Hunting, fishing, Family, Church. This was his favorite holiday. Most kids love Christmas not Even nope Thanksgiving was his tops.

We came from a decent sized family my dad is one of three kids two boys one girl, my uncle Dan and his wife Michelle have six kids. My uncle Tommy and his husband have three sons, My aunt Maggie and her husband Nick have a son Anthony.

My mom comes from a family of five so I have two uncles Matt and Bobby who each have three kids, Susie, Lauren, Laura, Ryan, Christopher and Lenny, Kelli. I have two aunts Lauren Jayne and Kelly Gena who each have two kids Martin, Elizabeth and Ariana Rue, Monaco Jayne. So Holidays were always very filled Thanksgiving we always found ourselves down South my dad's family is in Louisiana.

Every Thanksgiving we would wake up Mama would let Evan pick out breakfast because his birthday was the day after and she always felt he got robbed of the attention because of the big feast and Black Friday. I remember one year instantly Evan was ten.

He woke up feeling excited he always had a sick sense of how the day would go that morning he woke up feeling like something big would happen. I remember rolling my eyes I was after all seventeen and found it silly he was so excited. He knew Dad would find something to pick on him for he found excitement like that annoying.

Evan picked Choc chip pancakes I ate a banana less carbs I was watching my weight for game season in a few months. After we dressed we followed all our cousins outside our dad and three uncles always took us hunting this year was special because no one had caught the first buck of the season in those parts. Evan as excited as he was ended up being the most focused out of all of us. He got the first buck of the season he was so little he couldn't even lift it so Dad lifted it high above his head as they posed for the photo that ended up on the front page of every newspaper.

Dad was so proud that his son got the buck he spent all day with Evan talking to him listening to him, watching the game with him while I went with my aunt to the homeless shelter to feed people. All in all it was a great day filled with family, friends, home cooked meals, we played board games.

I miss Evan now with such an intensity I wondered if he would be happy that I was with Jaz. I never got to talk to him about her, I knew they were close I often wondered how close? Did they ever sleep together? I could tell he liked her from the moment I first saw them together, he wasn't embarrassed that a girl beat him in rap he hated rap. He was just embarrassed that he didn't have the guts to tell her how he felt.

 **Time 15:45**

" _Raise your glasses"_

McGuire called out as the men and women gathered around the huge banquet tables we had set up in total this unit had 250 active members serving half had families with them, with the exceptions of my unit since our missions are highly classified. McGuire was slightly buzzed as he raised his glass standing up.

" _To Patricia and Hannah thank you for this meal!"_

We all stood raising our glasses cheering them as Patricia shock her head blushing. " _No"_ She waved her hands blushing as we applauded her. " _This is our honor right Hannah" "Right Patricia she's the boss I do what she says" "Seriously you all are out here everyday on the ground risking your lives for the freedoms most of us take for granted. I know this isn't much"_

" _Hell it's better than anything my mom ever cooked"_ Jaz called out a few echoed her statement. Jaz held her half empty glass high " _To America we may be far away but she is always in our hearts we fight for her we honor her we love her"_

" _To America!"_

Everyone cheered clicking glasses as we dug into our meals it wasn't the traditional Turkey since Turkey didn't have Turkeys. It was still tasty though I savored it home cooked meals were rare for us soldiers. My eyes connected with Jaz's she looked away blushing.

I was Thankful I finally had Jaz and I would be dammed if anything ever took that away.

 **A/N: 19 Days Left till the Winter Premiere of The Brave and we get our Jaz back! Thanks to everyone who reviewed favored and followed. Thinking of doing another fic of 911, how it affected the whole team. Thoughts or feelings on it?**

 **Happy Holidays to everyone stay safe, healthy!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Syria**

 **Date: 12/15/17**

 **P O V: Dalton's**

Being back in active duty meant very little alone time with Jaz but it also meant Patricia had gone back to D.C. Everyday for over three weeks we had a new mission the whole team was starting to drag down, little things would get under our skin and send each person snapping.

" _We need someone small who can get into the vent and take the leader by surprise"_

" _I can do it Tops"_ Jaz instantly volunteered I knew logically she was the perfect choice she was small fast and quite but I also knew these guys were some of the most dangerous men in the whole world. If she got caught they would murder her without even a blink of an eye.

" _Amir can you do it?"_ He looked shocked that I had picked him turning towards Jaz than pointing at himself. " _You want me Tops?" "Your name's Amir right?" "Yes...but.." "So can you do it?" "Honestly I think I am too tall, Jaz is smaller lighter"_

" _Not happening"_

" _Why Not?"_ Jaz demanded dead-set looking me in my eyes hers ablaze with anger maybe even a little bit of embarrassment. _"Because I am the team leader and I say what goes"_

" _Your being an ass dude we both know I am the one for this job"_

" _Excuse me did you just call me out in front of the team?"_

" _I did what are you going to do ground me daddy?" "We both know you can't do anything"_

" _Do you want to try me Sargent Khan?"_

" _Now fall back and obey my commands I want you to find a high spot set up an advantage point, your our lookout"_

" _Lookout what the hell Tops! You know I can do this stop treating me like a god damn Barbie doll, I am a kick ass sniper, I am trained just as anyone of you and I am the one for this job!"_

" _No your not Sargent Khan now fall back"_

" _Oh I'm gonna fall back just watch me"_

She grabbed her rifle storming off Preach shock his head pulling me aside. " _Tops I know you love her, I know your sneaking around, I know you don't want Patricia to know, this is not the way to go about it, She is the right person for this job, trying to protect her it's only going to backfire. She can take care of herself let her do this, or Patricia will know for sure"_

Preach's words rang in my head just as I heard McGuire calling out in the mic " _Jaz fall back for god sakes your going to get yourself killed"_

We both raced to where we had left the team to see McGuire freaking out as I heard Patricia's voice in my ear piece " _Dalton someone tell me why Sargent Khan just went on a one woman mission?"_

What could I say? Damn it Jaz why couldn't you just step back and follow orders? Fuming I searched for her but she was gone. " _Dalton talk to me, Jaz is inside she's already gotten the suspect in her line she's awaiting orders"_

" _Is she clear Patricia?"_

" _Yes Dalton she's good"_

" _Than execute"_

The mission ended up being a complete success but neither Jaz or I would look at each other after she was fuming I had refused to even consider her, I was fuming she had disobeyed orders and I ended up being corned by Patricia via private video chat.

By the time we got back to base Jaz had taken off. I knew I was wrong to not choose her but I just couldn't take the chance of losing her, which made me start to think that Patricia may be right. Maybe mixing business with pleasure was not a good idea. I needed time to think focus and figure out what I should do so I went for a drive and put on some country music Evan's favorite.

As the music played I thought back to the days when Evan and I would hit the courts and play some ball, he was a pretty awesome player he had fast feet he thought quick and was always about the trick. I was never much of a basketball player, but I went along because it was quality time with my little bro. I parked alongside a basketball court watching as these four teens played.

I found myself thinking of Evan wondering what he would say about the mess I had created he was always so protective of Jaz, he thought of her as his little sister. I knew he would rip me apart for doing what I did but I didn't regret it. I needed her to be safe.

Closing my eyes I found myself remembering a conversation Evan and I had a few months before I left for my third tour, Evan was about fifteen and crushing on a girl in his school I was in my mid twenties, I had just lost Reagan.

" _I don't know what to do Adam I mean I really like her but man her daddy he is a pistol if he knew I was courting his daughter he sure as hell hang me by my balls"_

" _So don't bother why go after her if the chase is going to end in heartache or you in a coffin dude?"_

" _Because I really like her Man she's so smart and funny and did you see her ass man? I mean..._ He motioned like he was patting a horse's butt licking his lips I used the distraction to side step him jump and score. He cursed as he chased the ball.

" _There are a million girls with big asses out there Evan and titties why waste your time on this chick?"_

" _Because Adam she makes me feel things"_

" _Porn makes me feel things to dude it don't mean I am willing to pay a $100 a year of a subscription though"_

" _Sick man"_

" _I've been told"_

" _Ask yourself this Evan h_ _ave you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."_

He stopped to consider my words watching me so I couldn't get another sneak shot before he finally slowly replied.

" _This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything, they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too, I hate to say it, most of them actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."_

" _Like nailing this 3 pointer! He shoots the balls fly's and Evan Dalton scores the crowd goes wild!"_

" _You can't give up because if you give up you'll never find your soul mate"_

Evan's words hung there like the buzzing in your ear after a bomb goes off it leaves you dizzy confused and slightly afraid. Yet strangely wide awake and full of life a new found energy. It got me thinking how do you know someone is your soulmate?

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Jaz's words come back to me from the day before Nathan's funeral we had been questioning everything in life, including love. I thought she had been thinking of Stephen when she talked about how she knew someone was right for her. Now I wondered if maybe she was talking about me, had she always known she was in love with me?

She wasn't afraid the next night maybe it was the amount she had to drink maybe it wasn't, either way she took my shirt pulled me to her and kissed me so deeply with so much passion and love it rocked my whole world. Now I couldn't stop missing the feel of her lips on mine. I felt her heart beat along with mine, I smelled her on my skin. I can see her gorgeous eyes blazing with passion and anger.

Being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. I hadn't heard a more truer line in my whole life. Losing Jaz scares me more than anything has ever scared me before, but maybe there are worse ways to lose someone than to death.

Starting my truck I headed into town I knew this was going to take more than a simple sorry to make up for what an ass I had been. Taking my time I searched for the perfect make up/ I love you more than I know what to do gift.

I found her on the beach knees brought up to her chest tears falling down her eyes hair flowing down god damn she looked beautiful. What kind of fool am I to let her go? Glancing around I could see what a beautiful day it was the sky was a strange mixture of orange and red, there was only a slight breeze enough to give a chilly relief to the hot sun. she had a beer cracked open which she was slowly drinking from. The water was blowing slightly she was so close it caressed her check.

Evan would beat my ass for making her cry than he would laugh because I was standing there so nervous, so afraid of what this tiny 110 pound women would do to me when she figured out I was back here sweating shaking.

He should be here to see this to give me advice I would roll my eyes at when I was next to him but would later go for a walk and think about only to come to the conclusion that my little wise cracking brother was in fact right.

" _Are you going to stand there all day or man up and apologize because you let your dick think for you?"_

Jaz's voice was sarcastic all the way with no hint of teasing shit she was even more pissed off than I imagined. Deep breath Dalton and man up heading over to her I stayed a few feet away. She didn't turn so her back was towards me still.

" _Your right Jaz I was an ass however it wasn't my dick doing the thinking it was my heart not my brains, Jaz I won't lie to you I didn't want you going in that building. Not because I didn't think you couldn't do the job I know you could, I just I knew you would stop at nothing to get this mission done, it's what all of us are here for, the thing that scared me Jaz is that as fierce and badass as you are so are these assholes who have made it their mission to blow us up, I guess I am just having trouble. If I lost you Jaz I don't know what I would do"_

" _Tops this is the life we signed up for, you knew who I am when you slept with me when you made those promises, I haven't I won't change, nor do I except you to, we both agreed to try this thing, we have to separate work from personal for this to work, do you think I am not afraid of losing you? I watched you take a bullet for me, I almost lost you, yet I don't question you when you dive into a mission because I trust you, I respect you"_

" _Jaz I get it"_

" _No Adam you don' t you don't respect me enough to trust me._ _I can't be with someone like that, I don't want to be with someone like that not again"_

" _Jaz I am sorry I do trust you, I respect you, I love you I know I messed up, I get flowers and a lame I am sorry won't repair this, I never meant to disrespect you. I let my fear take over. I can't stop thinking about Reagan and I just can't bear to go through that, I loved her I can't I won't pretend she happened, I can't pretend it didn't hurt like hell, I have so much guilt over her death and my part in it, I guess I let the idea of you being killed or hurt just take over me"_

I went around to face her kneeling in front of her she recoiled her hand. This was not going to be easy, I could see her nostrils flare, her eyes still red, she was not going to back down.

" _I'm not easy to Love Dalton, I am selfish inpatient stubborn and insecure in so many things, what I am secure about is my job my ability to do it, when I am questioned I fight back, when I am corned I feel sorry for the predator. You questioned my ability you KNOW how hard it was for me to get here so you know how damn amazing I am never I mean never question me again Dalton unless I earn it, I will easily quit this you us whatever you call it before I let go of everything I worked my ass off fo_ _r. I love you Adam I made that clear enough I will fight for us but not if you won't fight beside me, I don't want or need to be cuddled, I want to be respected and treated fairly."_

" _Take me or leave me Adam, I am not perfect but I am wroth it"_

" _Jaz I'm sorry please forgive me we all have faults mine is that when I fall in love I fall deeply I fall for the wrong people in the wrong places or wrong circumstances, I swear to you I will work on it, I make you this promise right here"_

I pulled out the ring I had hidden in my pocket she stared at me shocked as I took her hand kissing it.

" _Jasmine Jaz Khan will you please help me stand by my side forever and for always? Will you make me this promise that whenever we are ready to settle down quit this life that you will still be by my side? I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."_

" _Sometimes I think I know it all just because I have been doing this for so long, I may need reminding that my ego needs to be knocked down a few notches, will you be that women who helps settle me?"_

I slipped the ring on her finger as she gasps it's 18 karts of gold the band kriss crosses on both sides coming to the top which is in the shapes of two hearts one for each of our birth stones surrounded by diamonds. She didn't know what to say so I took that as a sign slipping between her open legs wrapping my arms around her shoulders as I rested my head on her right knee, our eyes locked as I slowly pulled her to me.

" _I love you Jaz I want to spend the rest of my life showing you so someday Jaz will you be my wife?"_

" _Yes Adam yes I will"_

Smiling I pulled her down next to me kissing her deeply full of passion she moaned as she slide her body on top of mine, my hands slide under her shirt as I pulled it over her head, I didn't care if anyone saw us. She looked so damn hot so vulnerable my lips traveled down her Delicious body tasting savoring every part of her as our clothes came off. We were in a hidden part of the beach as the sun slide low into the ocean. She pulled away breathing hard as she lay on top of me naked " _Wait"_

" _You okay honey?"_

" _No"_

" _What's wrong?_

" _Protection we don't want to get caught right?"_

" _Right baby"_

" _Than Strap it or forget it cowboy"_


	22. Chapter 22

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location:** **Rouen France**

 **Date: 12/22/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz's**

" _It's the little moments Jaz, the way you laugh, the way you smile when your about to pound someone's ass, the way you curl your knees up to your chin as you watch the sunsets or the sunrises, the way you lay on my shoulder, just as you fall asleep and my arm joins you into slumber land. It's those moments that I live for"_

Adam and I have been playing this little game of sneaking around for over two months now in every country we visited we would find ways to sneak out meet on the beach or in town. Holding hands as we strolled down the streets or on the beach. The guys pretended not to notice but I had a feeling some of them did. I was thankful for their discreteness.

At night we would quietly make love fall asleep in each others arms and sneak out before sunrise laying with him was my saving grace, leaving him was my silent torture, it killed me physically and mentally but I knew it was what we had to do.

Today we we were stealing little moments by our-selves in a tree over looking the river his arms were around my waist as my head rested on his chest. I needed it after a brutal take down where I almost got my head bashed in. I was feeling crappy in truth for the last week I had started to feel like I was coming down with something, my head was spinning, I was weak and tired all day. I started throwing up Monday and hadn't been able to stop in the last five days but I didn't want to worry him so I kept it to myself.

I hated lying to him but I knew he would worry if I told him so I kept taking vitamins, drinking water, resting when I could. I kept praying it would work but by the drained dizzy feeling I had now as I lay in his arms staring at my gorgeous ring, I was starting to worry.

The light rain brought back memories of when I would stare at the Hudson River and wonder what it would be like to experience life outside NYC I was around fourteen maybe fifteen it was after Steve's passing. The only time I had ever even considered leaving the city I had grown up loving.

Funny how life worked out I wondered if he was looking down from heaven and laughing his ass off at me, I was living the life he always dreamed about. I can still hear his laughter in my head as I lay here quite in Adam's arms feeling so peaceful so content.

" _There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."_

That was how he signed his last Christmas card to me I can still recall his scrawny signature as we lay in each others arms under his covers, his parents were out for the night. Holly was in her room with the music playing, we were stealing kisses and little touches nothing too advanced we were kids after all.

" _What are you thinking about baby snipes?"_

" _Oh God really?"_

" _I like it"_ He stole a kiss from me quickly always looking around, " _I'm thinking about how happy you make me, how I haven't felt this safe, loved or wanted in a really long time"_

" _Since Steve?"_

" _Yeah"_ My voice cracks a little as I finger the necklace I had on, I only wear it two days a year today being one of them.

" _What's in the locket babe?"_ It felt strange wearing it now I hadn't had a serious boyfriend since Steve so whenever I would wear it I never had to explain it to anyone, but now as I fingered it slowly opening it, I looked into his eyes excepting to see jealously or pity. I saw neither all I saw was love.

His fingers laced with mine as his face was pressed against mine, I could smell his aftershave, his breath mint after the onion challenge him and McGuire got into. I closed my eyes as he slowly, gently opened the locket I knew the insides like the back of my hand on the left was a picture of Steve and I at his 8th grade prom. The next picture over was of just him three weeks before he died his blond hair was all choppy in front, in an almost Mohawk state, he was really going for the skater punk look so popular in the early 2000's. His eyes were shining bright he had just told a joke right before the camera flashed.

My fingers must have been shaking because I felt him take them lift them to his and kiss each trembling slender finger. " _What's gotten you so shaken sweetheart?"_

" _I don't know how to talk about it, or if I should even"_

" _If it's bothering you than yes babe you need to let it out"_ He kissed my neck gently slowly sucking on it, his hands ran down my sides. " _Today it's just so hard"_

" _Why honey?"_

" _Today is the day"_

" _What day?"_

I bit my lip hard trying to stop the tears " _It wasn't suppose to be this way, he was suppose to be here, he was suppose to travel the world do amazing things save lives"_

" _Dear God_ _it's_ _today?"_ I nodded letting a few tears fall, he held me tighter. _"He's still here Jaz with you in your memories, your heart"_

" _It's not the same"_

" _No it's not, but it's all we have now, Evan should be here to but he's not, we are so we have to live for them, we have to laugh for them, love for them twice as hard and carry on"_

" _You've never talked about that day Jaz have you?"_

" _No"_ My voice is smaller as I close my eyes I feel him hold me tighter, it should make me feel better but the truth is my stomach is turning badly, I feel like I will vomit. My breathing is tight as I picture it all in my head.

" _I don't know if I can Adam it's still so raw"_

" _I'm here Jaz however much you want to say, I am here I will listen and not judge"_

" _Yo may regret that"_

" _Why babe?"_

" _Because it's all my fault that Steve died"_


	23. Chapter 23

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Rouen France**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

 **12/22/17**

" _Jaz why would you say Steve's death is your fault?"_

" _Because it is Adam just hear me out you'll see why"_

Adam shifted his weight so I was now sitting between his legs lifting my chin with his finger he looked me straight in my eyes kissing the top of my nose I leaned my face against his feeling his breath against my check.

" _Nothing can ever make me think less of you or make me love you any less my sweet Jasmine"_

I blushed at his words doubting very much he'd feel the same when he heard how everything happened. Leaning my upper body back against his chest. I felt my tension stiffen as he ran his strong hands over my shoulders and neck. God I couldn't take it if he rejected me after he heard what a horrible person I really am. His lips grazed my head making me shiver.

" _Saturday night Steve called me because he was stuck at his dad's place and his dad had a meeting, he heard about a party happening a few floors below it was multi-level some kid was throwing it that lived there. He invited Steve so Steve invited me"_

" _I sneaked out while my parents were fighting because my brother had been arrested again, when I got there his dad lived on the upper west side of Manhattan, I saw Holly on the steps with her boyfriend Baby Killa, she was smoking crack so she gave me a hit, it calmed me a little, she warned me Steve was high and had been drinking, she tried to tell me Steve was talking smack about getting laid that night, she even gave me a pack of condoms. She kept telling me if he tried to pressure me to leave to call her"_

" _I didn't think too much of her warning this was Steve he was always so sweet to me, he had never hurt me"_

" _When I found him he was talking to some kid I didn't know they had their arms wrapped around each other's shoulders, he called this kid Matthew. I should of noticed how Matt was playing with Steve's hair he was always so fussy about his hair he hated anyone touching it"_

" _They got me beer and a few cokes as we danced I didn't notice it then but I felt it later the coke's were laced with something. I started to feel sleepy and weak"_

I felt Adam's arms tighten around me as I talked about that night pain hitting me in my chest as I thought about how stupid I was how naive. He pulled me closer I didn't think it was possible, I felt the shame radiating off me in waves. Would he still look at me the same now? Would he see the women I am now or just some stupid kid who let herself get tricked. I couldn't hold my head up to meet his I felt disgusted by myself

" _He drugged you baby"_

" _I didn't know it then Adam all I knew was that I loved Steve with all my heart, he kept telling me all night how pretty I was how he loved my smell, how he couldn't wait any longer to be with me all the way, he was kissing me all over my body grinding against me"_

" _How did that make you feel?"_

" _Creep-ed out a little scared confused he had never been like that I kept telling myself it was because he was 14 almost 15 and that I was just too young too immature, that I needed to suck it up I loved him I shouldn't be afraid"_

" _Jaz you didn't give in did you?"_

Tears prickled making it hard to breathe Adam rubbed my back whispering in my ear to just breathe to relax there was no rush.

" _He was my boyfriend Adam I loved him"_

I didn't have the heart to correct Adam to tell him that Steve didn't take anything from me that night that my virginity had been taken when I was eight by that awful foster dad. It should be in my file anyway, he should know already. How could he still want to be with me? I was ashamed in myself how could I be so weak?

" _When I found Steve afterwards he was with Matthew"_ I closed my eyes feeling so many emotions all at once remembering that day.

" _He was kissing him they were both shirtless he kept saying how sorry he was_ _he didn't want to pressure me he didn't mean to hurt me, he was just ...confused he had felt like he was different all along but he needed to prove it. He thought if he slept with me he would know he was either straight or gay, it didn't help he said it confused him more, so he kissed Matthew"_

My body shock as the tears refused to come out Adam held me tightly rubbing my back as he kissed my face, head.

" _I was so awful to him that day I told him he was a freak I called him so many nasty names because I was hurting, I told him to drop dead I never wanted to see him again"_

" _I left him alone, scared confused"_

" _He left you alone Jaz to deal with all that at only 12 years old"_

" _I was 13"_

" _I went to the park Holly was there she knew right away something had happened so she gave me a bottle of Hennessy. We smoked a joint she kept telling me it was going to be okay that once the first time was over it got better, she apologized over and over for his behavior she kept trying to remind me he was a good kid just confused"_

" _Didn't help did it babe?"_ I shock my head shivering Adam pulled his jacket off wrapping it around my shoulders.

" _I was so mad all weekend I spent at the gym fighting anyone who dared to take me on by Monday I was so sore but I had a lot of time when I was at the gym to think about how Steve must feel knowing he was probably gay how I didn't know how I wold react if I thought I was different would I feel like I had anyone to talk to?"_

" _What did you do Jaz?"_

" _I went to his dad's house after school this was his week there, he didn't answer but I heard music so I knew either him or Holly were there, I texted them both I called out I banged on the door, I kept getting this awful chill going through me. I didn't get a reply from either, I started feeling scared I didn't know why"_

" _I left only because one of the neighbors was high and threatened to shoot me if I didn't leave. I went to the skating park, one of the guys said he saw Holly heading home with Baby and their supplies"_

" _Supplies?"_

" _Heroine"_

" _I texted her again and she finally replied she said she was busy but she'd talk to him and to meet them at 6 at their dad's. So I got into a skating battle with a few guys"_

" _I bet you won"_ He gently kissed the corners of my mouth I still couldn't meet his eyes. I know it killed him to see my pain but he needed to see that I am not the person he thinks I am. I don't deserve his love his admiration I have a side to me that he can never imagine.

" _Don't even remember in the end all I remember was that I was late meeting Holly, because I was so focused on killing my pain, I ended up late by the time I got there, his building was surrounded by cops, Ambulances, Fire department"_

" _Jaz I am so sorry"_

He pulled me so close as my trembling became all consuming I could feel his heartbeat, smell his after shave, his chest hair rubbed against my face, his hands never stopped rubbing through my hair trying to calm me. My chest hurt yet the tears refused to come, another sign proof of what a horrible person I was, how could I not cry?

" _When they came out I saw they had a stretcher_ _which_ _was covered in a white sheet. Every city kid knows white is for kids it means purity. I kept telling myself that those poor parents must feel horrible how could anyone survive losing a child? I heard a man scream I heard him banging on the door to the apartment building he kept calling out "Don't take my child, why god why would you do this?"_

Biting my lips I felt my breath gasp as they images replayed inside my head as clear as it was yesterday I could still smell the stale Cigarette of the man beside me who kept shaking his head muttering in Spanish, I can recall the breeze as it blew across my sweaty skin, I can still hear the song playing from some boombox on the steps next to their building, I can see the kids drinking their soda talking about the concert from the night before, it didn't matter that right beside them a kid their age had lost their life. For them life went on as normal, I can hear the dog barking across the street.

He'll never know just how much that day has haunted me how every time I close my eyes I see the sirens, I hear the man screaming for his kid. How when I finally looked up I saw the man my eyes met his I could feel the pain shoot from his eyes straight into my heart, because I knew that man, he was a second father to me in many ways he was more of a father than my own.

" _I thought it was Holly she had been using drugs she had been hanging with a bad crowd, she had been engaging in risky behaviors, I never… not in a million years did it even occur to me that it was Steve he was so young only 14"_

" _When did you know baby?"_

" _When I heard her yell my name, I saw her come from the building behind her father I felt frozen, I felt sick, they passed me his body stopped in front of me while they lowered the vehicle I felt this awful chill, I just could not believe it"_ My whole body shivered now at the memory, Adam wrapped his jacket tighter around me, it didn't help.

" _She had found him when she got home she went to talk to him she found him hanging from the closet he had drowned their cat because he didn't want to die alone"_

" _He was so scared he felt so alone he should of never felt that way he should of known he had me, but I was a fucking bitch I was so selfish I only thought about how I felt I never even considered how he felt, I told him to drop dead, he was my best friend, what kind of a friend is that?"_

He didn't say anything as he held me my trembling over took my body making the branch shake I prayed it would hold us.

" _Is that why you started hurting yourself Jaz? Starving yourself?"_

He picked up my wrists rolling up the sleeves kissing the scars that cover my arms I could only nod as I curl to him savoring him. Wondering how long it will be before he leaves me disgusted by me ashamed.

" _Look at me Jaz"_ He lifted my chin to his level his eyes were filled with love, compassion hurt why was he hurt? He never knew Steve. " _This is not your fault do you hear me?"_ How did he still believe in me?

" _I told him to drop dead"_

" _You didn't pull the trigger you didn't make him make up his mind, he had his own brains he made his own choice, he could of talked to someone, you were a kid you were hurt you lashed out that's what we do teens are mean, he was older he should of asked for help, his parents should have been there, this is not your fault. I know your heart is hurting, I know you feel responsible, you are not"_

" _I never want you to feel so helpless alone again, I am never going to leave you Jaz you are an amazing beautiful, smart, no matter what life throws at us Jaz you will never be alone, don't take on this world by yourself Jaz please promise me that when you feel powerless that you will lean on me"_

" _You have to let go of this guilt Jaz Steve wouldn't want you to feel like this he would want you to go on with your life. Saying I'm sorry is one of the hardest things we will ever have to say sometimes it's harder than goodbye because it's admitting we were wrong, Jaz you have to say I am sorry to yourself you have to forgive yourself, you were scared hurt and confused, you didn't make Steve hurt himself"_

" _I just wanted to make him understand that I loved him even if he wasn't in love with me, I didn't want him to feel like he was alone, I never wanted him to think I hated him because of who he was, he couldn't help being gay any more than I could help being in love with him, I never got to say those words if I had gone over sooner, if I had sucked it up if I had known….I…_

" _Jaz baby stop you can't blame yourself"_

" _It's my fault Adam don't you get it?"_

" _No Jaz because you didn't kill him you want to know how it feels to be responsible for someone else death?"_

" _I know how that feels because I am the reason Reagan was killed I knew it was dangerous to fall for someone when your undercover, yet I did it, I took her fragile heart she was just a kid Jaz only 18 years old, I was in my twenties, she had so many dreams big plans to move to America, I used her so I could get information about her dad, I played her heart. I made her promises I knew I never intended to keep. I put her right in the line of fire, I told her I would marry her if she gave me the last bit of information we needed. She gave it to us Jaz she risked her life knowing her father would kill her of she got caught, I had her meet us at the church I gave her the ring."_

" _I sent her to lure her dad out to the site, one of our agents got blown, her dad knew instantly it was a trap, I had to stand back and watch while they killed her if I tried to save her the whole mission would have been blown, I sacrificed her for the mission"_

" _I saw the fear in her eyes pleading with me to save her, I did nothing I just stood by and watched while they shot her"_

Adam's pain was written all over his face my own heart broke for him knowing what a kind of man he is, how it must of killed him standing by doing nothing. I have never known him to do nothing now I understood why he would never leave someone behind on a mission. My hands ran over his face god I wanted to take away his pain.

We held each other both of us consumed by our own pain our own mistakes we were both fighting our own war eternally. He leaned down kissing me deeply I started to understand a little better he didn't judge me because he was too busy judging himself. He couldn't hold me accountable because he felt what he did was so much more worse.

Our kisses heated as we made our way back to our safe house which was empty I didn't need any drugs or booze this time, not when his touch made my skin feel like fire was coursing through every cell, kisses trailing down my body making me feel like for the first time in forever that I deserved to be treasured. I knew he needed this as much as I needed it, I made sure every kiss on his perfect body was felt every nibble on his chest or his nipple was done with love, I pleased him in ways I had never felt comfortable pleasing a man before, I didn't feel pressured if anything he was he gentle with me encouraging me to slow down.

I didn't slow down my body only got tighter wetter and hotter as I brought him down to my body. Whispering into his ear to make love to me while he kissed my neck, jawline. I've seen the bottom I've been at my lowest now I was ready for him to take me to the highest level of pleasure anyone could experience. I was so thankful the guys were out because I couldn't stop the moans that escaped my mouth.

This wasn't about sex or even just being physical this was a bout something way deeper connecting two souls on a more imitate level. I let myself feel whatever came even the tears that fell as I started to feel myself tighten down there, why was I crying when I had never felt so happy so loved or secure? I have no idea my whole body was on fire there wouldn't be enough rope to tie me down or tape to shut my mouth, I screamed from pleasure, from pain, I was left breathless by his kisses his touches, his simple ways of loving me, I felt like the whole world was moving as I felt my orgasm take over me, I was left dizzy gasping for air water but there wasn't enough air to keep my lungs supplied because the second I felt like I was coming down I was hit with another wave of such intense pleasure, I felt my throat go dry from screaming, moaning his name.

Hours passed but I wasn't looking at the time I didn't want it to stop I just wanted to hold him kiss him there is no closer interaction with another human being than when you are wrapped in each others arms making love. My bottom lip started to quiver as our climax ended he noticed instantly and started to suck gently on it " _If you need to cry Jaz it's okay this is a safe space but I don't want you to be sad baby this is a beautiful moment, you deserve to feel it to treasure it to have it"_

" _Jaz it's all normal to feel this way it's part of a women's orgasm it's not just in your gentiles baby it's all over your beautiful body don't fight it feel it release it, your safe sweetie always, you need to let it out not just the physical part or the screaming but the tears the pain the happiness."_

Adam wrapped his arms around my boy pulling me close kissing me whipping my tears away from my face god how did I ever get this lucky? Closing my eyes I breathed him in " _Thank you Adam for always being here for loving me, for never judging me, you are not the man you use to be don't let what happened to Reagan ever make you feel like your less of a man believe me your not"_

" _We both made mistakes Jaz maybe we made them so it would lead us to this to each other, I'll always regret what happened but I love you, I would choose you every time"_

" _In that case baby Welcome Home because these arms are always ready to welcome you home"_ His laughter echoed in my ears as I felt sleep take me in it's wings.

" _Night baby" "Night Jazzy" "Uh I hate you" "Too bad cause I love you"_ He kissed my nose as I closed my eyes.


	24. Chapter 24

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location:** **Rouen France**

 **Date: 12/23/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz's**

" _Good Morning Jaz want some coffee?"_ Amir's question had barely left his lips before I was turning around to race back to the bathroom I had just left after relieving my bladder, now my stomach was begging to be emptied. Covering my mouth I rushed out of the kitchen.

Adam was by my side as I threw everything from yesterday up rubbing my back as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. After twenty minutes I was able to stand shakily washing out my mouth my whole body was shaking as I felt the un-shed tears releasing itself what the hell was wrong with me? Since when did I cry over getting sick? Since when did I get sick when offered coffee?

He didn't say anything he just held me as my chest shock closing the door so no one would hear, I didn't want to worry him but I was starting to think something was serious wrong with me. " _No secrets Jaz talk to me what's going on?"_

" _I don't know Adam I honestly don't I just feel shaky dizzy tired achy, now I'm throwing up"_

" _I never feel like that unless I'm getting my period oh god what is the date?"_

" _23rd baby"_

" _Shit"_

" _Ew Gross I think we figured it out I heard that time can make women emotional"_

" _What do you mean gross asshole you had no problem sticking your dick into it last night now it grosses you out because it maybe bleeding?"_

He laughed as I hit him hard over and over he grabbed my hands tickling me " _Speaking of assholes I never tried anal but I hear that could be fun"_

" _Get out you sick perverted freak it's never happening!"_

Shoving him out of the door I locked it sinking down onto the floor feeling dizzy again I didn't know if it was physical or something entirely different. Was I just deliriously happy so much so it was making me off balance or was something else going on?

" _ **The times I've cried  
We come too close  
And every night  
The passion's there  
So it's gotta be right,  
Right?"**_

 **Lyrics belong to Pink**


	25. Chapter 25

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location:** **Islamic State in West Africa,** **Nigeria**

 **Date: 12/23/2017**

 **P O V: Jaz's**

Throughout the whole day I was racing to the nearest trash can or bath house to vomit violently. I was shaking sweating, dizzy each time I threw up I felt even more drained, more dizzy & weaker. I hide it all from the team I didn't want them to worry. Or think I couldn't keep up we all have scars we all have weakness but as a women I have to hold it all inside so much closer. Logically I knew I should speak up being a part of this team is all about trust, I trust them yet something stopped me from saying anything. Even after I missed my shot I have never missed my shot ever!

We had to regroup think fast move faster I didn't feel like I could keep up yet I pushed myself harder I didn't let my ass tearing from Adam get me down, it burned but I deserved it. I took it like a soldier it made me push harder. I knew he was pissed off, he wouldn't show any special favors. I was glad for that because it seemed to throw Patricia off our tail. She chewed me out just as hard as him but never once did she seem to suspect that we were sleeping together.

By the time we were heading home I fell asleep in the helicopter I felt his eyes on me but I was too drained to care. God being a women sucked if only men could feel the pain of a menstrual cycle. I felt so gross and sticky so sick.

My first stop home was the shower my arms felt heavy so heavy I could barely lift them up to undress myself. Even when Adam came in to shower I could barely find the energy to tease him or knowledgeable him in anyway. " _Did you get that thing yet?"_ I just glared at him as I sat down to pee he shock his head laughing undressing throwing his boxers at me " _If your not bleeding to death Khan feel free to join me in the shower"_

" _Your a nasty SOB you know that?"_

" _Yes Mama's told me"_

Throwing his boxers into the trash I closed my eyes trying to get my breath and regain some level of normalcy in my balance. No blood I'm not bleeding what the hell? Washing up I pulled my calendar out that I keep in the draw. My hands were shaking as I pulled it open fear seizing me when was the last time I got my period? Quickly scrolling through it I felt my breath catch when I saw the date marked in bright red.

 **10/22/17**

Dear God! I was late I felt my stomach come up again as my legs gave out I grabbed the toilet seat as I retched calling out " _Adam I need you come quick!"_


	26. Chapter 26

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: 12/23/2017**

 **P O V: Dalton**

Pregnant! Shit! Fuck! This can not be happening! Fear engulfed my whole body my legs felt shaky my neck was tight I was sweating my stomach was rolling in waves. I have so many plans for my life I might be captain but I want so much more. I want to keep traveling, I want to make GA someday I want to retire with medals and honers when I am older.

Sure I want a family someday not now! I'm only 35 I want to go back to college get my master's degree in something I don't know what yet, I need time to decide I haven't even figured out where I want to live when I retire.

How can I about to become a father? I don't know how to be a dad look at the example I had! I can't get my breath am I hyperventilating? God this can not be happening! How can I have been so stupid? Why didn't I wear a condom? I can't swallow I can't see my vision is blurry. I can just see Evan laughing at me or wanting to slap me.

What would he do if this was him? Evan was always so much cooler in panic type of situations, breathe Adam just breathe that's what he would say and think. Why do you think you'll be a horrible dad? Just because dad was? Your not dad you learned what not to do from him.

Picture your life without Jaz can you? No I wouldn't want to, now remember that dream you had the one where you saw your son, where you saw her pregnant. How did you feel? I closed my eyes feeling her squeeze my hand. I remember waking up feeling happy confused but happy.

I also remember feeling let down because it was only a dream. I could see that little boy so clearly inside my head. His little blond hair sticking up all over the place. Was he a little angel? A little devil? He was a mixture of Jaz, and I so he was bound to be a little genius a little evil genius. He would probably sneak out in his best Sunday clothes reserved for church to play basketball or break dance with his crew, he'd stay up at night worrying us.

Closing my eyes I tried to see my future _,_ I could see Jaz. I could hear our future in my head I could see the little hazel eyes staring back at me calling me daddy as I held his hand while he took his first wobbly steps. I could feel his little hands inside of mine as I teach him how to hold a baseball how to throw it so he can get the max spin. I could hear his laughter as he pretends to laugh at my silly lame jokes.

" _Daddy"_ His little voice trying out my name for the very first time damn it sounded so glorious, I wasn't delusional I wasn't excepting it to be all sunshine freshly baked cookies or roses. It would be hard I knew that, the hardest thing either one of us would ever do yet it would be so rewarding. We would be bringing new life to this world new hope new chances.

What would we name our little guy? Noah? Mason? Elijah, Ethan, Robert? Keith? I didn't care as long as I got to feel his little fingers wrap around my fingers, as long I felt them squeeze me tight getting reassurance I would always be there for him to guide him love him scold him laugh with him cry with him. I could see us lying together listening to country music promising mommy would never know.

He was unexpected sure unplanned for yes but not unwanted not unloved. He wasn't a mistake he may not have a voice but he was real to me. He was excitement to me, to me he was love so pure so unconditional no writer can ever accurately describe it. He was the birth of a new dream, like a sunrise warming up a cold winters day he was new breath new wind he was a dream, he was scared he was a gift from god above.

He was my son.. even if we hadn't met yet, even though I was scared shit-less, even if I might of thrown up three times on my way here out of fear or nerves. It didn't matter to me because I already loved him. I didn't know what he would look like yet, I didn't know how his voice would sound what color eyes he would have.

Who he would take after would he be like me playing Baseball in his Sunday clothes that his parents just bought him laughing as he got mud on them while Jaz, I stood in the doorway shaking our heads trying not to get mad even though those clothes cost us a good fortune. Would he be like his mama always chasing one dream after the next? He had our genes so he would be a heart breaker.

Would we catch him smoking when he was teenager? Would he be a man who helped others who protected little animals like his mama?

My hand felt numb as I thought about the life this kid would, if he was given a chance he...I didn't even know what she was pregnant with maybe I was going to have a little girl.

I smiled a little girl who I would protect from all the bad ass little punks like myself a baby girl who I would buy the prettiest dresses for who would wear cute pink hats. A daughter who I could take to dance class who's hair I would learn to braid just to hear her say " _I love you my daddy"_ My daddy yeah that would be our special name. Just between my daughter and I. What would she be named?

Jennifer? Lucy? Sophia? Joy? Jasmine? So many beautiful names for a perfect little girl. _"My Daddy hurry up the tea's getting cold"_

I could hear her little laughter inside my head I could see her little smile as she poured tea for her dolls, who were lined up around the table. I felt stupid squeezing my over sized legs into the tiny doll sized pink table. I smiled though because this was important to my daughter.

" _My Daddy can I please have a sleepover? Pretty Pretty please with sugar on top I promise it will only be a few kids"_

" _My Daddy can I borrow the credit card? Homecoming is coming up I have to look gorgeous"_

I could hear all these dreams I could see all these dreams inside my head. _"Congratulations Sargent Khan you are in deed Pregnant"_ Reality crashed down I saw her eyes blazing she wanted to slap this doctor as much as she needed to vomit again. I grabbed the bag as she retched these dreams would come with a huge price to both of us. We weren't just any couple if we came out with this secret if we went forward with this pregnancy she would be reprimanded I would be striped of my rank.

Focus Adam forget your fears this isn't all about you Jaz was scared shit-less I could see it in her eyes in her shaking. Wrapping my arms around her when she was done vomiting I held her tightly. Kissing her head as she shed a few tears. " _There are options Sargent Khan"_

I had to get this doctor out of here before Jaz killed her so I politely thanked the doctor telling her we knew the options and asking for some privacy. " _I can't abort this baby Adam their innocent they didn't ask to be created"_

Laying my hands on her stomach as I helped her to lay down I brushed away her tears kissing her hands than her belly. " _Good because I want us to have this baby Jaz, we can do this I don't have a fucking clue how baby girl but I know we can do this together"_

" _Right now we are going to go home cuddle by the fire place laugh at McGuire while he tries to cook dinner and worry about these things tomorrow"_

" _You need rest Jaz we could be called out on a mission soon I don't want you stressed out, I'll take care of us"_

" _I'm going to have to be pulled aren't I?"_

" _Yea babe but not now promise me you won't take any risks that aren't necessary and I'll respect your wish to remain active until we can think of how we deal with this"_

" _I promise Adam Thank you baby"_

Leaning into her I rested my head against hers she closed her eyes I felt her eyelashes against my checks her tears mixed with mine. I wasn't sure how this was going to work, I was deeply afraid that I would have to be done with the Army before I was ready. I loved this life I loved traveling helping people I loved strategizing, being part of a team being a leader.

I was more afraid that Jaz would suffer a worse fate I know how hard she worked to get here, this wasn't fair that we both got into this mess and she would be discharged. Helping her up I held her close as I kissed the side of her head. She was shaking so bad I was afraid she would make herself sick. " _Sing to me baby sing to our baby you need to calm down"_

She looked at me like I was insane but I just smiled kissing her as she leaned into my chest thinking of a song. Slowly I felt her relax as she started singing her voice pure magic.

 _ **You're my soundproof room  
Where I let it all out  
You're never there to judge me  
When I'm full of doubt  
Held close to your pain  
You burn me body and soul  
I know heaven will be waiting  
When I lose control**_

 _ **And I'm out of my head  
Running blindly to you  
Caught in the moment with you**_

 _ **I breathe you in  
You're beautiful  
And angels fly to Babylon  
To save the world for you  
You loved me and I came alive  
All of me on fire  
Surrendered like I'm made of wax  
Your flame, the kiss of life**_

 _ **You're my voodoo man  
With your body in paint  
You'll always be my king  
My heart you can break  
I'm all flesh and blood  
And deep down I know  
That heaven is here waiting  
So I give you control**_

 _ **And I'm out of my head  
Running blindly to you  
Lost in this moment with you**_

 _ **I breathe you in  
You're beautiful  
And angels fly to Babylon  
To save the world for you  
You loved me and I came alive  
All of me on fire  
Surrendered like I'm made of wax  
Your flame, the kiss of life**_

 _ **If I fall I will break, I will shatter  
When I'm with you all that doesn't matter  
You're the everything I wanna know  
I look at you and I see gold  
If I fall I will break, I will shatter  
When I'm with you all that doesn't matter  
You're the everything I wanna know  
I look at you and I see gold**_

 _ **I breathe you in  
You're beautiful  
And angels fly to Babylon  
To save the world for you**_

 _ **I breathe you in  
You're beautiful  
And angels fly to Babylon  
To save the world for you  
You loved me and I came alive  
All of me on fire  
Surrendered like I'm made of wax  
Your flame, the kiss of life**_

 _ **You're my soundproof room  
Where I let it all out  
You're never there to judge me  
When I'm full of doubt**_

 **Lyrics by the Corrs Kiss Of Life**


	27. Chapter 27

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Jerusalem, Israel**

 **Date: 12/25/17**

 **P O V: Jaz**

" _No one takes any unnecessary risks these bastards aren't going to hesitate to kill on sight, we follow the plan to the last dot, is everyone clear on that? Yes Jaz this means you"_

Dalton's voice was dry but firm as he instructed us through our headpieces I was already on the fourth floor scouting the area. We were in another school the terrorists had struck again, I was going towards the gym where Patrica, Hannah and Noah had spotted three terrorists in there with at least twenty hostages all American/ British teenagers.

" _Jaz take it slow"_ Hannah's voice directed me " _Can you get a shot?" "Not from here Hannah can you get me to a better location?"_

" _Yes take the stairway up another floor there's a vent, if you can crawl through the ventilation system you can take out at least two of the guards, that leaves one which I'm sure you can take down easily once inside"_

" _Hannah it's complete darkness in here I can't see a damn thing even with my night vision mask"_

" _I got you Jaz take it slow easy keep to your right stay against the wall"_

" _Door is on your right"_

I felt for the door among the wall which was hot blazing with fire from the last two bombs which had gone off. " _I'm in Hannah"_ Coughing I could barely get my breath as I stumbled towards the vent. " _Six feet to your left Jaz"_

" _I'm in position Hannah I can see two of them where's the third?"_

" _Not sure Jaz hold fire"_

" _Okay we have visual on the third he's behind you you won't be able to get him now but if you move fast he won't even know when Baby snipes hits you'll be in before he knows what is happening"_

" _I'm ready Hannah"_

" _Execute in three...two...one execute"_

Shots filled the air as I jumped down into the gymnasium which was filled with smoke fire and screams, kids started scurrying to the exit as I ushered them out many were crying one girl fell so I scooped her up shoving her into the arms of a teenage boy hoping his parents raised him to be respectful and helpful and not a jackass like so many teen boys.

" _Help me!"_ The screams of a blond teenage girl stopped me in my tracks I spotted her about twenty feet away in the arms of my third bomber also a teenage boy his shaggy brown hair hung over his eyes which were glittering with pure hate and pure pride. He would have no issues taking her and me out in his quest for glory to please his god, so I did something I knew I should never do I put my weapon down.

My stomach fluttered as I felt my heart squeeze my little one deserved a chance at life she or he deserved to experience all the beauty and wonders of this world. I pictured him learning how to ride a horse riding a ATV boxing with his daddy. I saw her in her prom dress clutching her boyfriend or girlfriends nervous hands I saw her on stage singing her heart out learning how to play piano & guitar fingers blistering.

I wanted to see it all in reality I prayed I was doing the right thing, because as much as I wanted it all right now my job was to protect this young girl. This teenager was somebody's daughter somebody's sister niece, friend, she was going to be somebody's wife and mother someday. Providing she live through this that's why we were here it was our job to serve to protect to honor our country and the people who depended on us.

" _Let her go son you can have me, you want the glory there is no greater glory than taking out an American Soldier she's a kid, she won't bring you honor she won't earn your name place on the lists of greatness. I will"_

His smile was sick I felt it through my very soul I didn't want to die, I didn't want to get hurt, I knew it would be his greatest pleasure to bring down a wall of pain. If dying was what was asked of me though if my death would mean this blue eyed blond hair fifteen year old could get to go home listen to Justin Beiber, kiss her boyfriend, hug her parents and be grateful she was alive to see another day. Than I would do what was asked of me.

Soldiers don't do it for the money we don't rush into dangerous situations thinking about getting our names in the paper or hearing our accomplishments on the evening news. In fact Special ops soldiers hardly ever get the recognizing. Our jobs are highly classified we die everyday out here, no one will ever hear our name muttered out of the lips of any President or new anchor. He's blinded by the smoke so he doesn't see me circling back.

I'm doing this for every Stephen out there who's ever felt out of place, I'm doing this for the parents of these kids. Hard working people who pay their American Taxes who work long ass hours many at jobs they hate some at two or three jobs just to provide for their families. I'm doing it to honor those who died on 911, like my cousin Javen. I'm doing it for these kids who just wanted to go to one of the best schools to get an education they would never get anywhere else. They want to be successful they want to make a difference someday to give back to the country that makes them so great. it's why they went to schools out of state, countries spent holidays like Christmas away from family. They do it for the honor same as we do.

I've counted the costs inside my head I know what I am about to do it doesn't make it easier, I know Adam will be pissed, I just hope he can forgive me if this goes south. " _Patricia can you hear me?"_

" _Yes Jaz what's going on? We're losing visual"_

" _I have a problem"_

" _Jaz what is going on?"_

" _I need you to do something for me"_

" _Jaz your scaring me"_

" _Please tell Adam I love him and I'm sorry"_

" _Sargent Jasmine Khan fall back now!"_

He never saw me coming from behind not till I was tackling him wrestling her from his grasp she falls to her knees. " _Run!"_ I scream as he swings I barely have time to doge his fist I'm watching her as she jets towards the doors. Stopping for a brief second " _I'm Tiffany Thank you"_

I body slam him towards the bleachers he scrambles to his feet quicker than I thought he could. " _I'm Sargent Jasmine Khan I am an American Soldier Find Captain Adam Dalton!" Run now!"_

She slams through the doors which slam shut seconds before the explosion rips through the School it's so loud it feels like my head has been blown off. My body slams with such force through the metal bleachers I am sure I've broken at least half my bones. I scream in pain as fire shots through my body my hand fly's to my stomach as I taste the blood in my mouth feel my body convulse and the darkness take over. My last thoughts are of Adam I pray he makes it out safe and is able to go on with his life.


	28. Chapter 28

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 12/31/17**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

Medical Induced Coma, Possible Vision Loss, swelling, bruising inside her brain. Jaz had been on life support for over a week with no signs of improvement. How could this happen just when we were about to start a family?

So many emotions were raging through me anger at God for allowing this to happen, anger at Jaz I told her over and over not to take any unnecessary risks! Why didn't she listen to me! Didn't she get it? Didn't she understand her life was just as important just as valuable as that teenage girl?

Anger at myself for not being there to protect her, I was her boyfriend no her fiancee, I was her captain! It was my job. I failed her I failed our child.

Guilt I sent her in there knowing she was pregnant knowing these bastards would take her out without a blink of an eye.

Fear even though we weren't in the middle of the enemy fire anymore we were still in the war, Jaz's own body was shutting down, she had three brain surgeries to relieve intracranial pressure, remove shrapnel, drain fluid, a section of her cranium was removed and stored in a freezer until the swelling of her brain could subside the right side of her head was misshaped from the missing part of her cranium. She had tried to pull out the tubes while in the middle of a delirious moment which she's had a few. I sit here scared out of my mind holding her hand as I hear the hiss of the vent her chest rising, falling only because of those machines.

Shock after all that's happened I couldn't get a break from DIA I was stripped of my title of Captain, I was taken off Active Duty, the only reason I wasn't dishonorably discharged was because Patricia went to the commanding officers and fought for me.

" _Dalton"_ I jump when Patricia touches my shoulder lost in the memory of hearing that explosion knowing Jaz was still inside. Hearing Preach's voice as he finds her buried under the rubble blood pouring out of her mouth from her head. Lifeless no signs of breathing I can still see him carrying her out as my knees gave out.

" _She's strong Adam you have to have faith she will pull through she has to pull through"_

Patricia has been unwavering in her support, love everyday after work they come in a trio Patricia leading Hannah and Noah, even tonight New Years Eve when I'm sure Hannah and Noah could be at any party out with friends celebrating the fact they are alive, healthy and safe, awaiting the countdown for a fresh new awesome year filled with promises of love, adventure, friends.

" _She's been too strong for too long Patricia, maybe it's just too much, even the strongest have their breaking point"_

" _Not Jaz Adam"_ Hannah's voice was fierce when she answered for Patricia she's standing in front of me her hands gripping mine as she looks me dead in the eyes.

" _We will not lose Jaz so pull yourself together Adam because you look like shit, you smell horrible dude, go home get a shower, get some rest we are here, we will not leave Jaz alone"_

" _Yeah dude she's right Jaz will need you to be strong when she wakes up she'll be scared and in pain she'll need you to be focused and ready"_ McGuire is standing against the wall arms crossed he looks about as good as I do, all our team looks pretty rough. Preach is sitting in the corner with his oldest daughter who has been a saving grace to us, taking turns with A.J to bring us food, personal belongings.

" _Thanks guys but I can't leave Jaz"_

" _Adam this isn't a request now I am your boss I am ordering you to leave or I will have security escort you out, I have legal rights over Jaz since her parents refuse to come, as her boss I am responsible for her well being, right now that means doing what I know she would want done taking care of you"_

How could they ask me to leave her? Didn't they understand how much it pained me to be apart from her? She looked beautiful even under all those machines, her eyes were closed bandaged to protect them from the lights. Her hair laid scattered across her pillow her head was turned to the left towards the Vent which was doing the breathing for her. I took her hand which had a IV in it god that looked painful I could see her veins. She's filled with fluid making her face look puffy bruises and cuts line her face.

I lean down kissing her stomach feeling another emotion gratitude despite how dire it all seemed our baby was holding on, he or she was fighting for their right to live. Jaz was holding on so they could live. I kissed her face feeling tears run down my face.

" _We're home Jaz you have to keep fighting we're not over home plate but we're so damn close so keep swinging my love"_

" _I'm here I always will be"_ I softly sing to her I don't have a great voice but she loves music so I will do anything to show her how much I love her how much I need her, want her in my arms, in my heart in my embrace, in my life. She is my home, she is my heart. So is this baby she's carrying.

" ** _The storms are raging on a rolling sea,  
Down on the highway of regret.  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,  
You ain't seen nothing like me yet._**

 _ **I did make you happy, make your dreams come true,  
There's nothing that I would not do,  
Go to the ends of the earth for you  
To make you feel my love.  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love."**_

 **Lyrics are not mine they belong to Adele also I understand there is no way Jaz could still be pregnant after an explosion like this heck in reality she'd be dead, I'm not anywhere trying to be 100% correct in my medical knowledge this time something I am not really fond of because I do usually like to be accurate in my medical lingo, This time I am going for purely entertainment value sorry if this offends anyone but it is a fanfic.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 1/14/2018**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

Hemorrhaging- Emergency Surgery I was pacing her room which she had just been returned to anger and fear fueling every step it was after 11 pm. I was exhausted I needed her by my side I felt Hannah's hand slip into mine her head rest on the back of my shoulder. I knew she must be beat she had been pulling double duty all last week she was in the field to help McGuire, Preach and Amir who had gone back to work, this week she flew straight from Spain where they were currently to the DIA to pull her normal shift.

Patricia had gone for coffee leaving us alone in Jaz's room there was nothing to really say so we sat on the couch flipping through the TV channels nothing good was on this late at night. Patricia came back at some point taking the remote from our hands we were both pretty dazed.

" _Screw TV lets talk why don't we share our favorite memory of Jaz? I'm making a video to post on youtube I want people to know Jaz's story the world needs to see what you guys do the sacrifices you make, we won't go too heavy into details so we won't get into trouble, I want the American People to see that you are real people with real dreams, stories and lives"_

" _Dalton your up first"_

" _Easy the first time I saw her at Boot Camp she was creaming my brother at a rap battle"_

" _Jaz raps?"_ Both looked stunned I smiled as I nodded recalling that day how red my bro was how Jaz was grinning loving being up on the arms of those guys being hailed as a hero. I can still see the way she danced moving her hips as she got into her own beat. It killed me to know that just because we fell in love all she worked for could be taken away.

" _My favorite memory of Jaz"_ Patricia smiled laughing "W _as when I saw her in the K9 unit tearing a corporal's ass out because he had punished one of the dogs by not feeding it, she was only a private but she showed no fear in stepping up to a superior to call him out for abuse, she made such a scene it got all the majors involved, they ended up dishonorably discharging the Corporal and she went on a one women crusade to find a good home for this dog who was too old to be used anymore"_

" _Our own Megan Ryan"_ Hannah commented as we laughed " _That dog has been living happily in my apartment eating all my food"_ Patricia finished her story Hannah shock her head " _Sounds like our Jaz well mine is a non work story image that we have private lives to"_

" _Jaz,_ _I were both about to be_ _deployed again so she picked me up that night took me to a nightclub bought me a round of drinks and took my hand lead me to the dance floor, we just danced for hours we didn't need to talk, we hit on guys we knew we didn't have a chance with and ones who knew they didn't have a chance with_ _us_ _, just when they started to get too into it we left and hit up another nightclub"_

" _The best part was when we were out by the Washington monument it was July 4_ _th_ _so it was packed everyone was awaiting the fireworks bored and restless kids were complaining, so Jaz who was drunk off her cute ass got on top of the wall over the water and started dancing to the music playing entertaining the kids,_ Hannah started laughing hysterically tears rolling down her eyes.

" _She fell straight into the water and couldn't get up because she was so drunk, of course it was slippery everyone was laughing taking videos but instead of being_ _embarrassed_ _she laughed it up bowing_ _calling out her thank you's until the cops tried to arrest her ass"_

" _Jaz never once used her position as a soldier to try to get out of being in trouble she just apologized and promised to behavior, I had to drag her soaked drunk ass out of there both of us slipping the whole way we ended up in the park dancing under the moonlight, watching the fireworks"_

I saw Hannah start to break down suddenly so I reached over and pulled her into a hug she had been so strong for me, I think it just started to hit her that someone she loved someone who she had her own relationship, memories with was seriously hurt. 

Patricia got up going over to Jaz taking her hand I rubbed Hannah's back handing her a tissue picking her head up I wiped her tears away. " _She wouldn't want you to cry Hannah she wo-_ I never got to finish what I was saying because Hannah's lips were suddenly on mine. Shock filled every fiber of my being as I heard Patricia gasp " _Jaz!_ _Someone get help in here now!_ _"_

Coming out of the shock I pushed Hannah off she jumped back covering her mouth gasping out " _I'm so sorry!"_ Before bolting out of the room I raced up to see Jaz's body convulse for a few minutes before her hand went limp in Patricia's seconds later a loud wail filled the room.

The room was filled within minutes with medical teams as someone pushed an alarm shoving us out of the room Patricia grabbed my hand as I heard the overhead speaker blare out.

" _Code Blue MICU 22!"_

" _Code Blue MICU 22!"_


	30. Chapter 30

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 1/22/18**

 _ **P O V: Dalton**_

" _Hey Baby Girl I know your resting so you can heal I want you to heal sweetheart, I can't lie though this is so hard seeing you so hurt so still, it's killing me Jaz, I need to see you open those gorgeous eyes. I miss hearing your adorable laugh, I know you would hate this, hate being hooked to machines hate me waiting here like a pet dog for it's owner to pat it's head"_

Jaz still remains unresponsive as I hold her hand sitting by her side I haven't left since she went into cardiac arrest seven days ago. Her heart had stopped again they couldn't shock her not with her being pregnant so the nurses, the doctors had to do CPR the old fashioned way almost forty-five minutes they refused to quit. I can't even start to express my gratitude for their dedication their belief that Jaz was wroth it.

She hasn't proven them wrong slowly she's started to improve I had just met with her doctor yesterday and gotten some good news finally. _"_ _Well Adam I am pleased to tell you we have good news_ ** _the latest_** ** _Intracranial pressure monitoring_** **** ** _shows she's decreasing in pressure greatly. When Jaz came in she was reading at an alarming 50, we're now seeing her levels have decreased to 32"_**

 **" _Physical therapy has also noted she's improving with her muscle grading scale she's now measuring at a three she's responding to pain when simulated she just can't resist"_**

 **I still wasn't 100% sure what it all meant I just knew that she was improving that's all I needed to hear as I stroked her hair, combing it out so it was soft spread across her pillow.** **I gently kiss her hand which is warm taking out the nail polish A.J insisted I buy for her. I start to slowly paint her nails wondering if the fumes were good for our baby. The color is a light lilac Jaz isn't a girly girl by any means but she dose enjoy fixing herself up occasionally to go out for a night of fun with her girls. I blow on her nails so they dry faster. The color brings something out in her pale skin making her look so young, it makes me wish I had known Jaz when she was a teenager. I wonder what she was like just from her stories I get the feeling she wasn't the confident bad ass she is now. I wish I had known her so I could of told her everyday how beautiful she was how smart how strong. Maybe she would of never had started to hurt herself, maybe she wouldn't be so willing to risk her life, if she had been brought up to believe she was wroth living.**

 **They told me to keep doing what I was doing I would start to notice the signs that she was ready to come out of the coma. Keep talking to her watch her hands so I did she didn't squeeze back, they remained lifeless. Listen to her sounds they said all I heard was the hiss of those damn machines. Maybe if I sung to her it would get her to moan she knew I was an awful singer, which always made her cringe since she was amazing.**

 **What should I sing? Something funny? She wouldn't be able to laugh though not when on vent so that wouldn't be fair. I gently took her leg working on her physical therapy the way her therapists Nicole, Diana and Marc have shown me, she twitches this time, I feel my heart pump a little faster so I push just a little more. Was that a sign? Was it my eyes playing tricks on me?** Even without hearing her talking back I can feel her I can know what she would say if she could talk, she'd roll her eyes, she'd huff probably curse out that I was acting a fool and to pull my dick out of my hand put it back in my pants. I smile a little as I run a hand over the right side of her face which is still swollen and puffy but not as bad as a week ago.

 **"** ** _I won't leave Jaz no matter how much you would hate this I am here for you I love you, I know you will pull through this, I don't care what anyone else says, you and I have been alone for too damn long. We finally found each other we finally had a little slice of happiness, I won't let anyone take that away. I will hold your hand till you can squeeze it back so hard you break every bone, I will wipe away every tear every drool until you can do it for yourself"_**

 ** _ **Look in the mirror  
You're beautiful, so beautiful  
I'm here to remind you  
You're my only one, let me be the one  
To heal all the pain that he put you through  
It's a love like you never knew  
Just let me show you**_**

 **My hand feels a slight increase in pressure great it's cramping I don't want to let go of her hand though it feels so right inside of mine, so I shift to increase the blood supply but as soon as I try to adjust the position I feel a Resistance. Slowly I swallow feeling my body become heated it can't be can it?**

 **"** ** _Jaz baby can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes"_**

 **" _ **What if I fall (I won't let you fall)  
What if I cry (I'll never make you cry)  
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)  
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter  
What if I fall (I won't let you fall)"**_**

 **I have never been so happy to feel the pain in my hand as I am when she squeezes it tightly, I want to scream I want to start singing from the roof top, I know this is only the start however. So I swallow and remain calm softly singing to her stroking her hair, moving her arms, I don't want her to get bed sores or have her muscles become rigid**

 **" _ **What if I cry I promise I'll never make you cry  
And if I get scared (I'll hold you tighter)  
When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter"  
**_**

 **" _I'll never stop fighting for you Jaz even when you can fight for yourself I will always be here baby, but damn baby I miss you, I need to hear your sexy raspy voice feel your hands as they caress me in places they shouldn't but feel so damn amazing doing"  
_**

 **"** ** _ **I**_** ** _ **wanna believe that you got me baby  
I swear I do from now until the next life  
I wanna love, wanna give you all my hear**_** ** _ **t"**_** ** _ **  
**_**

 **Jaz made a strange startling crying noise which scared me her face cringed in pain, I jumped up placing my hands on her face steadying her.** ** _"Sweetheart my love shh it's okay baby girl settle down your safe I am here"_** **Her cries got worse tears fell down her face as her hands twisted swinging slightly. I pressed the call button hoping they'd come right away. Stroking her arms hands kissing her face squeezing her hand which I felt her grip mine tighter, god I hated seeing her in pain or afraid.**

 **The doors flew open as two nurses came racing in Austin and Cheyenne who have been angels to her over the last few weeks. They moved quickly assessing her calling for her doctor,** **I never left her side tears fell slowly down my face as I heard her moaning in pain, saw her thrashing while they talked to each other about her vitals.**

 **"** ** _Blood pressure 126/80 holding steady, Temperature 99.3"_**

 **Dr. Susan Georgaris came racing inside scrubbing in I had never seen people gown up glove up so fast I thought we were fast in the army they put us to shame.** **They slipped a needle into her right chest to loosen her muscles,** **than they slipped another needle into her arm I assume this was to help wake her up.**

 **" _Saturation 99"_**

 **" _Adam looks like we have some excellent news Jaz is trying to tell us it's time to get her out of this coma, so we're going to_** _ **Extubating her off the vent, this may become scary if you want to leave it's understandable and maybe best honestly"**_

 **" _I'm not leaving Dr. Georgaris and you know this so let's not waste any time my girl is telling us it's time than it's time let's not keeping her waiting Jaz isn't a very patient person"_**

 **"** _ **Alright Adam now if we take the vent off and Jaz can't breathe on her own**_ _ **we will need to reinturbate**_ _ **this could become scary when she first tries to breathe on her own she may gasp even jump, you may hear her gargle or even sound like she's chocking, she may vomit this is all normal"**_

 **I wanted to tell her it may be normal for her but not in my world, I kept silent as I watched them work, the room had filled up quickly two nurses held her arms, legs down while two worked with the doctor to take the tube out. There is nothing pretty about witnessing this, it made me sick to see them holding her down hear her moaning even gasping as they pulled out the long flex tubing which had been helping her breathe. The monitors dinging medical staff talking their lingo I couldn't understand all I could see was her face red from pain her body thrashing, jerking. My throat swollen from fear, pain and tears unable to talk to her. All I could do was squeeze her hand and hope she understood I was here, I** **am in love with** **her and I am fighting for her.**

 **"** _ **Deep breath Jaz it's coming out you can do this, we've seen you fighting for weeks, let's give Adam here some good news. You have an amazing man here waiting for you anxiously"**_

 **The tube came out as I heard her gurgle her body twitching as they held her turning her as she threw up Austin quickly suctioned her, I held my breathe praying running my hands over her flushed skin** _ **. "**_ _ **O**_ _ **pen your mouth Jaz say Ah cough you can do it baby deep breath cough"**_ **They slipped oxygen over her as she tried to fight them off I moved quickly to her side as they cleaned her up. My heart was racing** _ **"Talk to her Adam help calm her down"**_

 **What should I say? Could anything I say really make a difference? I couldn't breathe right, I felt shaky my legs felt like they couldn't hold me. Cheyenne quickly grabbed me a chair helping me to sit down handing me a glass of water. "** _ **Breathe Adam breathe darling the worst is hopefully over she's breathing on her own, soon she'll wake up, you just need to breathe and keep talking to her she's a fighter"**_

 **I sipped the cool liquid feeling a little better it was hard seeing her like this though.** **Just breathe Adam just breathe one deep slow breath at a time. You can do this you can help her fight for herself for your child. One breath at a time.**

 **"** _ **Jaz baby can you hear me?"**_ **For a tense moment there was no squeeze than I felt it softer this time she was worn out, yet I felt it which made me smile. She can hear me she can truly hear me and she's responding. I felt like angels had taken my heart and were lifting them up. I didn't even her the door open or hear the footsteps until I felt the hand on my shoulder, I didn't realize I was crying openly till I felt Patricia wipe away my tears, wrap her arms around my shoulders. Her checks wet against mine a mixture of both our tears not sad tears though happy tears.**

 **"** _ **Our girls on her way Dalton we just have to keep fighting for her"**_

 **Patricia's voice started out soft as she took Jaz's hand the same one I was holding, Jaz was still out cold her face titled towards us, eyes covered by white bandages. Her breathing slower now softer as we talked to her Patricia started to sing a lovely song.**

 _ ** **Oh, oh, it must have been cold there in my shadow  
To never have sunlight on your face  
You were content to let me shine, that's your way  
You always walked a step behind****_

 _ ** **So I was the one with all the glory  
While you were the one with all the strength  
A beautiful face without a name, for so long  
A beautiful smile to hide the pain****_

 **That fit Jaz perfectly a beautiful smile which always tried to prove how strong she was even when she was dying inside she never let anyone see it. God she would hate this lying here broken, having us stand vigil.**

 _ ** **Did you ever know that you're my hero?  
And everything I would like to be  
I can fly higher than an eagle  
For you are the wind beneath my wings****_

 _ ** **It might have appeared to go unnoticed  
But I've got it all here in my heart  
I want you to know, I know the truth, 'cause I know you  
I would be nothing without you"****_

 **Getting up I went over kissing her check stroking her other as I softly talked to her trying to calm her down. She didn't need any more stress, I placed one hand on her stomach. "** _ **I've heard it said that people come into our lives  
For a reason bringing something we must learn, we are led to those who help us most to grow. If we let them And we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I know you. I need you Jaz I love you I can't wait to start our brand new life together, me you and our little Gravity" **_**My fingers rubbed over her stomach Gravity it wasn't a real name for a child but right now that's what she or he was to me, this little fetus or person I wasn't sure what stage this peanut was at yet, all I knew was that just the thought of their existence was like gravity holding me to this ground.**

 **"** _ **Like a ship blown from its mooring** **b** **y a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird. In a distant wood  
Who can say ****i** **f I've been changed for the bette** **r** **? Because I kn** **o** **w yo** **u. I can Jaz I can say with 100% knowledge I have. I won't even picture life without you, so take the time you need sweetheart I will be the lighthouse awaiting when your ship lands on shore"**_

 **I gently kiss her eyelids feeling everything start to crash down I don't want her to see me break down not if she can truly hear me, Patricia seems to understand I need space so she takes her place by Jaz's bedside closer singing softly as she unclasps my hand which doesn't want to let go she motions to the door as she moves closer sitting on Jaz's bed. I am taken back by the intimacy at which she easily steps in, I almost feel out of place like I just interrupted a mother, daughter who knew each other their whole lives.**

 **My back barely falls against the wall to the private waiting room where I have been sleeping over** **the last few weeks** **the tears crash down in waves, my body crashes as I slam my fists into the floor. Why am I breaking down now? Jaz is on her way to recovery I should be shouting for joy not nearly screaming yet that's what I am doing curling up into a ball as all my fears, frustrations overpower me.**

 **I can't stand this feeling, I hate feeling helpless powerless, it's all I've been feeling since Jaz was injured.** **Like a comet pulled from orbit Jaz is my center my gravity. Without her I feel like that lost comet just flying through the hemisphere.**

 **I need my Jaz to make it through this life grabbing the pillow I stuff my face into the soft oblivion letting out a scream so powerful my whole body jerks from fright. I have no idea how long I cry and scream for it's awhile I know that eventually my body gives in to the exhaustion as I feel my eyes close I see her smile so beautiful so bright, I see those eyes leading me home. I feel my muscles relax my breathing ease, there's a soft breeze where did that come from?**

 **Was Jaz telling me something? Or Evan?**


	31. Chapter 31

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 1/23/2018**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

' _Hannah feels horrible Adam she was over come with emotion she was destroyed with guilt she wasn't thinking man, can't you cut her some slack?"_ Noah had been pleading her case for over an hour now as we sat in a coffee shop a block away from Washington DC VA Medical Hospital with my sister A.J.

" _Guilt why was she guilty? She wasn't there with us when Jaz was hurt"_

" _No but she was captured she was craved up she went through hell, she feels like she got out lucky in a way"_

Part of me was still fuming at Hannah yet another part of me softened when I heard why she was beating herself up, " _She's not sleeping Adam she's not eating she's been crying, she can't focus, Patricia ordered her to undergo a physic eval before she's even allowed back to work, she can't live with the fact she betrayed Jaz and maybe lost you both as friend_ _s_ _"_

" _Maybe Hannah should of gone to a damn doctor before she kissed my brother who is already engaged"_

" _A.J with all due respect you are not a vet you have no idea what we go through"_

" _No disrespect Noah but neither are you your a desk agent you aren't out there risking life or limb like my brother and sister in law"_

" _She's not your sister in law"_

" _She is if I say she is"_

" _Enough both of you Noah I will talk to Hannah when I have time right now my focus is my fiancee and child"_

" _Adam on that subject"_ A.J twirled her ring on her finger biting her lip " _There are decisions that have to be made, Jaz hasn't woken up yet, she may never wake up, once she gives birth you might have to consider"_

" _A.J stop I will not even consider letting her go"_

" _Adam she isn't Jaz she's just a vegetable"_

" _She has brain activity she responds to simulation so stop A.J this is my choice and Patricia's not yours"_

I left them there to bicker jogging to the hospital why did everyone want to give up on Jaz? Didn't they get how fierce and brave she is? By the time I got to her room I had cooled off in fact I was chuckling as I hung up my jacket talking to her, I haven't stopped talking to her or singing to her the entire time.

" _Baby you have no idea how people underestimate you"_

" _Who are you why are you calling me baby?"_

I jumped startled by the strange voice doing a double take I made sure I was in MI 22, I was but that wasn't Jaz in the bed.

My breath knocked out my balance off I spun looking for a nurse a doctor anybody who could tell me where the hell Jaz was? Why was there a stranger in her bed. What had happened to my girl? Was she rushed to Surgery again? Was the baby in trouble?

If anything happened to her I would never forgive myself for leaving her.


	32. Chapter 32

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 1/23/2018**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

" _Adam there you are!"_ Patricia's voice called to me from down the hall my feet took on their own beat as I raced to her, my heart sinking to my stomach. Why wasn't she in the ICU? " _Come Quick Jaz woke up they moved her to SICU they had an opening"_

" _I called you Adam you didn't pick up"_ Checking my phone I cursed when I saw it was on vibrate " _She woke up twenty minutes ago you just missed them coming into move her, they came five minutes after you left to meet Noah"_

" _She's awake? Really? Is she okay? Is she scared? Hurting?"_

" _Yes, Yes again, the doctors are checking her over now, she was scared but I calmed her down and yes she's hurting it's to be expected"_

I couldn't believe it was real my girl was awake finally after almost a month she was awake! I stopped in the doorway seeing Jaz sitting up her eyes were still bandaged, a nurse I didn't know was helping her with ice chips from a cup holding it for her. She turned to me " _Adam baby where were you?"_ Her voice sounded so strained hoarse different than before slow was it from the tube or the injury? Either way it was music to my ears. " _Jaz baby I am so sorry I left to get coffee I am so sorry I will never leave you again, are you in pain? What do you need?'_

" _I'm Deanna I'll be her nurse if you have any questions she's been talking about you non stop"_ I shock the nurse hand thanking her as I kissed Jaz's face, her hand which was black and blue from so many sticks. _"I feel like a bomb went off"_

" _Well baby I am so glad you think that's funny, I see your sense of humor is still intact"_

" _Yup it's_ _explosive as always"_

" _Seriously Jaz enough with the jokes they are not the bomb"_

" _Boom you sunk me Adam"_ She laughed with me for a few minutes before she started coughing badly I helped her to sit up rubbing her back, feeding her more ice chips. The coughing fit exhausted her so she closed her eyes holding my hand. For the next few hours Patricia and I held her hands as she drifted in and out of sleep they gave her medication which helped her ease her pain.

By the morning she was more alert I held her hand as they removed the bandages from her eyes I felt her tension radiating off her in waves. " _Jaz I want you to follow my finger with only your eyes"_ Dr. Reid held up his two weeks. _"Jaz do you understand?" "Yes when are you starting?" "I started already can you see my fingers?"_ My breath sucked in when I felt her tremble " _No I can't see anything"_

" _Alright Jaz we're not going to panic you suffered a very serious Traumatic Brain Injury it may take time for your brain to fully heal, everyone suffers different symptoms will keep testing, will work on vision therapy I do not want you to become discourage or panic, please don't think this is forever, will get to the bottom of this"_

Dr. Reid squeezed both our hands before leaving to order tests I could feel Jaz's body shaking her fear very plausible. I moved closer to wrap her in my arms. " _Easy for him to say I know Jaz it's not him who can't see"_ She laid her head on my chest so I stroked her shoulders blowing kisses on her head. " _You know me so well Adam" "Of course I do baby girl I am your man, a real man knows his women inside, out"_

" _Am I still your women?"_

" _Babe why would you even question that?"_

" _I'm not the one you fell in love with Adam everything is different now"_

" _Your right our lives have taken a different turn one neither of us excepted but life isn't about dancing through sunny days, it's about learning to dance through the rain the storms. I love you Jaz I am not going anywhere"_

" _Adam I don't want you to feel obligated just because I am pregnant, Adam I am still pregnant aren't I?"_

The panic in her face in her voice is heartbreaking her hand sliding to her stomach god she thinks she miscarried and I am keeping it from her staying by her side out of pity. Instantly I kiss her hands which stay on her stomach. " _Yes baby you are we're almost fourteen weeks pregnant our baby is healthy and fighting like crazy just like his or her mama"_ The relief that fills her delicate face almost stops my heart I pull her face closer to mine kissing her lips lightly enough to relax her.

For a few minutes we lay there in silence just holding each other she's unhooked from all machines now except oxygen which she uses only when she starts to feel tight chested or winded. Gently my fingers stroke her hair her face which is still swollen but not as bad.

" _Adam"_

" _Yes baby?"_

" _I..._ She seems hesitant to ask whatever it is that she wants to ask. _"I have to pee badly I don't think I can make it by myself" "You don't have to do anything by yourself sweetie I am right here"_

Getting her up was slow her legs very sore and unstable from inactivity for the last month I pressed the call bell thankful when two nurses came in within minutes. They let me take the lead Jaz wrapping her arm around my shoulders as I bore the weight of her tiny body which fell limply against mine.

Her legs were virtually useless unable to support her at all so I did it leading her into the bathroom helping her to remove her underwear and panties, she trusted me which helped me to make it less awkward for her. Gently I held her back with my right arm as I lead her left hand to grip the counter. She lowered herself slowly using her free hand to feel for the back of the toilet.

" _Adam"_ Her sweet voice was soft filled with shame even though she couldn't see she still looked down embarrassed. " _Yes babe?" "How am I suppose to…._ She let the sentence trail off but I got her question taking the paper from the roll. Kissing her forehead sliding it into her hand guiding it below. " _You let me help you until you can do it on your own, that's what being partners is all about my love"_

Jaz's journey was rocky over the next few weeks she endured so many tests I couldn't keep them all straight she improved steadily her vitals held strong the pressure in her brain decreased through five more surgeries she started physically/ occupational therapy, intense cognitive rehabilitation program she was moved out of ICU to a progressive care unit.

My main worry now was her vision which was still impaired everyday they were running test after test on her, was it damage to her cornea's or brain damage they hadn't found yet? She's learned how to bathe herself, feed herself, dress herself which weren't easy but I held her hand steady helping her guiding her, cleaning her up when she missed. The worst issue is learning how to walk again with no sight to guide her she's loses her balance easily, I've been there helping her holding her up kissing her comforting her when she falls. Encouraging her rubbing her belly, shoulders, feet anything that hurt. I rubbed cool cloths over her face, neck which helped her feel less oily. I elevated her legs when the swelling hurt her.

She was getting stronger and bigger now at almost 21 weeks pregnant she was starting to show every night we lay awake going over names that we thought would be pretty for a girl or strong for a boy. Ones that had special meanings to us. Our beautiful baby was now 8 and a half inches, and weighs ten ounces still a little underweight but they were getting bigger, stronger as Jaz's appetite increased with the help of supplements and my willingness to get her anything at any time in the day or night, if it wasn't me it was Patricia or Noah.

At night is when her fears/ nightmares take over while we cuddle in bed, I refused to leave her side, the nurses gave up long ago trying to make me. " _What if this isn't temporary what if I am permanently blind?"_

" _Than we will get through Jaz we will find a new normal, I will be with you"_

" _What if I never see our baby's smile or first steps?" What kind of mother will that make me?"_

" _A loving mom because you don't need vision to shower a child with love, devotion what you lack in vision my love you will make up for in waves of home baked cookies, endless tickle fits, singalongs, story telling. Your heart is full of love, laughter an explosive sense of humor and compassion, you will teach our kid right from wrong, hold their hand when they get shots wipe their tears when they fall cheer the loudest at their games or concerts"_

" _Concerts and games I'll never see you mean?"_

My heart broke for her as I felt her body shake I wished I could take away her pain ease her fears, but I couldn't because they were mine to all I could do was hold her kiss her and wish to god he would ease her pain after all she did for this country his country how could he do this to her? I did the only thing I know that calm her, I sang to her.

 _ **In my life  
She has burst like the music of angels  
The light of the sun  
And my life seems to stop  
As if something is over  
And something has scarcely begun.**_

 _ **In my life  
There is someone who touches my life  
**_

 _ **A heart full of love  
A heart full of song**_

 **Lyrics belong to Les Miserables**


	33. Chapter 33

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C Army Medical Center**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

 **Date: 3/17/18**

Jaz had been moved to a Rehab center slightly over a month ago she was making so much progress even her doctors were shocked. Patricia, Noah and I decorated her room with her favorite sayings, posters and pictures. She had a roommate as well a young women named Sargent Kelli Longing she's 24 she was injured when a roadside bomb went off under her Humvee she lost her right arm and both legs.

Her husband Kyle comes everyday to stay by her help her his resilience has given me strength to know that this is possible they have two young kids Casey and Zach who love their mom regardless of what she lost to them she's still mommy. I hope it helps Jaz see that her injuries don't make her less of a women or less of an amazing mom. I can't tell some days though she's never been one to express her feelings verbally some days she seems to be upbeat hopeful other days I catch her staring off I know she can't see where she's looking but I can see the sadness in her eyes, she's starting to look better physically but she still feels broken. I know she misses being in action we both do.

" _Jaz can you talk to me babe? I hate feeling like your taking this all inside alone, I can tell your sad, this isn't just pregnancy hormones"_

" _I just hate that you had to suffer because of me Adam, you loved your career, you gave it all up for me, you shouldn't of"_

" _Jaz I made a choice I do not regret it, I will never regret standing by my love"_

" _Even when your going to a job everyday that you hate, I know you'll never be happy behind a desk, I know you'll be amazing at it, but I want you to be more than amazing baby I want you to be happy"_

" _I will be honey work is just that it's a job you are my happiness you and this beautiful creation we created, as long as I am able to provide for you, our child, I will be thrilled, don't get me wrong I miss the guys, I miss our team, yeah I'll miss the action, but life is all about the journey and that was part of the journey now we start a new part"_

Kissing her stomach I gasped when I felt our baby kick she grimaced it's happened to her before but this is the first time I've felt it. _"I think he's a boy damn he's kicking as hard as you do when your on top of me" "I can't help it baby you excite me"_

" _You really think it's a boy?"_

" _Would that make you happy Adam a son?"_

I thought about that dream I had about a little boy asking me to play baseball with him. " _Yes it would every man wants a son to help shape guide and bond with, but I would love a daughter just as much"_ Kissing her nose I rubbed her shoulders and neck which ached her. I could tell by the way she tried to shift her weight towards me. Hearing her sigh happily I was glad she had a little relief.

" _Adam what if I can't ever work again? I don't think I can take sitting around all day"_

" _One day at a time Jaz your getting stronger you've learned how to bathe, feed yourself you've relearned how to walk, you can learn anything you set your mind to, Patricia is going to work with her boss to keep you listed as an active soldier, you won't ever return to the front lines baby, but there are jobs out here, when you are ready there will be options."_

" _Why do I feel so confused than? Why do I feel so hopeless? I know she's fighting for me, I just I feel like no one understands they look at me, they don't see the physical injures anymore it's all in here"_ She points to her eyes, head. I kiss each place she points to feeling her pain as if it were my own. " _It's not like physical therapy Adam when I was doing that I can feel the bones mending the muscles getting stronger. Even when I was talking to the shrink I can feel myself breaking down or feeling hopeful I can feel progress, I can feel decreasing I always felt like I could get stronger, better, this baby is so different I am working so hard doing what they ask of me and more, I just I can't …_

She started to break down so I pulled her closer rubbing her back feeling my own chest tighten. It's so much harder to be the one who's watching someone else struggling than to be the one struggling. It's like being a prisoner inside her head, no one else can see her pain or her fears except her.

I hate it, I wish I could take it all away.

The arrival of Patricia a few hours later helped her she came in with Noah who carried a bag form her favorite bakery. She kissed Jaz's face rubbing her arm " _How ya feeling today babes?" "Not so good emotionally honestly" "Honesty is good Jaz it will help you heal why aren't you feeling so good?" "I feel useless, like I won't be able to provide for this baby or ever be able to work again"_ _"_ _It's overwhelming Jaz I understand our whole world has changed, I promise you though you will have a job I am working on it, you need to focus on your health and having a healthy baby, work will be there when your ready"_

" _Patricia can I ask you something?"_

" _Anything Jaz"_

" _Why did they only go after Adam and not me?"_

" _Who?"_

" _DIA you threatened us both so why him not me?"_ Patricia shot me a look even though Jaz couldn't see it she sensed it " _What isn't being told to me?"_

" _Jaz you lost your title, you lost your accommodations, I fought to keep you enlisted so you could receive the treatment you would need, I was able to keep your insurance but you lost everything else, Adam was suppose to tell you, I guess he was waiting for a better time"_

" _So if I lost it all how can there be a job for me?"_

" _Same reason he still has a job, because I don't believe in this bullshit love is love, love shouldn't be judged labeled or given limitations, I fought you two to keep you apart so you didn't have to face this hypocritical bullshit. You didn't listen of course so now we're here, you've lost too much already both of you I will be dammed if you lose anymore"_

" _Thank you Patricia and Adam your in deep shit is there anything else you need to tell me?"_

I swallowed should I tell her about Hannah? I looked at Patricia and Noah who both nodded man up Adam Noah's eyes seemed to be saying, I'm not sure why I didn't kiss her, deep breath Adam.

" _There's one more thing"_

" _What is it?"_ She tensed up I pulled her closer to show her I wasn't guilty " _A few months ago when you were in a coma we were all sharing our favorite memories of you"_

" _Oh my death vigil nice"_

" _Jaz be nice it was an emotional time for all of us, Hannah she didn't take it well"_

" _Where is Hannah?"_

" _She's on a mission she's been an apart of Ops 7 for awhile now she's really liking being back in the field"_ Noah saved us all glaring at me. " _I was starting to think she was mad at me" "No but she thinks your mad at her" "What why?" "Because she kissed me"_

" _SHE WHAT?"_

I finished telling her watching as her face showed all her emotions shock, anger sadness before she replied slowly. _"I didn't live through this to get jealous or angry I think Hannah is like me she doesn't do emotional well_ _w_ _e can't afford to wear our hearts on our sleeves, we're in a war zone, we're facing shit most women will never have to, we have to be tougher stronger, that comes with a price, I feel bad for Hannah she must be hurting, so she sought comfort in the person who knew me best, it doesn't make what she did right, but I don't think she did it to be malicious. I want to talk to her Patricia I want her to know I am not mad, Adam is mine she has no right to make any moves on him, but I didn't go through being used as a human bomb to not see that there are truly evil people in this world ones who use children as human bombs. Hannah isn't evil just confused and hurt. We all have a little of that we all find ways to deal sometimes their not right. If she's truly sorry she can call me we can talk"_

" _Adam be honest you didn't kiss her back right?"_

" _No baby the only lips I ever want to kiss are these right here"_ With her permission I gently pressed mine to hers feeling her open her mouth wide allowing me one of the sweetest pleasures in life. I had excepted her to be angry or get jealous like when I told her about Sarah on the beach months before instead she showed me once again just how pure how sweet her heart really is.

She didn't deserve to be blind, to be hurt scared or confused. I guess we don't always get what we deserve in life though, sometimes we are just given what we are given and we have to adapt and learn just like god letting the rain fall on the just and unjust, we have to learn how to dance over the puddles. We are here we can make a difference with our attitudes our examples. We can't live in regrets or anger, we can leave footprints of examples for our children for our future generations, Jaz is leading by showing us kindness and forgiveness aren't as hard as we make them out to be. She's leaving her mark to show that her life matters, Hannah's feelings matter, Trust matters without trust there was no way she would of let this go, she knew I'd never betray her. We all want to know we meant something in someone's hearts, that's proof we are able to touch someone change their life in even the smallest insignificant ways. We don't always need rockets blaring songs lyrics with our names on Marquees. Just knowing that someone loves us enough to fight for us trust us and be there that's proof we brought someone happiness, that's making a difference because you never know what that little happiness could mean to the other person.


	34. Chapter 34

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **P O V: Adam Dalton**

 **Date: 7/15/2018**

" _Welcome Home Baby"_ I pulled her into my embrace as we stood on the back porch of our new home in the country side of Washington D.C. Preach owned property in which his house stood on so he gave me his blessing to build a new house, we were only a few feet away from his place so his wife and kids could be there in a moments notice if Jaz ever needed anything while I was at work, in a few days I would start at the DIA as a mission management coordinator made possible through the grace of Patricia.

A.J was moving in with us as well, we had no idea if Jaz's vision would ever return but we weren't letting it stop us we were getting married in a few days, our baby was due at the end of this month. She was still recovering still suffering headaches, nose bleeds, her left arm was still weak from nerve damage.

She amazes me everyday with her compassion her strength her love her insight she made mental notes everyday as she learned her way around our new house, she found her way around with humor, hell I was still tripping in the dark, she handled it with grace. We cooked dinner together we fed each other, we kissed over candlelight, than we swung slowly on the porch swing she was big now, I enjoyed placing my ear on her stomach talking to our baby, kissing her belly laughing as our baby kicked, which she would always gasp this cute little sound escaping her delicate Delicious lips.

Tonight Preach's girls/ Nathan's kids were chasing fireflies as they sprinkled each other with the hose their wives were on the chair next to us a few feet away staring at the stars, A.J was on her cell laying on a blanket next to Noah. I couldn't help but think what a cute couple they made. Patricia was sitting on the beam leaning over to talk to Noah & Amir's fiancee's.

We enjoyed the sound of nature Jaz's head laying on my chest she was taking it all in, I wondered if Preach's wife was thinking of him wondering if he was safe, it's got to be hell not knowing where your husband is, what he is doing, if he will ever come home.

" _It's true in away when you lose one sense your others become stronger because you learn to rely on them"_

" _Is it baby?"_

" _Yeah my hearing is sharper now I can hear the littlest sounds try closing your eyes for a few minutes Adam"_ She kissed my eyelids " _Every rustle becomes clearer"_ She was right I heard the wind sharper, I heard the crickets with such intensity I almost thought there was one sitting on my damn head, I acutely swatted she couldn't see it but she sensed it which made her laugh.

Hearing her laugh felt amazing I kissed her nose cuddling her to me " _God I love you Jaz"_

" _You mean you love my huge tits"_

" _No their not that big Jaz that's your ego thinking your bigger than you are"_

" _Oh I hope our daughter has a man that treats her better than you treat her mom cause if not I am getting that shot gun ready and I will snipe his ass vision or no vision"_

" _Oh so you think we're having a little girl?"_

She shrugged becoming silent yawing as she ran her hands over my shoulders down my arms.

" _I hope you don't regret this Adam"_ Her mood had shifted from playful to sad which is one thing that concerns me and makes me angry, she should be happy she shouldn't have to be worried or scared while pregnant she deserved an easy time, to experience that glow and happiness most women feel.

" _Regret what love?" "Giving up a job you love to babysit me"_

" _Jaz listen to me I am not babysitting you I am in love with you we are taking vows soon, I promise you I am not taking them out of pity or commitment to our child, I am making them because I can't, I don't want to imagine my life without you, without our baby"_

" _Where do you think our child will end up in life? Do you want them to follow in our footsteps and join the military?"_

" _Honestly Jaz no but I will support him or her in whatever they chose"_

" _I take it back Adam if we do have a daughter I hope she snags a man even halfway as amazing as you are to her mama"_

" _She better Jasmine or I'll go Bruce Lee on his ass"_

We laughed loudly as we held each other she laid down drained from the simple act her eye closing as she hummed a tone. _"I know that song!"_ Cassidy Preach's middle daughter called out as the kids scrambled up starting to sing, A.J and Noah came over sitting on the steps.

 _ **I lit a fire with the love you left behind  
And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside  
I followed your ashes into outer space  
I can't look out the window, I can't look at this place**_

 _ **I can't look at the stars  
They make me wonder where you are  
Stars, up on Heaven's boulevard  
And if I know you at all,  
I know you've gone too far  
So I, I can't look at the stars**_

 _ **All those times we looked up at the sky  
Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly  
And now I'm all alone in the dark of night  
The moon is shining but I can't see the light**_

 _ **And I can't look at the stars  
They make me wonder where you are  
Stars, up on Heaven's boulevard  
**_

I thought of all the ones we've lost too young Evan, Steve, N'aci. Marcus, Nathan. I wondered if they we're up in heaven staring down roasting marshmallows taking bets on what we would have. I kissed Jaz's head grateful we didn't lose her.

 _ **And if I know you at all,  
I know you've gone too far  
So I, I can't look at the stars**_

 _ **Stars  
Stars, they make me wonder where you are  
Stars up on Heaven's boulevard  
And if I know you at all,  
I know you've gone too far  
So I can't look at the stars**_

 **Lyrics belong to Grace Potter**


	35. Chapter 35

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C**

 **Date: 7/22/2018**

 **P O V: Joseph McGuire**

" _Damn Jaz you look beautiful"_ Patricia was crying openly hugging her as I spun her slowly in her wedding dress, which was designed by Nathan's wife she owns her own bridal shop, she personally denoted everything to Jaz and Adam for their wedding today.

It pained me to know she couldn't see a damn thing it wasn't right she almost gave her life to protect this country why should she lose her vision, there are so many evil people in this world who deserve a world of pain, Jaz is not one of them.

Preach, Amir, Hannah, I had gotten in late last night we were pretty beat but nothing would stop us from attending. I was honored to be his best man, Preach was officiating the ceremony, Patricia was Jaz's maid of honor, A.J, Preach's girls and Nathan's daughter her bridesmaids. Hannah was so nervous to talk to Jaz yet she was here owning up to what she did talking to Jaz while we waited for the ceremony to start.

It was small just family, friends Amir was walking Jaz down the aisle he looked so proud and so damn nervous I had to laugh. He almost tripped going down and he had his vision Jaz stood smiling shaking her head as she helped him up, not easy for her to do nine months pregnant.

Their vows were hand written simple but beautiful when Preach announced them Man and Wife Patricia screamed the loudest, we all stood up throwing rice and cheers. Jaz ducked laughing throwing herself against Adam's chest.

After a few hours of talking to guests I stole her away to walk to the coffee shop a few doors down, I held her arm as we laughed over Amir's graceful walk down the Aisle. I was just so amazed to see her not only standing and laughing but glowing.

Joking with her you would never know she had almost died a few months ago she was healed physically except her vision. I couldn't stop touching her face or holding her hand anything to stop the images of seeing her in Preach's arms covered in half her body's blood arm dangling chest unmoving. I know I annoyed her when she slapped my hand away and threatened to chop it off and feed it to her future dog. So I did my best to control myself.

When she got up to use the bathroom since she peed every ten minutes now, I went to the jukebox maybe music would help me relax, I had some major decisions to make, Preach had confided in me that he was ready to retire he wanted to see his girls grow up he wanted to be there as they grew. Losing Nathan almost losing Jaz it shock us all up, Amir was thinking about going to Washington and taking a job in DIA like Adam, which left me with choices, I love what I do, but I'm starting to think it might be time to switch get married settle down a little.

I wanted to talk to Jaz see what she thought she had no choice but to give up field work did she wish it was different though? Was she happy? Did she regret any of it? She would never be recognized by the us government for her sacrifices, they refused to even admit she was hurt in an official mission.

" _Watch where your going you stupid bitch"_

I spun to see some teenage jerk had shoved Jaz so hard she fell against the counter grabbing her stomach a quick glance told me she had lost her balance falling into him knocking his coffee onto the floor.

Anger floored me as I raced to her side. Before I could open my mouth to curse this asshole out the guy behind the counter stepped forward. He and Adam had become friends over the last few months.

" _This young women is the definition of an American Hero she lost her vision she almost lost her life defending the rights of over spoiled self indulgent kids just like you, so if you can't stand up like a real man apologize and accept that fact that she accidentally knocked your precious four dollar coffee over, than you can get the hell out of my shop and never come back, because I have nothing but respect, admiration for these fine men, women who give their all to defend people they've never met"_

" _Apologize please this bitch should be kissing my feet so I don't sue her fat klutzy ass I am so sick of these stupid vets coming back thinking we owe them something I didn't make her ass join the military she choose that, so don't except sympathy from me you little bitch"_

I didn't see who threw the first punch but someone came from behind grabbing the kid dragging him out of our faces. My hands were clamped no one could grasp my thoughts the rage that burned inside of me seeing the look of shame and anger on Jaz's gorgeous face. Just once was it too much to ask for her to have one simple day when she didn't hurt?

Veterans have such a hard time adjusting to civilian life after returning from war as it is as of September 2014, there are about 2.7 million Veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars (compared to 2.6 million Vietnam veterans who fought in Vietnam; there are 8.2 million "Vietnam Era Veterans" (personnel who served anywhere during any time of the Vietnam War)

According to RAND, at least 20% of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans have PTSD and/or Depression. (Military counselors I have talked to state that, in their opinion, the percentage of veterans with PTSD is much higher; the number climbs higher when combined with TBI.

19% like Jaz have TBI Traumatic Brain Injuries. Some never recovery fully she was luckier than most.

As of 2008 the army Rate for Suicide exceeded the Civilian Statistics.

In 2016 there were over 430, 000 Veterans unemployed not by choice not because they are lazy because people simply do not want to hire vets.

More than 25% of returning Soldiers will find themselves homeless.

I pulled Jaz closer to me feeling her pain how could people be so cruel so ignorant there were men and women some as young as 18 years old risking their lives every day they spend months, years away from family and friends, knowing they might not make it home. Those who do make it home most are never the same we carry the tattoos and scars in our memories forever we carry them on our skin, in our hearts, we remember every loss, we remember every mistake we made, every risk we did or didn't take which resulted in a bad mission.

Yet this is the thanks we get it makes me wonder why I do it? A few people slowly came over to us thanking us for our service one women asked if she could touch Jaz's stomach which I know freaked her out but I squeezed her hand. She allowed the women who said a prayer blessing her baby, thanking her for her service and assuring her if she ever needed anything she was always welcome in her beauty shop on Madison Drive.

Jaz was exhausted I could see it on her face so I kissed her head rubbing her shoulders suggesting we get back she nodded wearily just as I felt a gush of liquid run down my leg. " _Uh_ _J_ _az I think you just peed on me"_

" _No McGuire ah! I think my water just broke!"_


	36. Chapter 36

**Title: Welcome Home**

 **Location: Washington D.C Veterans Memorial Hospital**

 **Date: 7/23/2018**

 **P O V: Dalton**

" _Oh my god! I can't I can't it hurts! Make it stop!"_

Jaz's screams filled the room as I squeezed her hand her face was contracted in pain as her back arched she had been in labor for over ten hours now, her face was redder than a tomato in a hot summer sun patch, her throat dry from screaming lips cracked, bleeding. She had oxygen by her because she was having issues breathing from the stress on her body.

I can see how exhausted she is how she is trying so hard to keep going so she can delivery vaginally and not have a C-section it's wearing her out though and she's only a few centimeters dilated. I help what little I can massaging her shoulders, feet neck, giving her ice chips wiping her face, neck clearing the sweat off cooling her off.

She's crying in pain tears just streaking her beautiful face faster than McGuire or I can wipe off, Amir had already passed out once when he saw blood pour out from her legs so he was now off to the waiting room with our families. Patricia had gone to get the nurse to give her more medication, which had just been injected into her spine.

" _God it fucking hurts!"_

" _Well sweetheart child birth ain't suppose to be easy you are giving birth to a human being, when my son was born he weighed over ten pounds image pushing that out between your legs Jaz"_

Patricia's eyes take on a far away look as she remembers that day I offer her a smile not wanting to take my hand out of Jaz's. I'm nervous excited slightly scared, soon I will officially be somebody's daddy, I will have the weight of being responsible for helping to mold guide and support another human being. I will feel their tiny fingers wrapped around mine, hear their shallow breathing, I know I will cry, it's okay though it will be tears of joy because when I look at that tiny perfect wrinkled face I will see my son or daughter, I will see a beautiful combination of mama and daddy.

Another three hours pass Jaz has vomited twice she's barely able to pick her head up so I help her sit up as another contraction hits her hard.

" _Push Jaz 1..2..3_ _I can see the head Jaz! Push_ _hard_ _!"_

Patricia is holding Jaz's right leg up in the air helping the nurses, doctor she is looking Jaz straight in her eyes I know that look, it means business.

" _Sargent Khan you can do this you may not be on active duty but you have the strength of a thousand soldiers, remember how hard boot camp was 92 hours of grueling back breaking runs carrying 50 and more pounds on your back, not eating for days not sleeping for weeks, in heat as high as 103 degrees cold as low as below 0, nothing will ever compare to that so grit your teeth soldier and complete your mission because this is getting awkward I have seen more of your body than Dalton"_

 _AH~~~~~_ Jaz's scream carried out as she pushed again I saw a rush of liquid mixed with blood as everyone scrambled, suddenly the little head popped out " _Push baby you can do this push one more push our little one is here" "Dear God Adam your never getting any again!"_

I laughed as she pushed again screaming squeezing my hand so hard I felt a few bones crush. Patricia's hands flew as she caught the baby seconds later a wail filled the air. I was speechless as I watched her cradled this tiny baby, my baby. The staff came over taking the baby to check my baby over, Jaz fell back against the bed so exhausted her eyes closed she was gasping, yet she's never looked more beautiful to me, I leaned over kissing her as she brought me closer holding her.

" _You did it sweetheart you did it you gave birth to our beautiful child we came full circle Jaz_

 _Welcome Home Mrs. Jasmine Dalton"_

" _Are we bringing home a daughter Adam or a son?"_

" _Patricia is our baby okay? Is it a boy or a girl?"_

" _Adam, Jaz Welcome Home your beautiful new perfect seven pounds and four ounces baby…_

 **A/N Thank you to everyone who reviewed favored and took the time to read this labor of love. I left the gender open for all of you to imagine, since I'm sure everyone has their own feelings as to what they'd want Jaz and Adam to have.**

 **My little Holiday Present to all my lovelies who took the time to read, review and favorite or follow I appreciate it all so much. Hopefully you all love this ending I wanted it to be as realistic as possible to show what our soldiers give up so we can live free. Not every Soldier dies some come home with scars will never see. They have to learn to adapt to a whole new normal.**

 **Only a few more weeks till The Brave Returns on NBC who is excited? Happy Holidays to everyone, I hope you are all safe, happy rested and get everything you want or need. Please remember to thank the men, women who services us everyday FD, PD, Soldiers, Paramedics they are true hero's.**

 **My next story will be about what inspired each of the Special Ops 7 force members to join the military, it will be about 911. I am thinking of calling it Army Inspirations. Once again Happy Holidays I wish you all peace, joy and love.**

 **Till next time Bravers, #RenewTheBrave also join us on Mondays with the hashtag on twitter #TheBraveHiatusSupportGroup we're a Phenomenal bunch.**


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